Hogwart's Dance Lessons
by Ashi-Grey
Summary: It seemed like a good idea at the time. In fact, lots of things seemed like a good idea at the time. If Lily could just figure out how to grow back her eyebrows, everything would work out fine. Honestly. She's got this completely under control. Right?
1. The Messy Scrawl of our Lives

Owlish green eyes peered around the lace curtain and into the dark night. A sigh escaped her lips as she contemplated the sickening rollercoaster her life had dragged her, unwillingly, on. Her usually vibrant hair seemed bland and plain and her creamy white complexion was more of a sickly pale. A cat ambled across the street below, and Lily's eyes tracked it's movements for a while, mindlessly flicking back and forth. Some cars in the distance created a background hum, for which Lily was grateful. She hated silence.

She was so, so tired these days. Everything felt like walking through treacle, like running up a downwards escalator. She rolled the shiny gold badge in her hand, light from the streetlamps illuminating the 'HG' lettering. Ever since she'd first stepped into the halls of Hogwart's, she'd wanted to be Head Girl, yet now it didn't mean anything at all. No one was there to celebrate it with her, no one was there to take her out for a nice meal at her favourite restaurant, buy her a pretty new dress or help her pin her hair up. No one was there to laugh with her when she plucked her eyebrows too much; no one was there to remind her that there was more to live than grades. No one to drag her out of her bedroom and away from her books and make her enjoy the things normal teenagers did.

Lily's nostrils flared as she tried to hold herself together. Her eyes prickled and she angrily swiped her red hair back behind her ear. She let out a harsh jot of laughter, almost as though she found her pain amusing. Perhaps, in a sick sort of way, she did. After all, if she concentrated solely on the feeling, then she might just forget the reason behind it. Lily shook her head then; who was she kidding? She'd never in her entire life forget the reason for her pain.

Her ears perked a little as she heard the door slam and Petunia hurrying up the stairs, muttering a quiet 'night' to Aunt Poppy and Uncle Albert. A little guilt wandered through Lily as she realised that her sister was going through exactly the same thing as she was, but she shoved the feeling aside. Petunia had abandoned her just when Lily needed her. Petunia was on her own now, Lily decided, sisterly relations be damned.

With a snarl Lily stood from the window ledge and stalked across the room, decorated in a tasteful cream and brown, accented with emotionless artwork. The room screamed exactly what it was; a guest room. A pang of longing reminded Lily that this room was never her own. Was nothing like the always-well-organized-yet-adorably-messy, bright, warm pink and orange room she'd grown up in. There were no study schedules blue-tacked to the wall, no posters of the Holyhead Harpies or Celestine Warbeck. There wasn't that stain on the carpet where her potion kit leaked or that burn mark on the curtains where a muggle boyfriend had tried to look 'cool' by smoking a cigarette but only succeeded in choking a little and burning her curtains...

There wasn't that need to constantly tidy it, so everything had a place and everything was in its place, even when the room itself had a worn, lived in feel that meant it would never look perfectly tidy. No, this bedroom was left in whatever state it was in. Lily didn't care to tidy it. It wasn't hers, didn't feel part of her, and she didn't want to grace it with her tidying.

"Time to settle down now, girls!" Aunt Poppy announced, calling down the corridor "Lily has a dance class in the morning and I don't want her to be late!"

Lily's lip curled a little at being told what to do. She was an adult, for Merlin's sake!

"But why do I have to go to sleep?" Petunia's nasal voice whinged "I don't like art class, and I don't go to it!"

Lily rolled her eyes and begrudgingly slithered under the cream duvet, her red hair pooling on the pale pillows. She shivered as the images hurtled back at her, images of vivid red pooling on their cream living room carpet, a startled yelp and the thud that followed it, the tangible taste of dark magic on her tongue, the feeling of adrenalin pulsing through her body as she hid in the cupboard under the stairs, knowing she was helpless. The mad cackle and the swish of long black robes before the sound of apparition, making her jump as though a gun had been fired.

Needless to say, Lily did not sleep well that night, nor has she slept well since the night before her parent's murder.

Throughout the summer, Lily's only outlet for her tumulus emotions was her dance class. So much so that Lily took to getting a bus over to the dance studio almost every day and dancing until her muscles burnt. Whereas usually Lily would have read and re-read her text books for the upcoming year and practice all of the spells using a pencil, so she got the wand movements and pronunciation right, as well as practicing her potions and selling them to the apocathery in Diagon Alley to earn herself a bit of pocket money, Lily spent all her time dancing.

Originally Lily had just done ballet, as her parents... she paused at the thought of her parents. The taboo topic. She lost the beat of the music she had been dancing to and crumpled to the dark polished floor with a groan. She lay there in silence as the music played out, her hair stuck to her face with sweat and her chest heaving as she fought to get herself back under control. Everything was about control these days. Control of her muscles, making them dance as she wanted them to, control of her emotions, control of her bedtime, control of her eyebrows, even if they did look over-plucked.

Beth, the dance teacher watched her star pupil silently. She knew Lily's parents had been killed by terrorists and understood, at least as well as someone who had never lost a parent before, what the younger girl was going through.

"Lily?" Beth asked, offering the panting girl some water "You need to let it go. You need to dance more how you used to, you know? Try to get that free, loose, going-with-the-flow dance back. Try to feel, rather than control."

Lily snatched the water out of Beth's hand and gulped it greedily. For a moment it looked as though her temper would get the better of her and she would scream and yell and storm off, but instead she channelled it inwards, reminding herself she was a Gryffindor; she would not run from this pain. She would fight it head on.

All through her life, Lily had been a little on the plump side – not enough to make her look fat, but she'd certainly been curvy. Now though, she'd lost a lot of that, thanks to all the dancing day in, day out. Her face had thinned and her curves had shrunk, making her a more slender and streamlined shape. Petunia was horrendously jealous – after all, Petunia was stick-thin and horse like (she always had been), and had been able to make fun of Lily for being 'fat'. Now though, Lily wasn't fat in the slightest.

In a way, Lily mourned the loss of her curves just as she mourned the loss of her parents. It meant yet another thing had changed, yet another piece of her childhood was slipping through her fingers. But at the same time, there was no way she could live without her dancing, so it was either eat a lot more in the hopes to regain some of her previously-unwanted softness, or embrace her newfound shape. She begrudgingly bought a new wardrobe – all of her clothing previously had been bought to enhance the curves and hide the fact that her stomach wasn't perfectly flat and her legs weren't model-thin. Obviously though, now she didn't have as many curves to enhance, she looked somewhat foolish in the now-baggy clothing.

It was with a heavy heart that Lily boarded the Hogwart's express, despite having her Head Girl badge pinned in full view on her robes. She'd never expected to have to do this, this boarding on her own. She'd always assumed her parents would have been there, laughing and crying a little and waving her off for her final year.

Her hair was yanked irritably out of its pony tail so she could twiddle it reassuringly in her fingers. She settled in an empty carriage and pulled out the unopened letter which had been found on her father's desk, addressed to her. She'd not had the courage to open it all summer, but now she was angry and burning with hurt from boarding the train alone, so she ripped the paper and slipped out the note-paper inside.

She was surprised for a moment to see that her usually neat and fussy father had handwritten the note and not used a type-writer. Drawing a few steadying breaths she began to read

_My dearest Lily,_

_I want you to know that no matter what happens, you are and will always be my baby girl. No matter where I am, remember I am watching over you. You know how sometimes I have feelings... get these feelings about things. We joke it's because I'm a wizard too. I know I tell you I never get feelings about anything other than pointless business transactions and that type of stuff, but recently I've had feelings about something much more sinister than that. That's why I'm writing you this letter – because I have a horrible belief that I won't be seeing you onto the train this year. _

_I know you will hate me for not telling you this, especially if anything bad has happened. But, baby girl, I just wanted you to be safe. So I didn't tell you because I know you'd have been foolish and reckless and gotten hurt for it. This way you're safe, and if I'm worrying over nothing then you won't even ever have to know._

_Work hard, play hard and remember that there is a life outside of books. Make sure you show the world exactly who you are and what you're about, my Lily, and don't let anyone tell you what you can or can't do. Make sure you let go once in a while, and find a nice boy I'd probably not approve of to marry. All your life I have loved you for your individuality. Don't ever change, and please, please stay safe._

_Your loving (and probably foolish) _

_Father_

A chocked sob rattled through Lily as she traced the ink on the note paper. A desperate need to run from everything tugged at her, tantalizing in its lies of freedom and escape from the pain. She folded the note back up again and slipped it once more inside the envelope. Drawing her wand she cast every protective charm and ward she could over it, before tucking it safely into her trunk. She drew the blinds on the carriage, blocking herself from the view of anyone wandering through the corridor. She drew the bolt over the door and spent the rest of the journey (prefect meeting and Slug Club be damned) staring out of the window in silence, wishing the weather wasn't so bright and jolly. Damn it, it should have been a thunderstorm, raining at least!

The train pulled up to the station and Lily checked through the train to make sure no one was asleep and still aboard (she felt as though she ought to do something to make up for her missing the first prefect meeting of the year) she caught the last carriage and ignored the three fourth years who chattered away with tales of shopping trips and muggle boys and makeup and how crazy it was that James Potter was Head Boy...

Lily's ears perked and her eyes widened

"Excuse me, did you just say James Potter was Head Boy?" She asked, barely keeping the incredulous tone from her voice

The three girls nodded "Mad, isn't it?" One of them added "No one knows who the Head Girl is 'cos she didn't show for the meeting."

Lily turned and glared out of the window again, too embarrassed to admit that she was said Head Girl and she'd missed the meeting because she'd been bawling her eyes out.

A familiar sense of power and peace lulled Lily into smiling as she entered the Great Hall and primly settled on the bench of the Gryffindor table, next to Frank Longbottom. Frank was quite short for a boy and had floppy brown hair. He was quiet and sensible, if a little brooding. He was bound to be easy conversation, and not expect her to be full of the joys of spring.

"Hey Lily." Frank greeted half-heartedly "Good summer?"

"No." She replied shortly, staring resolutely at Headmaster Dumbledore "You?"

Frank watched her in pensive silence for a moment, before he too turned to watch Dumbledore for a moment. Lily sighed a little as Dumbledore congratulated the new first years on their sorting. What she'd give to be back in her first year, back when nothing mattered and everything was all so new and wonderful and magical and she was part of it.

"Summer was alright." Frank finally returned "Congrats on getting Head."

Lily smiled a little "Thanks, Frank. I, er, missed the prefect meeting and the Slug Club meeting though."

Frank looked astonished, completely ignoring the newly-appeared feast "What?" He asked, his brown eyes widening comically

Lily smiled sheepishly "I, erm, forgot?"

Frank raised a politely incredulous eyebrow and began filling his plate with roast chicken and mash potato, while Lily took a small bowl of vegetable soup and slurped it daintily, burning her mouth and not caring that it hurt.

After the feast Lily made her way slowly to the Staff table where Slughorn accosted her

"Lily, my dear! Are you alright? I'm afraid I must have missed you on the train!"

Lily smiled weakly "Sorry, professor. I'm not sleeping very well at the moment and I was so tired, I guess the train lulled me to sleep... I missed the prefect meeting as well. It was so embarrassing!"

Slughorn looked concerned "Well, if you ever need a sleeping potion, you know where to find me. Not that I doubt your ability to brew your own, oh no! Quite a talented potion mistress in your own right, aren't you, my dear?"

Lily smiled at the praise "Well, it's all your good teaching, I'm sure sir."

"Suck up." Someone hissed into her ear. She span around and glared at James Potter, who smirked back as though pleased she hated him

"Potter." She snarled, before sucking a breath in and calming herself "Sorry. Look, ah, thanks for sorting the prefects."

James blinked in surprise "Y-you're head girl." He stated "Oh bloody hell."

Lily wondered why she even bothered trying to be polite "Yes. I'm head girl. Who did you think it would be, Sirius Black?"

James snickered a little "That's a good one."

Lily sneered "I'm not in the mood for your ridiculousness. Get out of my way."

James crossed his arms and glared forcefully at her "_My_ ridiculousness? You're the weird one here."

"I don't have time for this. I'm tired."

As Lily swept along the hallways, fists clenched and hair swirling, she couldn't help but desperately want to dance. Something, anything to take this excess emotion away. She would have to ask one of the professors in the morning if there was an old dance studio hanging around anywhere. She supposed there probably was; dancing had been on the curriculum back in the olden days. But for now she'd have to settle for a steamy cup of tea (one sugar and no milk) and a good romance book, which were her guilty pleasure.

She stopped at the Fat Lady and frowned "Oh, erm, I don't know the password!"

The Fat Lady smiled at Lily "Oh don't worry about it dear. The heads are allowed in all of the common rooms apart from their own without a password."

Lily didn't really register what the Fat Lady had just told her "Great. Thank you. Can you let me in then?"

The Fat Lady smiled a little and swung open, admitting Lily.

Lily stepped through and made a beeline for the girl's dorms. She would get her mug and her teabags and her sugar out of her trunk (for Lily never went anywhere without her emergency tea-producing kit), boil some water with a heating charm and curl up on her bed, pretending this wasn't happening to her.

She stopped short when she saw the seventh year girl's dorm. There was a bed missing! Her bed was missing! And her luggage! That was gone too! She twirled her hair anxiously as she scrambled around the other girls, trying to find her bed and luggage.

"Alice! Where's my stuff?" Lily asked, not bothering with the customary greetings and going straight to the point

Alice Smith looked up from the magazine she was reading "Er, Evans, you're not in this dorm anymore. You're Head Girl, remember?"

Lily blinked "What?"

Alice rolled her eyes and snorted "Look, your dorm is over in the Astronomy tower now."

"What?" Lily repeated herself "But the Astronomy tower is for astronomy!"

Alice raised a well plucked (unlike Lily's) eyebrow "Lily, how often do we have an Astronomy lesson? Once a week, all after dark. Would they really build an entire tower for a subject that, let's face it, isn't very important? No, they wouldn't. Now quit being stupid and go to your own dorm."

Ouch, Lily thought. That hurt.

By the time Lily had found the entrance to the Head's common room and dorm, she was about to cry. She was cold and tired and angry, and she didn't know the password. Even worse, the painting wasn't of a person – it was the four Hogwart's mascots, so she couldn't exactly talk to them and tell them why she didn't know the password.

She crumbled to the cold stone floor and drew her knees up to her chin, bottom lip trembling. Her hand went reflexively to her hair, which she twiddled. It was one of the things her mum used to tell her not to do – 'you'll go bald, Lily Flower,' the tall blonde woman would say, shaking her head fondly. Lily winced once again at the reminder of her parents and yanked her hand away from her hair. It was as if everything she did reminded her of them, and damn it she didn't want to be reminded! She'd just about had enough when she heard footsteps on the stairs. She stood hastily and dusted her robes down, composing herself just in time for James Potter to saunter around the corner and let himself in without so much as glancing at her, with a simple

"Hogwarts."

Lily's shoulders sagged as she realised she could have guessed that password easily.

She had to admit that the common room was nice. It had been made in neutral creams, with the odd, surprisingly bright orange highlights. Normally she would have smiled at the odd colour scheme, but instead she had to stifle yet more tears. After all, her bedroom back in her old house had been the same shade of orange, only with pink as well. It was like a rather painful reminder that she could never have exactly what she had before, yet it would always be there, just out of reach.

Lily drank four cups of tea that evening, and didn't leave her room from the moment she entered it to the next morning.

The weeks dawdled past at times and flew by in others, but at no point did Lily feel the usual thrill of learning. It was as if nothing truly mattered any more. No one was there to owl her the socks she forgot to pack, no one was there to send her pointless letters telling her that the roses had flowered early or that Mrs Number Seven was having a torrid affair with Mr Number Two despite both being married. No one to send her a few galleons when a Hogsmead weekend was coming up so she would have enough money for that beautiful gold quill she wanted...

Odd things stood out in her memory of those weeks – A potions lesson when they'd covered Felix Felicis, and Lily had accidentally dropped a hair into the bubbling potion (she'd been twiddling it again), and it had turned an even shinier, brighter, more metallic gold than Slughorn's demonstration potion, causing Slughorn to chuckle and drag Lily up to the front of the class for a round of applause... a prefect meeting where Remus Lupin had kindly done the Hogsmead list for her and she had to try not to cry – her Dad had always helped her with things like that. An afternoon after Transfiguration when McGonagall had taken her into her office and asked if everything was alright, and Lily had bawled and cried all over the surprised teacher.

Then there was her lifeline – her dancing. Professor Flitwick had known where the dance hall was, and Lily had been absolutely amazed to find that literally no one had entered it since the last dancing lesson all those years ago. The floor was caked in dust and grime, but a few hearty cleaning spells had it cleaned up nice. A stage was in the corner where music stands and chairs still rested for a band to play. Lily had a Wizarding Wireless set up with the odd recording in its Memory Crystal that she particularly likes. Other times she just tuned it into whatever station took her fancy and danced to whatever they played.

She would hurry back to the head's common room after hours and ignore the confused looks James Potter would send her, instead dashing through the shower and rinsing the sweat off her body before falling asleep easily, exhaustion holding her in its dreamless embrace. Without dancing and exhausting herself before bed, Lily would never sleep for the nightmares.

Another thing had changed. Namely James Potter, Prat Extraordinaire. In fact he was all but ignoring her ever since that first day in the Great Hall. At first Lily had been grateful for the lack of arguments and tantrums, as she'd been certain he would make her life a misery, seeing as they shared a common room and adjacent bedrooms. But it seemed as though James Potter had finally given up on gaining her attention. Mostly this was a good thing, Lily told herself insistently, but something in the back of her mind told her she missed the familiarity of their arguments. He would do something to get her attention, she would be irritated by it, he would laugh, she would shout, he would get offended, she would glare at him, he would fold his arms in that way that was just so James Potter and say it wasn't his fault she was such a stuck up prick, she would be offended, he would be apologetic, she would be mean, he would ask her on a date, she would decline. Then they'd both storm off in opposite directions. On a bad day (or a good one, depending on your perspective) hexes would be tossed with eager abandon.

But it seemed as though James just didn't have the time for those types of arguments anymore, not that Lily noticed how busy he was. She was too busy wallowing in self-despair and dancing until she couldn't dance anymore to even cast a glance in his direction.

It was two weeks before the Christmas Ball when James finally admitted defeat, and waited up in the common room for Lily.

It was taking longer and longer each day for her to become exhausted enough to sleep. Normally she would have been happy that she was getting physically fitter, but instead it was just another unwelcome change.

"Evans." James said simply as she stepped through the portrait of the mascots at half eleven "We need to talk."

Lily looked up in shock, her fingers halting in their twiddling of her hair, but then her eyes narrowed "Why should I talk to you?"

James barely resisted rolling his eyes "Look, I know we've not really gotten on in the past, but I need your help! I'm doing all of the Head's duties by myself! Remus is doing all of the Hogsmead lists, I barely have time for Quidditch practice anymore, never mind being the captain, I've got so much studying to do if I want to get into the auror academy... and then there's the Christmas ball, all the detention slips to sort through, the list of points deducted by the prefects which I'm about a month behind on, the last Slug Club meeting which I missed, plus Remus's mum's been diagnosed with cancer so he's been going to visit her a lot and I need some help!"

Lily's mouth opened and closed for a moment, about to retort, but James pushed on

"And you don't do anything! I don't even know why you wear that badge, alright? Because you don't seem to want it! And people have the nerve to say I shouldn't be Head Boy! You shouldn't be Head Girl with the way you're acting!"

"My parents died this summer, alright? They were _murdered_, Potter, _murdered_. You wonder why I'm struggling to cope?"

James's eyebrows shot up and his hazel eyes widened. He didn't have a clue what to say; instead he watched in silence as Lily fled for the safety of her room, slamming the door behind her.

The next morning Lily's alarm went off half an hour late, meaning she bolted upright in bed, squeaked a little and leapt out of bed, almost landing on the plate of toast, smothered with butter and hazelnut spread. Lily's eyebrows rose and she sat gingerly, lifting the tray onto her lap. A quick investigation showed the contents were under a heating charm, but otherwise were not contaminated. She didn't really like butter or hazelnut spread, but it was the thought that counts. Besides, seeing as she'd slept late, she wouldn't have had time for breakfast otherwise.

After bolting the not-particularly-nice breakfast and making herself a mug of tea with her Tea Making Kit, Lily showered quickly and dried her hair with a drying charm, causing it to poof out. She decided to ignore makeup, and didn't have time to worry that her uniform was creased.

She rushed through the common room, but stopped when she noticed a scrap of parchment spell-o-taped to the door.

_Hey Evans,_

_Slow down – I've had your Potions lesson moved to tomorrow lunch time, and moved your extra-credit charms lesson in that lunch time to tomorrow evening instead. So, because you don't do anything after lunch today, you've got a free day (well, if you ignore your DADA lesson at four). If you could find time somewhere to do the Christmas Ball list (I still can't find anyone to provide the entertainment, and I get the feeling it'll be pretty boring without something), and if you're bored the Hogsmead lists as well. _

_If you don't get round to it, Dumbledore's said he'll get me a time-turner so I have enough time to do everything. Don't stress, make today a day-off day. Do your hair, or whatever it is you girls do. _

_Hope you liked breakfast; I wasn't really sure what you'd want. Sirius said you'd clearly been on a diet so you'd want a fruit salad, Peter reckoned you'd want a fry-up, Remus said you usually have a muffin... but they'd run out of muffins. I figured toast was sorta similar to muffins. _

_Have a good day_

_Potter_

"Oh!" Lily squeaked out, staring dumbfounded at the scruffy scrawl of James Potter. "Well I never." She breathed out, wondering who had possessed James Potter and what they had done with him. Perhaps this was just another prank of his – maybe he hadn't really moved her lessons, and he was going to get a huge laugh when she 'skived' off her lessons without a reason.

Twirling her hair irritably through her fingers Lily dashed through the castle, barely making it to Slughorn's classroom before he did. She primly ignored the snickers at her rumpled appearance and took a seat at the front. Severus Snape threw her one longing gaze which, as always, she pretended not to notice. She was through with their friendship, even if he had been her only friend at Hogwart's.

"Lily!" Slughorn exclaimed, putting an arm around her shoulder and smiling at her "I thought you were coming to see me tomorrow lunch time instead of coming to this lesson! Between you and me, you'll probably find this lesson rather boring – we're brewing some Pepper-Up for Madam Pomfrey, seeing as her stock is low. I had planned for us to look at the Elixir of Garogon in lunch... but if you'd rather brew Pepper-Up..."

Lily gasped and pulled away from Slughorn, staring at him with wide eyes "E-Elixir of G-Garogon? But sir! That's well above NEWT standard!"

Slughorn's bushy eyebrows rose and his mouth twitched a little "Why my dear Lily, do give yourself a little more credit. Now I suggest you go and do whatever you want to do with your morning, and I'll see you tomorrow at lunch, my office."

Dazed, Lily could only comply, the classroom door swinging shut behind her. She missed the smile Slughorn and James shared as Slughorn began explaining how to brew the Draught of Living Death, which they'd be covering in class that day.

Confused, Lily made her way slowly back up to the Head's common room. She glanced once more at the note, still taped to the door, and made her way slowly into the sitting area. She sat down heavily in her favourite armchair, patting the orange cushion into a more comfortable place. It was then that she noticed another note, on the coffee table. She leant forward and grabbed it, smiling slightly as she took in James's messy writing

_Hey Evans,_

_Hope you don't hate me for rescheduling your potions. If you're feeling up to it, the Christmas Ball list is on the desk in the study area. I've sorted the music – this new band called the Weird Sisters (yeah, I know no one's heard of them but they're actually pretty good seeing as they've just started). I couldn't think of a good theme, so I just thought it could be Dress Robes. All the teachers are happy to be there (apart from Binns, who ignored me when I tried to invite him), so that's supervision covered. Food, obviously, isn't a problem because the house elves will just make their usual Christmas buffet. All I need you to sort is the entertainment. I'm not even sure what 'entertainment' entails – I thought it would be enough to have the band, buffet and, er, dancing. You know, as it's a ball and all. Haha, I'm a poet and I didn't know it! _

_Er, sorry about that. Sometimes my humour gets away with me a little._

_Anyway, if you get round to sorting something, I'd be really grateful. _

_Cheers,_

_Potter_

At first Lily was all for taking up Potter's idea of doing nothing but her hair (and perhaps trying to remedy her eyebrows) all day. But the ball sounded like it needed a woman's touch. Or at least, it sounded like it needed saving from the mess Potter was undoubtedly creating.

She stood with a tired groan and summoned her tea-making kit, brewing herself a piping hot mug in an instant, thanks to magic. Armed with her tea, she made her way cautiously into the study area of their shared... er... tower thingy. She usually did all her work in the library, as she loved the quiet, serene feel of the place.

The study area, however, seemed to be an overflow of James's bedroom. It was messy and had bits and bops tacked to the walls and a pile of quidditch robes in the corner, smelling in a way only a teenage boy's clothing could. Her nose wrinkled Lily tiptoed through the mess, and suddenly Lily had the urge to tidy it. Startled, she set the mug down on the desk, brushing a few errant rolls of parchment out of the way first, and turned to survey the room.

It felt homely, Lily realized, with its schedules and maps and... Were they prank plans? Yes, they were! Well, she'd be having words with him for that, that was for sure! Where was she... oh yes. It felt just like her bedroom had, back h-home. Back in that pink and orange and well-lived in room that she used to tidy until it was perfect, that room where she used to make sure all the coat-hangers were hanging the same direction and all her hair pins were stored in size order. That room where her potions kit had leaked on the floor, just like James's (wait, James? Potter, she meant Potter!) quidditch robes in the corner there, and the burn on the curtains where that muggle boyfriend (really, what had she seen in him?) had burnt then with a cigarette, just like there was that stain on the back of the chair which looked suspiciously like Zonko's Super-Sticky Goo.

And, strangely enough, this time it didn't make her want to crawl up in a ball and die. Sure, it brought tears to her eyes, made her want to beg and plead with whatever deity there was to be allowed a second chance, made her want to go and kill He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named (and had-too-many-hyphens-in-his-name) with her bare hands, dark lord or not be damned.

Lily took a deep slurp of her tea, wincing a little as it burnt her. She pulled at her hair thoughtfully for a moment, and then drew her wand, rolled her sleeves up, and set to doing the one task almost every female dreads; tidying a space mostly occupied by a male.

By lunch, Lily was considerably messier, and tired, but she grinned triumphantly at the pristinely-clean, yet still lived-in study room. A loud 'Pop' from the kitchenette area had Lily jumping, before cautiously making her way through to the source of the noise. There, on the tiny breakfast table, was a tray containing pumpkin juice, a chicken salad sandwich, a green apple and a note written in a now familiar messy scrawl. Lily shook her head, smiling a little, and sat down, pulling the tray towards herself.

She took the note

_Hey Evans_

_How's your morning been? Hope you've had a good time, whatever it was you did. Potions was boring. I asked around, trying to find out what you might want for lunch, but I got mixed answers. Sirius (who's still convinced you're on some sort of diet) said you'd want a tiny portion of salad and a glass of water, nothing else. Peter said that was ridiculous, and a growing girl such as yourself would want a nice hamburger, preferably with a side of chips. Remus wouldn't even partake in what he claims was a 'pointless and fruitless conversation'. I asked that girl, Alice, in your dorm, but she raised an eyebrow at me and told me to 'quit trying to get you to like me 'cos you never would. Now be a pumpkin and pass the carrots'. Frank, who she was sat with, said that was a bit harsh. I said I was just trying to be nice, seeing as you'd had a rubbish summer. Frank seemed to know what I was on about, and he said you'd want piping hot vegetable soup. _

_Well, I hate vegetable soup, so I decided you probably would too. Chicken salad sandwich, I think is a much nicer lunch. See, this way you get the salad from Sirius, the burger (which is sorta like a sandwich, when you think about it) from Peter... I wasn't sure how to include the 'fruitless conversation' from Remus at first, but then I decided I would make it fruitful by adding an apple. How clever is that? Anyway, then there was that Alice girl who called me pumpkin, hence the pumpkin juice. Er, as I said before, I hate vegetable soup. Hence the reason there's no soup. Or vegetables. Unless you count lettuce, which I suppose is a vegetable._

_I'm rambling, aren't I?_

_Hope you've had a good morning, and hope you like lunch,_

_Potter_

Lily scowled a bit; she loved vegetable soup. Although, she had to admit, she did like a good chicken salad sandwich too. And that apple certainly looked good. Then a smile tugged at the corners of her mouth – she couldn't deny that he'd tried really hard to make her a nice lunch.

After her lunch, which she enjoyed despite it having been made (or at least requested) by James Potter, Lily set about tidying the sitting area. She had that tidying bug once again, and she was happy to indulge it's OCD tendencies.

Lily was like a whirlwind as she tidied every corner of the Head's tower, even James's bedroom (there she went again; it was Potter, damn it!), although she did do everything in that particular room with her wand, so she didn't have to touch anything that looked a bit suspicious. She banished all of their clothing down to the laundry, where the elves would take care of it. The sitting area, kitchenette, study area, the two bedrooms and the hallways in-between positively gleamed from love and attention by the time Lily was done with them at half four.

As if on cue, another tray, this one laden with pumpkin pasties, ginger newts and a mug of steaming coffee, as well as a note.

She grimaced at the smell of the coffee and vanished it immediately, replacing it with a new mug of tea. Happy now, she took the note

_Hey Evans_

_I've got quidditch practice now, and then at half eight I've got patrol with that Hufflepuff fifth year, Jack McGrath. _

_No one seemed to know what you eat as an afternoon snack, because apparently you usually eat it in the library (breaking the rules, Miss Evans? What will the world come to?). Personally, I hate coffee with a passion; the smell alone makes me want to hurl. But according to Marlene, all girls drink coffee. So don't let me put you off your coffee just because I find the smell more repulsive that dragon dung and less appetizing than Hagrid's rock cakes. _

_Marlene also insisted that you wouldn't want anything to eat, but I think that's a load of bull. If I didn't eat my afternoon cauldron cake, I'd pass out from cauldron-cake-withdrawal. I, er, meant to save you one, but then it looked so lonely in the packet by itself. It was crying, I swear. I can still hear its pleas now – 'eat me, James, so I don't have to remain all alone! I beg you! Please!'. Can you really blame me for eating it? I thought not. I couldn't blame me either._

_See you later_

_Potter_

Perhaps a year ago Lily would have been intensely irritated by the pointless humour in the letter. She would have found it juvenile and attention-seeking. Instead, it drew a small breath of laughter out of her as she pulled her self-made mug of tea and a pumpkin pasty (which were, fortunately, her favourite) closer. She put the rest of the treats under a stasis charm; she'd save them for another day. Perhaps James (Potter! Not James!) Could eat an entire packet of cauldron cakes and not explode, but Lily could not.

Feeling guilty at the letter's subtle reminder of James's hectic schedule, Lily ambled through the clean hallway and into the orderly study room, grinning softly at the faint smell of autumn, produced by the scented muggle candles she'd lit in the window sill. Pulling the folder out that she'd labelled 'Christmas Ball', Lily sifted through the various letters between James and the new band, the Weird Sisters, through the various scribbled invitation designs and pulled out the lists concerning the entertainment, and the theme.

As her last Christmas Ball at Hogwarts, Lily didn't want to remember it as 'the one that had that rubbish new band, no theme and no entertainment'. And, feeling more settled and controlled, thanks to everywhere being tidy (and having a relaxing day, she mused), Lily began to plan.

Lost in planning, Lily began to draw up a romantic, regency-era themed ball, where everyone would look beautiful in huge, dramatic dresses and dashing, debonair dress robes (she wasn't delusional enough to think she could convince the purebloods to wear muggle clothing). Where everyone would swirl elegantly to the music... she could do a dance competition as the entertainment! Oh, it was perfect!

Looking through the letters she retrieved from the file she came to the conclusion that the Weird Sisters were a rock band, not an elegant quartet. Lily frowned and began to pen a letter. Most people would do most things for a bit of money, and seeing as the dance competition would be the entertainment, she had the extra money from the entertainment budget to play with.

Fortunately enough, the Weird Sisters lived in Hogsmead, so in the time it took for Lily to peruse a few old paintings of regency-era balls for inspiration, the reply had been sent. It made Lily jump when the school owl landed on the table in front of her and presented the letter, confirming what Lily had suspected – people would do most things for a bit more money.

Well that solved the theme problem, Lily thought gleefully, and the entertainment problem. She listed in precise detail what would need to be done, and was just about to owl the main clothing suppliers to explain what she was after, when James stumbled through the portrait and stopped dead, staring slack-jawed at the pristine room.

"Uh, Evans, I thought you were having a quiet, relaxing day?"

Lily looked at him, and for the first time ever smiled at him "I have. Today has been the best day since sliced bread."

James's eyebrows furrowed in confusion "Sliced bread? Isn't that just bread that you slice?"

Lily let out a little laugh "No, actually, in the muggle world you can buy bread ready-sliced."

"Really?" James asked, eyes lighting up "Wow! Hey, I get what you mean now when you said 'best things since sliced bread'! That's a really good saying!"

Lily was a little irritated at his blatant ignorance of the muggle world, but reminded herself James was responsible for her having such a good day. Merlin, that was odd. James Potter being responsible for her having a good day.

"So, um, you didn't get round to looking at the ball stuff, did you?" James asked, rubbing a hand through his messy hair as he cautiously dropped onto the sofa, eyeing the piles of paper surrounding Lily

Lily beamed "Actually, I had such a good idea..."

James listened attentively, Lily could tell, although his expression looked more than a little worried. When she had finally finished her little spiel, James once again messed up his hair, causing Lily's eyebrows to sink and her nose to wrinkle

"That's a great plan, Evans, but there's one problem."

"What?"

"I bet you there's only a handful of students who can dance well enough for your little competition. I mean, you dance for literally hours every day."

Lily's shoulders sagged "I thought all the purebloods would know how to dance. You know, for official functions."

James shook his head wryly "You'd be surprised at how dull those things are. No one dances, everyone just talks political crap with one and other."

"Oh." Lily said, looking completely disheartened. James winced a little at having crushed her ideas

"Maybe you could... I dunno..." James started

Lily looked up, her beautiful green eyes filled with sudden determination "Well then. If they can't dance, I'll just have to teach them."

And so began the great Hogwart's Dance Lessons.


	2. Salty Mayonnaise or Vinegar

_This isn't as long as the first one, nor have I checked it as carefully. If you spot any mistakes (which I'm sure you will) please just leave them in a review and I'll change them. Thanks for reading! _

"But professor!" Lily protested, eyes burning and fists clenched "I can do this!"

Professor McGonagall frowned a little "Lily, my dear, I hate to state the obvious, but you've been barely coping as it is, never mind adding on top of that. Besides, you'd only have two weeks to teach fourth years through to seventh years how to dance! I just don't see how you'd have the time to do it!"

Lily stood up "I've already thought of it. If the Great Hall was cleared after the last lesson of the day, at half four, until the start of dinner at half seven, then I'd have three hours a day through the week, and perhaps a little longer at the weekends. There aren't any more quidditch matches until after Christmas, so they wouldn't get in the way. I think I could teach two houses at once, which means I would have eight groups to teach. And I'd have fourteen days to teach them. Hopefully the older years will be alright as it is, so they might do with only one lesson, and then anyone who's struggling can come to an extra lesson."

McGonagall rattled the biscuit tin irritably at Lily, but Lily declined a ginger newt, so McGonagall continued "Alright. Say that worked. Are you certain you're a good enough dancer to teach other people? There's one thing being able to dance yourself, but it's quite another thing to teach someone else. Besides, you'll need a partner... can you think of anyone who can dance well enough?"

Lily was cornered, and she knew it. Since her argument with Severus, she had absolutely no friends close enough to drop in this. Frank was probably her only friend, but even he didn't know about her parent's murder. James was the only one who knew about that, oddly enough.

"Potter's a good dancer." Lily blurted out "He's already said he'll help me."

McGonagall's mouth thinned "James Potter is already struggling with the work load as it is. Merlin knows that if Albus is considering giving him a time-turner it must be serious."

Lily scowled; she didn't need any reminder that she was such a failure as a Head Girl "We talked about it last night; I'm going to help him with his quidditch practices and help him with his school assignments so he'll have enough time. The ball is completely under control, and I was just about to sort thought the detention slips after our meeting. So, you see, everything is running smoothly. Potter was just a bit overwhelmed at first."

Lily knew she was bluffing, and McGonagall seemed to realise it too. However, as Lily tensed for the inevitable let-down, McGonagall allowed herself a small smile. Perhaps this was just what her favourite (not that she had favourites, of course) student might need to get over the tragic death of her parents.

"Alright, Lily. If you and James hand in all the assignments, then I'll allow you to not attend the lessons, understand? You both must do all the homework for each class, so you don't fall behind, but you don't have to actually attend each class. Fourth years and above, as I'm sure you'll remember, all have free periods at some point, so you'll be able to teach them during their free periods. I'll send you a copy of all the schedules so you can work out who you'll be teaching when. Now you better hurry; I'm sure you've got a lot to do."

Lily stood slowly, feeling a little dazed. Oh Merlin she had so much to do. She paused at the door

"Oh and Lily?" McGonagall called "Good luck."

Lily offered her teacher a brilliant smile, one that hadn't been seen regularly since her sixth year. She twirled through the hallways, giggling softly and dancing to an unheard beat. For those moments, it didn't matter to Lily that she'd just given herself a virtually impossible task, or that she'd just lied to a teacher, or that she'd just dragged James (Potter! Sheesh, Lily, get it right!) Into something he'd probably hate her for. No, she was just daydreaming of her beautiful regency ball and flamboyant dancing and pretty dresses.

"Merlin, are you on something illegal?" James asked as she twirled through the doorway into the sitting area "Can I have some?"

Lily stopped her twirling and glared at him "Don't kill my good mood, Potter. McGonagall's just told me that neither of us have to go to lessons from now until after Christmas!"

"Really?" James exclaimed, over the moon that he'd finally have time to fit everything in for once "How come?"

Lily twiddled her hair sheepishly, biting her lip "Er... I kinda told her that we were going to run dance classes for all the fourth through to seventh years in their free periods, and in the evenings. You know, so they can dance for the competition."

"That's great!" James told her with a grin "Wait... did you say 'we'?"

Lily looked down

"Oh Merlin you did, didn't you."

Lily nodded sheepishly. He was going to refuse and then she'd have to go back to McGonagall and tell her she'd lied and that she couldn't do it, and she'd have to owl the Weird Sisters and tell them she wouldn't be paying them extra because she needed that money to pay for some other type of entertainment and she'd never get her regency era ball and it would be so awf...

"All right. Okay. You'll have to teach me how to dance first though."

"What?" Lily spluttered out "You'll help me? Why?"

James shrugged uncomfortably "Well, er, we're Heads together, right? So we're in this together. Besides, in for a Knut, in for a galleon, right?"

Lily bit her lip and her eyes shined once more in excitement. Her fingers slowly returned to her lap, leaving her hair twiddle-free for a moment. She wasn't sure what to say; she wasn't comfortable with him enough to actually thank him, yet she knew she should. Fortunately Potter (wait, it was James. No! Right first time!) seemed to realise her predicament and grinned openly at her

"So, Miss Dance Teacher, when do we get started?"

Lily lead James through Hogwart's hallways, swinging the door to the dance studio open and stepping inside, sucking a deep breath in, revelling in the smell that is undeniably dance studio. She drifted over to the Wizarding Wireless and turned it on, setting it to play a tune on its Memory Crystal

"Right, this is a nice, simple one to warm up. Watch me, and then we'll see if you can copy, okay?" Lily asked, readjusting her shorts and tank top, pulling her red hair into a bun. She rolled her shoulders a few times but otherwise decided not to bother with warming up as she would have done for a more difficult song.

She started the song again, and stood loosely in the centre of the room, eyes closed. Her body began to lilt softly to the music as she allowed it to fill her up and flow through her. And then she was dancing, pulling, pushing, leaping, falling, and spinning to the beat, the melody, the feel of the song. Her muscles warmed under the song's feather-soft touch until she was floating. A serene smile graced her face and a thin film of sweat began to build on her forehead. She forgot all about James, who was stood, mouth hanging open, at the side by the stage.

The song wound down, drifting to its close and Lily mourned it's coming death, her dance turning melancholy, slower as she frowned slightly. She could have sworn this song was longer than that.

But then, there it was, the end. Lily became aware of her surroundings again, and she offered an embarrassed smile at James

"So, er, ready for a go?"

James spluttered "Er, how does 'no' sound? I can't dance like that! Bloody hell, for one I wouldn't even know where to start, and two that's a girl's dance! I'm a bloke, Evans!"

Lily frowned, about to tell him there was a boy in her dance class back home, when she remembered that Simon was about as gay as they came.

"Oh. Sorry about that." Lily allowed, tapping the Wizarding Wireless with her wand, changing the song to a nice, easy waltz.

"Here." Lily said, urging him to stand closer to her "Put one hand on my hip, here, no! Up a bit, you idiot! That's my arse! Right, that's it. Now take my hand like this... yes, that's it, now stop looking down the front of my top... Potter! Stop it! Right. Look at me at _all_ times, got it? Now I'll lead this time, but really you should be the one to lead."

The music started, and Lily expertly steered the tripping, uncoordinated James Potter around the room. He didn't seem to have any ability at all, and Lily was despairing. She began to offer him slight indications of where she would be steering him by nudging her hip forward a bit or squeezing his hand a little, and he caught on quickly. Soon enough he was dancing well enough to not be an embarrassment.

"Sorry I'm not very good." James muttered after the song had finished

"Well... yeah, you're not the world's best, but Rome wasn't built in a day. Stop trying to control it so much, okay? That's actually one of my biggest faults; trying to be too in control. Actually, let's sit down... yes, on the floor... and shut your eyes. I'm going to play the song again, and all I want you to do is just listen to it."

Lily watched as James sat cross-legged, eyes shut, as the song played. About half way through he seemed to start swaying unconsciously to the music, and Lily's face split into a grin. Perhaps he was musical enough after all. He looked quite adorable, there on the floor with his hair a little messy and his eyes screwed tightly shut, swaying softly.

It finished, and Lily helped him up. She didn't want to speak for fear he would lose the memory of the song in his mind. A swift flick of her wand set the music to play, and this time James tripped a lot less. Lily was forcefully reminded of dancing with her cousin, Rob, who had moved to America a year ago. He had been happy to follow her lead, and was just about able to keep up with her in the very easiest of songs, if he'd heard them before. Rob was a good-hearted boy though, and a welcome breath of fresh air in the usually stuffy family gatherings.

James ground to a halt suddenly, frowning in concentration, his arms and legs all in a tangle

"Why'd you stop?" They both asked at the same time, making James laugh and Lily scowl

"Why did you stop?" Lily repeated

"Well you stopped leading me, and I couldn't do it on my own." James admitted with a slight blush "I hadn't realised how difficult it was until you stopped helping me."

Oh Merlin, Lily though. She'd left him on his own for a few moments while she thought about Rob, and he'd completely lost the beat. This was going to be a long two weeks.

At quarter to eleven, Lily allowed them to stop. James was panting like a dog in a sauna and Lily was barely breaking a sweat. She was irritable and a bit annoyed, and she didn't feel tired enough to sleep. However, she had to allow that James had tried his very hardest, and he'd thankfully refrained from either asking her out (come to think of it, he'd not asked her out all year!) or being overly irritating.

"Bloody hell." James wheezed out "How the hell are you not exhausted?"

Lily shrugged "I dance to a lot more difficult songs than this for about three hours a night, just so I'm tired enough to not have... er, to sleep."

James raised an eyebrow at her blatant lie, but let it slide "Well, I have to say I'm impressed. Not to brag, but I'm fairly fit to play quidditch, but you... you're something else."

Lily scowled, not liking where the conversation was heading "Drop it, Potter. Let's head back. I'll do the detention slips until I'm tired enough to sleep. Meet you here at... seven tomorrow morning?"

James's eyes widened "Eight."

"Half seven?"

James nodded resignedly "Alright. Merlin, I'll die. Come on, let's head for bed."

Lily was on a bit of a roll with the detention slips, and managed to actually get them all done by half two in the morning. Her eyes were drooping and her hand was cramped, plus she'd broken another quill. But she grinned as she settled down to sleep. Now the only thing left to do were the house points, and if James needed any help with quidditch, perhaps she should offer to help him. After all, she certainly owed him one.

Lily dragged herself to the dance room at quarter past seven, having woken James up (with a rather cold pint of water) on her way out. She warmed up, then turned on her favourite song, grinning as she fell into a well practiced, yet different every time routine. James arrived unnoticed half way through, and watched as she grinned widely and finished with a flourish.

"You're really talented, you know." He offered, his voice thick of sleep "Ever considered doing it as a career?"

Lily jumped a little and then smiled at him "Thanks for the compliment, but don't you think it would be a bit of a waste of my education if I became a dancer?"

James shrugged "Depends on your point of view. Anyway, shall we get started?"

This time, Lily insisted that James lead in the waltz, and the third time round Lily had to admit that James had done alright. It still didn't have any of the flair that Lily always put into her dance, but it was better by miles than it had been. She decided to move on to another dance, perhaps a samba. That wouldn't be too difficult, surely.

She set the music playing, and grinned. It was much more upbeat than the waltz music was, and she preferred it.

"Right Potter, this is a more... er... suggestive dance, so don't go getting any stupid ideas. Now this is a bit harder than the waltz, steps wise, but I find it easier because the music is more interesting. Don't worry; I'll lead at first, okay?"

They set off, and much to Lily's horror, James didn't share her instinctive ability to follow the music. He ended up falling over, and pulling her over too, numerous times. Clearly, teaching him to dance wouldn't work in the short amount of time they had. She needed a new way of doing it, she mused. She knew that she would be able to tell him exactly what to do, but the problem was, Lily never had a plan when she began to dance. She never had a set routine she could teach him. So what on earth would she do? She usually made split second decisions; if she was in his head, perhaps she'd be able to tell him fast enough but otherwise, it would be impossible.

Well, maybe there was a way of being in his head?

"Potter?" Lily asked as they took a break, drinking water and perching on the edge of the stage "You wouldn't know of a spell that would let me talk to you in your head, would you?"

James frowned "I know there's a spell that allows you to speak directly into someone's ear, without anyone else hearing. Is that what you're looking for?"

Lily shook her head "Nope. It would need to be a spell that actually allowed you into the inside of the other person's head. Otherwise I wouldn't be able to tell you what to do fast enough."

Comprehension dawned on James "Oh, I see what you're after now. I thought you were looking for a way to talk to someone without anyone else knowing. There is a spell that allows you to send intentions and ideas, if you will, through a mental connection. It's an Auror spell; I know it because my parents are Aurors. I'm guessing you want it so you can teach me to dance better?"

Lily nodded, her eyes shining once more at the thought of having a capable dance partner "Can you do the spell? Is there anything we have to do for preparation?"

James pulled his wand out and twirled it through his fingers "I've never done the spell before, but I know the theory of it. It's just a simple non-verbal incantation said by two people at the same time, while eye-contact is held. Dad says it sort of snaps a connection in place between the two people, which is almost like a shared zone. He explained it like a no-man's-land, where both minds are able to work, yet neither actually 'own' the space."

Lily nodded enthusiastically "That's exactly what we need! Let's do the spell now!"

"Now?" James squeaked "Can't you let me practice it first?"

Lily shook her head "I, er, forgot to mention that we have a class of fifth year Hufflepuff/Gryffindors at three..."

James gaped, and then scowled "We need to come to an agreement that you will quit dropping me in it!"

Lily had the grace to blush a little "Yeah... I think you're right with that... So, this spell then?"

"Suo nostrum mens is the incantation. There are no wand movements, actually, just holding the wand directly at the recipient. Obviously, eye-contact is needed, and the spell is non-verbal."

Lily nodded eagerly and drew her willow wand, pointing it at James

"Whenever you're ready!" She said cheerfully, her mind full of dance moves they'd finally be able to perform

Lily watched as James gulped a little, unaware that the voice of James's father was nagging in the back of his mind 'Son, you must not use this spell, alright? I've told you only to satisfy your curious mind. If you get it wrong and you need to go to Mungo's, then the ministry will find out I've been teaching my teenage son Auror spells, and they'll go loopy. And then your mother will find out, and I don't even think I can repeat what she'd do.'

"Ready. Three, two, one!" James said firmly, perhaps before he lost his nerve. Lily's stomach swirled a little in apprehension as she repeated the spell in her mind, eyes focused on James's hazel ones.

It literally felt as if her brain was bubbling. Her natural reaction was to fight it with everything she had, and so she did just that. The piercing scream from the boy sat across from her told her perhaps it was a bad idea. Forcing herself to give up control, to surrender her trust to an unknown entity, Lily allowed the bubbling to recommence. The haggard breathing from James told her that she'd hurt him more than she'd originally thought. Then the bubbling climaxed, like the boiling of a kettle, and then a feeling of her mind being ripped, and then crudely sewn back together with a piece of a different mind. James's mind, she realised with a start.

The process finished, leaving the two teenagers breathing harshly, clutching their heads. Lily felt a huge barrage of relief, which initially confused her; her most predominant reaction had been excitement, at having a good dance partner.

"Lily? Are you really that excited?" Came the incredulous voice of James

Lily grinned sheepishly and twiddled a little with her hair "Yeah. Are you really that relieved?"

James nodded "Definately. My dad would have killed me if that had gone wrong. Well, shall we test it? I have absolutely no idea how this thing works... maybe if you sort of project your thoughts? I dunno. I guess we'll have to test it, right?"

Lily grinned and jumped to her feet, straightening her top and retying her hair. She flicked her wand at the Wizarding Wireless, starting the song. The tiniest thought had James ready to start, and grinning. She raised an eyebrow as she counted them in, in her mind, and then realised he was probably feeling her exhilaration at the thought of dancing.

It went perfectly. Flamboyant, smooth, soulful and foot perfect. Lily had never felt so good when she'd been dancing. Ever. Not even when that man from the Dance Academy in London had come, and danced with her. The Dance Academy Man had nothing on James when he was following her instructions. She felt like she was flying, felt like she was falling, felt like dancing even more.

One look at James's face told her he was either feeling her emotions very clearly, or he too had enjoyed it just as much as she had.

She let out a breathless laugh "Again!"

They danced until James's muscles couldn't take anymore, and he crumbled to the floor in a breathless heap. Even Lily was tired, and that was an accomplishment. Lily turned the Wireless off and couldn't stop the huge grin on her face "You know, that's the most fun I've had dancing in a long time." She allowed "You know what, I'll nip down to the Great Hall and grab us some lunch. What'd you want?"

James looked up with a lazy grin "Steak and chips, healthy dollop of mayonnaise and a lot of salt, please. Oh, and a big, cold glass of pumpkin juice."

Lily conjured a waiter's pad and pen and wrote his order down. She was too caught up in how good the dance had been to realise just how weird it was to be acting civil, even sharing a joke with James Potter.

She ambled through the hallways, hexing the odd male who stared at her in her sweaty shorts and tank top. She stopped at the Gryffindor table, taking a tray and filling it with James's steak, chips, mayonnaise (yuk...) and a good dusting of salt. She grabbed a glass of pumpkin juice for him, and then took herself a ham and cheese Panini.

She levitated the tray behind her, and was just leaving when she ran into the remaining three marauders. Perhaps Remus was too polite, and Peter was too ignorant to notice she had enough food for two on the tray, but Sirius was neither.

"Oi, Evans, eating for two?"

Lily scowled "Oh get out of the way, Black."

A little twinge in her mind (the corner which James shared) told her that James didn't appreciate her being rude to his best friend

"Look, Black, I'm tired, okay? Now just let me go."

"Hey... wait a minute, doesn't James always have mayonnaise and salt on his steak? Right Peter, Remus? He does, doesn't he! Why have you got Prongsie's lunch?" Sirius demanded "What have you done with him, Evans?"

Lily's eyes hardened "Get out of the way before I hex you, Black. Potter and I are heads together. He asked me to get his lunch. Now piss off."

Startled, Sirius allowed her through. She ranted and raved at James through their mental link all the way up to the dance studio, and by the time she got there she'd worked herself into quite a frenzy

"There's your lunch." She snarled, pushing the plate at him "You better be grateful."

"Evans, honestly, put a sock in it. I don't control Sirius, okay? He's not my dog." James told her, snickering a little at some unknown joke "I get that you're irritated, but don't take it out on me, your amazing dance partner."

Lily scowled at him, but the waves of amusement from James caused a slight twitch in her mouth, of the upwards variety much to her horror.

"Alright." She allowed "Alright. I won't take it out on you. Is, er, your lunch how you wanted it?"

"Yeah." James said with a grin "Perfect, actually. Usually Sirius doesn't put enough salt on it, see, and I hate chips without salt on them."

Lily grinned a little "See, I hate chips without vinegar on them. And, just so you know, I love vegetable soup."

James coloured a little "Oh. Er, you don't mind chicken sandwiches, do you?"

"They defiantly make it onto my 'like' list. But that apple made up for it. And I love pumpkin pasties, so that was another bonus point, but please don't ever send me coffee ever again. I hate the stuff. Haven't you noticed me wandering around the Head's tower with a mug of tea in my hand?"

James shook his head "No... actually, you do always seem to have a mug in your hand. But I was sure that was coffee - it always looked too dark to be tea."

"I don't have milk." Lily replied with a shrug "My Mum always drank herbal tea, which you don't put milk in. I guess it's a habit I picked up from her."

Somehow it was alright, this littler reminder of her parents. Somehow it felt like she had a friend to talk to for once. And it lifted a little bit of weight off her heart.

"Tell... tell me more about your parents?" James asked cautiously

Lily set her glass of water down carefully "They... they were brilliant people. My mum was beautiful; tall, blonde hair and green eyes. She loved pretty things, artwork, dancers. She believed girls such as me and my sister should be feminine and pretty on the surface, and yet intelligent and cunning underneath. She always used to tell me off for twiddling my hair. And, as I've just told you, she used to drink herbal tea. She could walk in these amazing heels, you know, like one of the runway models. If I wanted a pretty new dress, or that new handbag, or a new gold quill, she'd jump at the opportunity to buy me something like that.

"Her and my sister, Petunia, were always closer though. Petty and Mum always loved to gossip like school girls about the things our neighbours were doing. Mum always knew the latest news, be it celebrity gossip from an 'OK' magazine or what Mr Number Seven was doing with Mrs Number Two this week. She didn't have any academic qualifications, but she was 'cultured', I suppose you'd call it. She could dance formally, and she always knew how to make polite conversation, or the do's and don'ts of every social function. She had very aristocratic features, a little horse-like I suppose, but it suited her.

"Daddy, on the other hand, was a quiet, reserved and very intelligent man. He would help me with any school work I couldn't do, would explain philosophical debates to me. He encouraged my academic education just as my mother pushed my social education. He could be hilariously funny and very wise. He was a bit like Dumbledore, in a weird sort of way. Calm and assured and intelligent. He'd studied philosophy at Oxford, and spent most of his time in his office, reading literature or writing his own. I was closer to him. He had a love of classic cars and Greek architecture. He used to despair over Petunia's boyfriends just as much as Mum used to encourage her. He had red hair, just like mine, which he kept perfectly groomed in a comb over.

"I always used to wonder what on earth Mummy and Daddy saw in each other. They had neither any common interests nor any common traits. As the years passed, I began to realise that their relationship was more of a functional work partnership than a loving marriage. Not to say they didn't love each other, but I know they weren't each other's 'soul mates'. But they both loved me and Petunia, even if perhaps they would have been happier with someone else.

"Merlin, I can't believe I've just told you all that." Lily finished, looking dazed

James smiled, his eyes closed "I can picture them, you know."

Lily smiled too "I think that's probably because I just sent you a picture of them, you idiot."

"Oh." James replied sheepishly "Yeah, that'll be it."

Just then, the door opened, and McGonagall stepped through, raising an incredulous eyebrow at the sight of two 'enemies' sharing lunch together

"How are dance lessons?" She asked politely, receiving two blinding smiles in return

"Can we show you, Professor?" James asked, standing and offering a hand to Lily, pulling her up.

"Go ahead." McGonagall said, motioning the to the dance floor. She felt certain this would be a disaster.

Lily flicked her wand at the Wireless, starting the music for the foxtrot. It was much more difficult than anything Lily had expected James to be able to do, especially after his initial abysmal performance with the waltz, the first time they tried.

The split second information allowed James to seem as though he was leading, as the two swept and twirled around the dance floor. James missed a slight step, but Lily was able to cover it. As always, Lily couldn't help but feel liberated and freed by the music and the dance, swirling and pulling and pushing and pulsing through her.

They held their pose as the music ended to the sound of McGonagall's enthusiastic applause

"I have to tell you, Lily, when you told me James Potter was a good dancer I was sceptical. But, I feel, I owe an apology. I have never seen such a good dance in all my time, and let me remind you that I don't give compliments mildly. Now then, I'm a busy lady. I hope you are ready for your lesson this afternoon, and I hope you have all your assignments from your teachers up to date. I would hate to have to assign you time-turners so you had enough time to both dance and go to lessons."

It was only after she had left that Lily realised just how big a compliment the professor had paid them, by saying she would get them time turners, so they had time to both dance and go to lessons. After all, there was very little Minerva McGonagall placed above academic education.


	3. Lacy Pearls and Pineapple

_Right, this chappie throws the proverbial spanner in the works. It's something I've actually never seen done (at least, not in the way I plan to) in a Lily/James fic, so I hope it works out alright. Thank you all for your lovely reviews - all three of them - and for everyone who's read it. If you had a few seconds to spare, I'd love a few more reviews!_

* * *

'Treasure is a whim, and one that every man spends his life searching for'

* * *

Lily could barely breathe. She was nervous enough as it was, but with James's anxiety pooling into her as well across the link, she was fit to faint. Oh Merlin she couldn't do this! What had she been thinking? Teaching dancing! It was insane, completely insane!

Her hand caught in her hair as she twiddled it into a knot. Her mind wandered anxiously over the little morsels of wisdom her parents had imparted on her over their years together. Her father would have been proud of her for doing this. He always had liked teaching, and he would have been pleased Lily was sharing her skills. Perhaps her mother would have been pleased, but more likely than not, she would have been more interested in James; was he a possible suitor? Could he be encouraged? Lily shook her head, a slight smile on her face. Her mother had been so delusional sometimes. Her and James? Ha! In a million years, more like.

She jumped a little as she heard James laughing quietly "We're daft buggers, aren't we?" He said, ruffling his hair "Look at us. Afraid of teaching a bunch of kids dancing."

Lily turned and scowled at him. She didn't think she was a daft bugger, thank you very much. She was perfectly within her rights to be nervous! If it weren't for him, sending her his nerves over the link, she probably wouldn't be nervous at all, damn it! Merlin, he was so obnoxious!

"Lily, Lily, calm down. I wasn't trying to be rude; I was more poking fun at myself than at you." James assured her, finding her much easier to deal with now he had an insight into her emotions

Lily glared at him, but the effect was ruined somewhat by a slight smile that curved her lips. The door opened and the students began to trickle in, prompting Lily and James to stand at the front, by the stage, and smile politely as the students milled around, looking uncomfortable, waiting for the rest of the class to arrive.

"Alright, settle down!" Lily called in her best teacher voice. Much to her horror, only a handful of students even paid her any attention at all. With a frown, she repeated it again.

"Excuse me!" She called

"Oi! Shut up and listen, you bunch of idiots!" James yelled when Lily's polite request had no effect. Lily scowled when they all listened to him and did exactly as asked.

"Right. Me an' Lil's are gonna give you a quick demo, then we'll set 'bout teaching you the basics. Got it? Good."

Lily scowled at him and shot a glare his direction at his demolition of the grammar. But then the music was on and James grinned at her, and then they were dancing. Gliding and floating and it was perfect. Much to her surprise, he seemed to be improving; more able to dance with less direction from her. James twirled Lily, dipping her as the song ended and grinning down at her.

"Hey." He whispered

"Hey yourself." She whispered back, smiling as he pulled her upright again. Lily glanced over the class of awestruck students and couldn't help but be dragged into the memory of her very first day of dance class...

"_Tuney! Tuney hurry up! I don't want to be late for my first lesson!" Seven year old Lily Evans yelled up the stairs to her sister_

"_Lily!" her mother chastised "Don't yell like that; you're a young lady, not a football yob!"_

_Lily smiled at her mum, a cheeky, toothy smile that all seven year olds seem to have perfected "But Mummy, I _might_ be a football yob, but you just don't know!"_

_The elegant blonde woman shook her head at her daughter "Really, Lily, if you keep saying things like that, one day I might believe you. Now then, why don't you hurry upstairs and see if your sister needs some help?"_

_Lily scowled a little and slipped her shoes off, scurrying up the smooth wooden stairs, hand running lightly over the carved handrail. She pushed Petunia's door open and peered inside. Petunia's room was a fussy shade of magnolia, much too old for the young girl, yet Petunia liked it because it made her look grown-up. Unlike Lily's room, no crayon drawings adorned the walls, only _proper_ artwork done by expensive artists. On the bed sat a small, worn pink bunny, the only evidence that a young child lived in the room. Even the doll's house on the low white table looked too fussy to be a toy; rather it appeared to be an ornament. _

"_Tuney?" Lily called into the empty room, trying to ignore the sinking feeling that Petunia was gone "Tuney! Where are you?"_

_No answer and Lily bit her lip, racing off to search the rest of the house._

_Soon enough, it was proven that Number Seven, the Crescent, was completely Petunia-free. Lily sat, crying, on the staircase. Her sister, gone! _

"_Alright, Fairy?" Her dad asked, his calm, soft voice soothing her "Petunia's probably just decided to play with... oh, what's that boy's name?"_

"_You mean Sev?" Lily asked, glancing up at her father "Lives on Spinner's End?"_

_The red haired man nodded "Yes, him."_

_Lily scowled "Tuney doesn't like Sev, because he'd got a big nose. And he believes in magic, and Tuney says magic isn't real. I don't think she'll be with Sev, but where is she, Daddy?"_

_Lily's father sighed "I don't know, Lily Flower. But you'll miss your dance class if you don't go now. Don't worry; Mummy will take you to dance class, and I will look for your missing sister. Are you all ready to go?"_

_Lily stood up, her temper flaring "Daddy! I'm not going anywhere until I know Tuney's alright! She could be hurt! I won't go, and you can't make me, Daddy, I won't go!"_

_Lily's father chuckled "That's my Lily."_

_After what felt like hours to Lily, Mrs Next Door popped around, a smiling and chocolate-covered Petunia in tow. _

"_Sowwy, Mummy." Petunia said, switching to baby like talk in the hope of getting out of trouble "I got choccy bikkits!"_

"_Goodness, Petunia, don't be so ridiculous!" Her mum snapped once Mrs Next Door had gone – wouldn't want Mrs Next Door to think they didn't love Petunia, after all – "You know your sister has her first dance lesson! Don't just run off like that!"_

_Petunia burst into noisy tears, wailing and crying, her dark blonde hair flying around as she jumped up and down in a tantrum. _

"_Come on, Lily Flower." Her father said, quietly into her ear "We'll leave your mum and Petunia to their little... discussion. I'll take you to dance class. Are you all ready to go?"_

_Lily nodded slowly and took her father's hand, following him outside and into the black, shiny, cream leather Jag. Soon enough they were rolling through the Cheshire countryside, vibrant green in the spring weather. The dance studio, Lily noted with a worried flip of her stomach, was much bigger than she'd first thought, and big girls, and one or two boys were drifting in and out of it. All of them walked so elegantly, Lily noted, and she couldn't help but wish she walked like that. In fact, Lily swore to herself, she'd get so good at this dancing malarkey, that she'd be able to walk just like them in no time. _

_Wearing her little pink tutu and soft leather pumps, Lily cautiously made her way into the studio. The lesson had already started, and Lily flushed at the thought of being late_

"_Um, excuse me?" Lily called quietly "I'm, er, a bit late..."_

_Then her father was there, striding into the hall was a soft twinkle in his eye. He led her up to the dance teacher, an elderly lady with her hair in a sharp bun. _

"_Excuse me, this is Lily Evans. Unfortunately we had a little mishap this morning; her sister went missing. Petunia's been found now though, but obviously that has made us late today. We're very sorry." He said, one hand on Lily's shoulder like he always did when she was worried. It was his way of offering a silent support, and Lily dreaded the day it wouldn't be there. _

_The lady looked down at her "Well then, Lily, do you want to dance?"_

_Lily frowned a little "I want to be e-elegant. Like the big girls and boys." _

_The lady chuckled "That's a long word for a little lady like yourself. Do you know what it means?"_

_Lily nodded furiously "It means to be floaty, like a duck."_

_The dance lady and Lily's father shared amused glances. "Alright then, Floaty Lily, do you want to stand in line next to Milly... yes, that's Milly... perfect. Now then, Mr Evans, pick up is in half an hour."_

_Half an hour later, Lily had to be forcibly dragged out of that little dance studio, beaming ear-to-ear. She wasn't a dancer to be gaped at, or even slightly good; she danced just as well as all seven year olds do at their first dance lesson. But she had loved it more than she had enjoyed making the petals on flowers open and close really fast, or jumping off the swing when it was really high up and landing easily on her feet. More than she loved reading, or loved sitting on her father's knee as he tried to explain the meaning of the universe. More than she loved the feeling of a brush running rhythmically through her hair, or the new dresses her mother brought her from London. _

"_Did you enjoy that, poppet?" Her father asked, folding his Financial Times and laying it on the back seat as he helped Lily onto her booster seat_

"_It was brilliant, Daddy." Lily replied simply "Thank you for taking me."_

The lesson passed in a blur for Lily; her mind was firmly in the past, inside the safety of the dance studio, the comfort of her father's Jag, the prissy walls of Petunia's room. The smooth wood of the staircase, her mother's insistence that she remove her shoes before going upstairs. Mrs Next Door's chocolate biscuits. The playground, her father's study. The smell of the Financial Times (which, Lily was certain, had a very distinctive smell, almost as distinct as her mother's perfume had been), the feel of her soft pink pumps on her feet.

"Lily?" James asked, watching her cautiously as the students filed out "Lily? Are you in there?"

Lily turned empty green eyes on him, and watched as James seemed to shiver. He took a step towards her, hand reaching towards her shoulder in a vain attempt to comfort, offer support.

"Leave me alone." She spat. Her father had done that, that putting a hand on her shoulder. He'd done it that first day of dance class, he'd done it when Petunia had gone missing. It was a gesture that belonged to him, and him alone, damn it! She wouldn't let Potter steal something that was her father's. Hell, she'd let him in too much these past few days. It was the dancing that had done it, she was sure. It was a bad idea after all. What had possessed her to tell McGonagall this?

She swung for the door but found Potter in her way once more

"Move." She whispered harshly, lips pulled back in a snarl "Move, now!"

There was something feral, something animal in Lily. She could feel it, clawing and prowling and begging to be allowed control. It promised freedom from the pain, promised the power to crush this worthless being into dust. It scared Lily enough to bring some of her human side to the front once again. But it didn't diminish the feeling inside her. Like having a lioness caged in her chest.

James moved to the side, a shocked look on his face. For a fleeting moment, Lily felt guilty. But the moment passed, and Lily rushed out of the room and through the corridors, heading for Slughorn's office.

"Professor? Professor!" Lily called, knocking on his door

"Goodness gracious, Lily, are you quite alright?" Slughorn asked, his bushy eyebrows rising as he took in Lily's flustered appearance "Would you like some tea?"

Lily nodded and slipped inside, settling into a padded armchair and looking around Slughorn's familiar office. Photos adorned the walls, famous people waved and smiled at her from their frames. She glanced at the goldfish she'd charmed and given to him earlier that year; it was swimming idly around the tank. As with all charms, it would last as long as she was alive, so she hoped that goldfish would be still there in a good many years to come. Of course, with the war brewing she knew she was perhaps being a little naive.

"Here's your tea, Lily. Now, what's bothering you?" Slughorn asked, handing her a steamy mug of tea, one sugar and no milk just as she always had it.

Lily blew softly on the tea, cooling it for a moment, before sipping it. "Professor, will you promise not to tell anyone this?"

Slughorn nodded "Of course, Lily, you know that."

"Well... I'm just so confused! And I'm still not over my parent's d-death and I don't have any friends now Sev doesn't speak to me anymore and now Potter's being nice to me and I don't know why and I'm supposed to be teaching dance-classes and I'm worried about my NEWTs and I'm scared about this war and I just... and I'm just so overwhelmed."

Slughorn chuckled quietly "Lily, my dear, first things first. You're parent's death is not something you will ever get over. Life is like that, trust me I know. I lost my own parents in the war against Grindlewald. Over time you learn to live with the pain, but it will never truly leave you. You will see them in everything you do in daily life for as long as you live. I know I still taste my mother's crystallized pineapple every time I eat the stuff. I still remember how my father used to laugh at everything even when it wasn't funny. I still know exactly what my mother would say if she walked through this door now and saw how messy my office is. That is just a fact of life, Lily.

"Now then, from what I can gather you do have a friend; the esteemed Mr Potter. Of course, you're confused because he's been nothing but rude to you all the time you've known him. But remember, Lily, people change. The Severus Snape that lives in the Slytherin dorms right now is nothing like the boy you knew as a younger girl. You're nothing like the shy, embarrassed, awkward little eleven year old who sat on that stool and was sorted into Gryffindor. Things in your life have shaped and changed you into who you are now.

"Perhaps Mr Potter is merely being nice to you because he has recognized your situation and is trying to help you?"

"But I don't _want_ his sympathy!" Lily burst in "I don't _need_ his sympathy!"

Slughorn smiled at Lily "Oh I think you do. I think you're forgetting how much that boy has helped you. He's been to see me a few times too, you know, asking me if I would give you a bit less homework, wanting to know if there was anything he could do to help you get through potions easier. He was quick to point out that you're a lot better at my subject than he is, but he was still willing to help... no, don't try to find an answer to that. There isn't always a simple answer to things, you know Lily.

"Now then, where was I in your list? Ah yes, dance class. From what I've heard from Professor McGonagall when she was bragging in the staff room, you and Mr Potter are the best dancers in the whole school, possibly, she feels, in the whole country."

"But being able to dance and being able to teach dancing are two different things!" Lily pointed out, pausing in her tea-drinking

"But you used to tutor some younger students in Potions, that much I know, and I know that their grades would invariably rise after your help. So that tells me you're perfectly capable of teaching. I'm sure you're doing a brilliant job. And if not? What does it matter? Are any of these students wanting to become professional dancers? No, of course not! They're doing it for fun, so make sure you enjoy it too.

"NEWTs, Lily dear, are not something you need to worry about. If you don't pass all of them with an O, I will be very surprised. You are a talented young lady, no matter what anyone else might say, and you have nothing to worry about in your exams. You'll probably do better if you're not worrying about them.

"The war..." Slughorn paused, his face ageing as a frown adorned his brow "The war, Lily, is something you are right to worry about. I cannot predict where it is going, what is going to happen nor what the outcome is going to be. It will be dangerous for all of you once you leave Hogwart's safe walls. The best advice I can offer you, Lily, is to be prepared. To pass your NEWTs you need to be able to understand the theoretical, and correctly cast the spells. You don't need to be able to cast under the stress of a battle, nor do you need to be able to hit a moving target. You don't need to be able to make split-second decisions which could either save or take your life, nor do you have anyone else's life resting in your hands. There is no way to recreate that type of situation; the best you can do is practice, practice, practice at hitting moving targets, duelling and such so you have the skills should you ever need to use them."

Lily and Slughorn sat in silence, the weight of the topic thickening the air. It was clear Slughorn's mind was back in the battle between Grindlewald, and Lily didn't want to interrupt him. She sipped her tea quietly, thankful she had something in her hands that would stop her twiddling her hair.

"Right." Slughorn said eventually, standing up and refilling both their cups "Enough of this morbid topic. Tell me more about how you learnt to dance quite so well, multitalented young lady that you are."

Lily left Slughorn's office feeling much more settled than she had done. Slughorn was a little like her father, actually, in his methodical and sensible way of tackling Lily's problems. Just as her teacher had promised, it hurt still to think of anyone taking her father's place. Perhaps, she mused, that was why she'd felt so angry with James earlier. Maybe she didn't want to take comfort from someone other than her parents, as it had been their job for so long.

She whispered the password to the portrait and slipped noiselessly inside. Her eyes swept over the room, with its hooks by the door for their robes, the fire dancing in the hearth, surrounded by the plush cream sofas, armchairs and oak coffee table, the occasional orange cushion dotted here and there. She supposed they'd chosen a colour that had nothing to do with the houses. Her Charms homework was sprawled over the little table in the kitchen area, just through the archway. Her shoes were lying haphazardly on the wooden floor, one on the thick sheepskin rug and one near the entrance. James's quidditch robes were emitting a hideous smell from the corner by the calendar and the portrait of Wendy Quipply.

James's quidditch plans were spell-o-taped to the wall, overflowing from the study area. Books lay randomly all over the desk in there, broken quills and leaking ink-pots staining the thick cream carpet. James's bedroom door was shut, and Lily could only guess at the mess likely to be growing in there. Her own door was slightly ajar, and she could just make out the pile of washing on her chair that she was yet to take down to the laundry.

She ambled into the kitchen area, absently considering tidying up. She knew she should really do the detention slips, and she had a lot of homework to do now she wasn't taking classes... but Lily being Lily, tidying up sounded like a much better option.

There, on the side by the sink and the pot which had a water-heating charm on it (although Lily was tempted to just call it a 'kettle') sat in innocuous mug, and a little note. Picking it up and inhaling the scent of herbal tea, Lily glanced at the note.

_Hey_

_Listen, I'm really sorry I upset you. I, er, didn't mean it at all. I'm not too sure what I did in the first place, but I just wanted you to know that it wasn't intentional. I thought you did a brilliant job teaching those kids today, and I hope you feel better after a mug of tea? See, I remembered you don't like coffee! I'm trainable! Haha, don't tell Sirius I said that. _

_Anyway, I've done the detention slips, so you needn't worry about them. I'm at quidditch practice now, but if you need me for anything I can cut it short. Although I'd rather not, you know? Quidditch for me is like dancing for you. Maybe, now I enjoy dancing, you'd like to try quidditch?_

_Just a thought. You know. You, er, don't have to take me up on it. I don't want to push you into anything. Erm, yeah. _

_Potter_

_James_

_Potter_

Lily laughed softly. His notes always made her smile, especially when she didn't have to admit that to anyone else. He wrote them as if he was actually saying them, complete with embarrassed 'erm's and awkward 'er's. Really, it was quite endearing.

But her, try quidditch? Not in a million years! She had nothing against the game, but she couldn't catch to save her life, so she'd be useless. Plus she'd not been on a broom since they'd chosen electives in third year, and Lily had promptly dropped Flying. After all, if she wanted to take Arithmacy, Ancient Runes and Care of Magical Creatures already, she simply wouldn't have time for an hour's flying a day.

Perhaps... perhaps she'd let him down easy.

After all, he'd done the detention slips, so she would now have time to tidy up. She grinned a little and pulled her loose hair up into a messy bun, securing it with her wand as an afterthought. Rolling her shirt sleeves up, Lily set about tidying up. Her nose wrinkled as she collected James's quidditch robes from the floor (really, did that boy have a thing against coat hangers?). Soon the hall, kitchen area and lounge area was pristine, and Lily cautiously made her way into the study.

She pulled the blinds open, letting the winter sun stream in, and opened the window. The wind was bitter cold, but it made Lily smile as it teased tendrils of her hair away from their confines. She gathered the pairs of shoes strewn around the floor and set them neatly in the hall, and watered the Snap-Dragons on the windowsill. She cleaned up the ink stains and binned the broken quills, before her hand fell on the letters.

With a guilty glance at the door, Lily unfolded the first one, the parchment crackly and crunching in her hand.

_Mon Amour,_

Lily's throat felt dry for some reason

_Well, I thought for once I would skip all the pleasantries. Of course, you never want to know about how my week has been anyway, but I live in hope that one day you will take some sort of notice in my life. In me, for that matter. After all, you won't have much choice by the end of this year. Perhaps you should just make this easier for both of us and stop being so selfish. _

_But I digress. I was in Twillfit and Tattings yesterday, buying some new dress robes for the Potter Christmas Ball (which, I have to say, I'm very excited for... if you get my meaning!), when I saw the perfect Dress! I know! I'm ecstatic too! Mother was over the moon, mainly because I've been dragging her into different wedding shops for months now, trying to find The Dress, but I've never seen one that was good enough for you and me. _

_Well, I know you're not allowed to see it, but that doesn't mean I can't describe it to you, does it? Of course not. It's white (not ivory – never did like ivory, it's too... bland. Sort of as if the dress-maker couldn't decide between white or cream, so went for a halfway house), high-necked and covered in lace and pearls. It sparkles in the light like an ice-sculpture; it's beautiful! It has a huge, lacy, full train... which mother was a bit worried about, because it doesn't actually fit in the isle at St Merlin's Cathedral. But, they'll just have to expand the isle. I'm not having a different dress just because the church is too small! _

_Anyway, I'm sure Mother will be rather encouraging with the organisers, a Mr Fieldron. I can't think of a singly man unable to withstand mother's vela charms. In fact, I can't think of a single man who can withstand my charms, and I'm half-vela. Of course, you still hate me just as much as you lust after me, that is not something I can change. But I wish you would like me, I really do. _

_Anyway, Beauxbaton's is looking beautiful all decked out in its festive cheer, and I have had such a lovely time helping the head boy, a Monsieur Delacour, set up the Christmas Ball. Shame I won't be there to witness it, as I'll be in cold little England for your ball. Not that I mind, of course, because I so enjoy your company. When we are married, though, I hope we can come to an agreement about spending the winters in France. I know how much you love your little country, so I don't mind spending summer, perhaps with your parents. But, if we're married, maybe we'll want a bit more... privacy? _

_Now then, seeing as you still insist on keeping this whole 'arranged marriage' thing a secret, I was wondering what you were planning on telling your merry little amis when you and I arrive as guests of honour at your Christmas Ball, and your parents announce our engagement? Surely you do not intend to tell them it is all a big joke? Please tell me you've thought of something. Why can't you just tell them? They're your friends, non? They will understand! They'll be happy that you're marrying someone like me, of proper heritage and, of course, half vela! Please, Jamie, please just tell them. I'm beginning to think you are ashamed of me. _

_On a lighter note, my English is much better, oui? I still have a sexy French accent though, so don't worry your pretty English head about that. Think back to our first letters, when I could barely write a sentence! I do have an advantage though; Vela's are naturally more adept at learning languages, for some reason. _

_Well, I must go. I promised Monsieur Delacour I would show him around Paris (he's from the South, and he's never actually been to Paris before. Imagine! Never been to Paris!), and help him buy some dress robes for the ball. He really is an unusual boy; he doesn't seem to mind shopping, and with me as well! Even my mother, the eternal shopper, doesn't like shopping with me. I hope I didn't accidentally blast him with my Vela charm. _

_Oh well. _

_Anyway, I can't wait to see you, Christmas feels too long away._

_Apolline, your fiancé. _

_Xxx_

Married, Lily thought. Bloody hell, James was having an arranged marriage! Lily refolded the letter with slightly shaky hands, and then replaced it on the pile, back with the other letter which Lily assumed must have been of the same nature. Merlin, she thought. Married, at their age! Lily was sure she didn't want to be married before she was twenty five at the earliest, that way she'd have time to maybe go to muggle university (Cambridge had always held an appeal for her), perhaps travel and see the world a bit before spending plenty of time finding the right guy. And there was no way she'd even consider having children before thirty. Oh no. Lily didn't want to be tied down before she'd had at least some time to spread her wings.

She really pitied James for this; she might think he was a bit of a prat, but he certainly didn't deserve to be marrying this poncy French tart.

Huh, Lily thought, that was a bit harsh. She'd only read a single letter... damn it! That girl had wanted a dress too big to fit down the aisle! Lily was well within her rights to not like someone as pretentious as that. And to think, just when Lily thought she knew James.

Lily's shoulders slumped and she began tidying again, but this time her hair didn't seem quite so jaunty, up in its bun with her want stuck out of the top, and her eyes didn't sparkle as they had done previously. In fact, she looked decidedly as if someone had just kicked her puppy.

* * *

If it helps, I do feel rather guilty right now. Poor, poor Lily, and poor, poor James.

Hopefully it's fairly clear just who James's fiancé is.

Please review!

Ashi

xxx


	4. Plans for White Dresses

_Took me a bit longer this time to update... sorry about that. Hopefully it was worth the wait!_

* * *

_'There are more dead people than living. And their numbers are increasing. The living are getting rarer.'_

_EUGENE IONESCO, Rhinoceros_

* * *

"So, er, are we alright again?"

Lily looked up from the catalogues from Twillfit and Tattings (not that she'd be buying anything from them – that stuck up French girl shopped in there), that they'd sent on her request for the ball. Not many places sold regency-era styling though, so Lily was a bit tight for options. Unless she decided to brave the inevitable insults and buy something from a muggle shop. That actually merited some consideration, she decided, because maybe she would be able to alter it a little so the fashions would suit the wizarding world better. After all, charms was her best subject.

"Lily?" James cautiously prompted "Er, did you hear me?"

Lily scowled, but the overwhelming feeling of apology James was projecting through the link made it somewhat hard to stay mad at him for any length of time. And she was still too shocked about the whole 'arranged marriage' thing to bother being angry.

"Yeah. I heard you." She muttered. What could she say in this situation? Nothing, that's what! 'Oh, hey James, I heard about your marriage. Congrats. Really chuffed for you; she seems like a right bitch. But she's pretty so it's okay, right' just didn't seem to cut it.

The portrait swung open making Lily turn in shock, grabbing her wand.

"Feisty." Sirius commented lazily, strolling in "Say, Prongs, you wouldn't have a plan for Mission:Frog, would you?"

James's face darkened into a shocking leer "Not yet. Of course, a led weight and a nice, deep lake sounds like a good idea at the moment."

It didn't take Lily long to work out what they were talking about, and she awkwardly stowed her wand. "Black. How do you know the password?"

Sirius threw an amused glance at her over his shoulder "Really, love, I'm a marauder. We know everything."

Lily's eyebrows crawled up her forehead

"What the hell have you done to your eyebrows?" Sirius asked with a snicker "Looks like someone took a cutting-charm to them while drunk!"

Lily's face flooded with colour, and she spluttered with rage. Maybe all those years when she'd hated James, it had actually been Black who was more annoying. Mind you, birds of a feather flock together, and all that. Did that mean she was too weird to have any 'birds of a feather'?

"Lily, what is it with you these days, drifting off into your little world?" James asked, dragging her back to earth "Are you... are you alright?"

Sirius laughed before Lily had an opportunity to answer "She's a few pints short of a piss-up, that's for sure."

Lily's lip curled and her eyes sparked with anger. Rich red hair flying and hands on hips, she stalked over to Sirius. Unfazed, he gazed down at her with one eyebrow cocked, mouth playing with a light smirk.

"Hey, baby." Sirius flirted "Did I mention I like feisty girls?"

Lily snarled "Did I mention I'd like to see you run over by the Knight Bus?"

Sirius laughed "Hey, this one's got balls, Prongsie-Boy, messing with a Marauder like that. I like it. Got any hot friends, Evans?"

Lily faltered. No, she didn't have any hot friends. She didn't really have any friends at all. She half-heartedly considered hexing him until he regretted even mentioning it, but all the fire had gone out of her. Running a weary hand over her forehead, shoulders slumping a little, Lily stepped back away from Sirius and glanced over at James. She could feel a little trickle of worry from their link, but it barely reassured her enough to keep from crying.

"No, Black, I don't have any friends." Lily said quietly, before leaving the stunned boys and locking the door to her room behind her, shutting herself in the sanctuary it provided.

Lily slid down the wood door, back resting on it with her knees pulled up, hugging them to her. She didn't notice at first, but she could still hear everything (well, most of it, and it was a little muffled) that James and Black were saying

"... Can't just go saying those things, Sirius!"

"Why not? It was funny, you have to admit. Plus she looks all hot when she's angry like that. You can't honestly expect me to believe you didn't notice how hot she was? Surely, I mean you had this whopping big thing for her last year, and the year before that!"

She could hear James sighing, and almost imagine him rubbing a worried hand through his hair, ruffling it.

"Look, Padfoot, I know I might have had a thing for her, hell I still think she's gorgeous, but you'd have to be gay not to. But I'm getting married. Married. M-A-R-R-I-E-D. To a half vela. From France. I'm not sure if you're quite getting it."

"So? It's not like you like this French babe, is it? Although personally I think her and Evans are pretty even; both are hot, but neither are exactly easy company, are they?"

"Lily's not that bad." James defended quietly, so quiet Lily had to strain to hear him

"Not that bad?" If she'd had any doubt about what James had said, Sirius had just repeated it loud enough for even the Slytherins, down in their dungeons, to hear "Mate, she's bloody mental!"

"She's going through a rough time, Paddy."

"Rough time? I went through some fairly _rough times_, and you don't see me walking around with a ten foot pole stuck up my ass!"

"Well, it's a bit different for Lily." James continued

"Lily? Lily? Not Evans anymore, huh? And what's this crap about dancing? Jamie, my old pal, you hate dancing with a passion!"

"You said you were alright with that!" James exclaimed "Bloody hell, I was just doing her a favour!"

"Yeah? Why should you? What's she ever done to you other than turn you down repeatedly and be nothing but horrible, cold and uptight?" Sirius shot back

"She helps me with the Head stuff." James mumbled, but he didn't sound convinced

"Bollocks!" Sirius shouted "That's utter, complete bollocks! Merlin's left testicle, James, don't get drawn in by her sob story! You and I both know that without Moony's help, you'd have crashed and burnt with the Head's wotsits months ago! And that ball, right, you've practically done everything for it! And then you still run around begging teachers on bended knees to let poor little Lily fucking Evans off the bloody hook when they really should be letting _you_ off the hook!"

Silence, and Lily held her breath, the odd tear trundling down her face like a lazy snake on a cold day.

"Padfoot, I know you feel like you're losing your best friend." James began

"No I don't!" Sirius butted in "I don't!"

James ignored him "But I just want you to know, that you're not. I know we haven't done any pranks, really, this year because I've been so busy with everything, and I get that you're irritated about that. But please. Please just bare with me here. I need your support, not you being a snivelling little brother like you are being now."

Silence, again

"Fine." Sirius muttered eventually "Fine, so long as Evans actually does something to help."

Lily bit her lip. She supposed Black did, actually, have a point. She was trying to help by doing things like tidying up and doing the laundry, but in all honesty James probably didn't even notice. Maybe she could offer to help him with his work, but she didn't want to seem like she was saying she thought he was failing. Besides, she wasn't getting that much higher grades than he was.

Then she heard the floorboards outside her room creak, and shot up, swiping her tears away angrily and throwing herself into the chair by the mirror, so whoever it was outside her door wouldn't realise she'd just been listening into their conversation. Er, more like argument, actually.

"Evans?" Sirius called from behind the door "Er, look, I'm sorry I said some of that stuff, but I think I have a point."

"Sirius!" Came James's reprimand

"Er, anyway, Could we come in?" Sirius finished, opening the door and striding in before she could answer.

The three parties stared at each other, Lily taking in James's much-messier-than-usual hair, a sure sign he was stressed and had been ruffling it like her mother had done bed sheets, Black with his hands in his pockets, looking a little sheepish.

"I want to help." Lily said, breaking the silence "I, er, was listening in... sorry about that... and I think Black has a bit of a point. So, if there's anything I can help with?"

"Listening in? Listening in?" Sirius burst out, only to be stopped by James

"Thanks, Lily. That's really good of you. I'm not really sure what you can do, but it's the thought that counts."

Lily fidgeted a bit, hand going reflexively to twiddle a strand of hair, knotting it and braiding it. "Well, I couldn't help but hear about your, ah, marriage. That you don't seem too pleased about. Is there anything I can do to help with that, maybe? I'm not sure what, though. Actually, that was a stupid idea. Ignore me."

James smiled a little and shook his head "Thanks for the offer, but I doubt anything short of insane would change my parent's mind."

Sirius, however, was staring pensively at Lily, before a wide smirk burst over his face like an egg being cracked. In fact, Lily felt sure there should have been a light bulb above the boy's head.

"I've got such a good idea."

* * *

That evening, at dinner, Lily found herself eating in the Great Hall. It wasn't something she liked to do; she felt stupid sat on her own when everyone around her was chattering happily, so usually she would gather her dinner and retreat to a safe place to eat it. Unless Frank was there without Alice (a rarity in itself), then she might be brave enough to sit with him.

"So, what do your parent's do?" Pettigrew asked, oblivious to the sudden tense postures of both Lily and James.

"They, erm, they... they... they... I don't know." Lily stuttered out

"You don't know?" Sirius asked, incredulous "Honestly?"

"Um... yeah." Lily said, sipping at her vegetable soup, ignoring James's disgusted look. Clearly he had meant it when he said he didn't like vegetable soup.

"Drop it, Sirius." Remus said lightly "I'm sure there are more interesting things to talk about. How is teaching Dance Class going?"

Lily smiled gratefully at him "Oh, Dance Class is actually more fun than I thought it would be, although it's kinda irritating that the students are so rubbish at it. I guess everyone is, when they start. I mean, the amount of times James fell over when I was first trying to teach him doesn't bare thinking about."

"How come he picked it up so fast if he was so bad at it?" Sirius asked, looking suspicious

"Er, lots of practice?" James offered, picking at his roast beef

Remus, Sirius and Peter all turned to look at him in blatant disbelief

"So, er, any of you boys like the Holyhead Harpies?" Lily asked awkwardly

"Oh, Peter's little sister used to like them, but she died two years ago." Sirius said blandly

Peter gave a sad smile "Sophie was a huge fan of Gwenog Jones, actually. Always badgering Mum and Dad to take her to a signing after a match. In the end, I got her a signed poster for Christmas one year. She treasured it like it was made of solid gold."

Lily's mouth was open slightly, and she closed it before anyone would notice. How could Peter talk about the death of his sister so... normally? It had only been two years! She didn't think she'd ever be able to talk about her parents quite so normally, never mind about in two years time.

"How... this is a rude question, alright, so you don't have to answer. Er, how on earth can you talk about her so normally?" Lily asked cautiously.

Peter looked up, surprised "You know, Lily, the pain of losing a loved one is not something you can even begin to understand until you've gone through it. People theorize and sympathize and try to empathize, but the truth is that no matter what anyone tells you, your pain for losing whoever it was, will always be unique to you. For me, every time I see converse shoes or a net skirt in a lurid green colour, which admittedly isn't often, I cry my eyes out."

The other three Marauders stared at Peter in outright shock. Lily assumed it was because Peter never really voiced his opinion much, or said something so full of wisdom.

"But don't you ever feel like... like mourning your sister will weaken you, make you more vulnerable?" Lily asked, unable to help herself

Peter's eyes met Lily's and a spark of understanding flowed. Peter bowed his head, his limp, watery features saddening "Lily, I can honestly tell you that if someone walked up to me now and told me they could get Sophie back, I would do anything, anything in the world to make that happen. And yes, that terrifies me."

The rest of the meal passed with awkward silences and enough pointless small talk to make Lily wish she'd done as she usually did and eaten in the Head's common room.

The next day Lily woke to that subtle quietness that suggested snow. With a wide grin, Lily flew out of bed, fingers crossed, and pressed her nose elegantly (er...) against the windowpane. There! There it was! Snow! Perfect and new and crisp like new sheets of paper, as soft and yet harsh as her mother had been, as new and yet age-old as her father. It was perfect, Lily concluded, and she dressed eagerly.

Much to her surprise, James was just about to step through the portrait hole, all bundled up with three hats on, an old Gryffindor scarf and a wide grin on his face. He turned and watched her, eyebrow cocked with a question

"Lily?" He said

"James." Lily returned, suddenly realising why she'd woken so early – James must have woken before her and seen the snow, then been so excited that Lily felt it through the link even though she was asleep

"Lily." James repeated, mischief sparkling in his eyes as he took her arm and guided her, with her many layers and fair-isle hat on top of her wild red hair, out through the portrait

"James." Lily copied, a grin curling at her lips with their foolishness

"Lily."

"James."

"Lily."

"James."

"Lily."

"James."

"James."

"Lily." Lily said, before stopping suddenly and looking confused "Wait, wasn't I saying James?"

James grinned widely and pulled her out through the newly-unlocked (if Filch, who was lurking nearby was anything to go by) door and onto the white blanket of snow

"That you were, Lily dear."

Lily nodded as if she agreed and lagged a little behind James, pretending to be taking in the scenery. Of course, his mischief had added to her own high spirits, and she was in the mood for throwing a snowball at an unsuspecting James. The only thing she had to do was control herself so James didn't get a hint of it through the link.

Clasped in her mitten-ed hands sat the innocuous orb of snow. Really, Lily thought, it was so much more beautiful than the glass ones used for Divination. Her moment of pause made James turn around and eye her curiously. Damn it, Lily though. There went her chance at getting him unawares.

"Lily?" James said

Lily, mind made up, walked closer and closer to him, keeping eye contact in the hopes he wouldn't look down and notice what was in her hand. Soon enough she was toe-to-toe with him, looking up at his sparkling hazel eyes with a partly-hidden grin on her face. Oh he so wasn't expecting this.

"Lily?" James croaked again

"James." Lily returned, lifting the snowball and pressing it forcefully into his face and then running, laughing as she went, full pelt for Hagrid's hut.

"Lily!" James yelped, clawing at his face in shock. Peals of laughed tumbled out of Lily's mouth as she crouched behind a crate of... well, she wasn't sure she wanted to know what it was. After all, it belonged to Hagrid.

She glanced over her shoulder, taking in the grounds in the early morning's warm glow. The Whomping Willow was swaying lightly, having already shaken the snow off its branches. The Black Lake was frozen partly, only a sliver in the middle still liquid. Lily liked to think she could see the Squid waving a tentacle out through the hole every now and again, but then again it might have been her imagination. The tops of the trees in the Forbidden forest were coated with white, as if someone had made a tree-sandwich. The world felt muted and peaceful, as always when it snowed. Petunia didn't like the snow; it was cold and wet. No, Petunia was of the same mindset as her father – winter was the gift of the devil, and should be avoided at all costs. Unusually, Lily's mother agreed with Lily. The beautiful, blonde woman would forgo her heels and dresses, instead donning waterproof trousers and numerous woolly jumpers, joining Lily with their jolly red sledge and wiz down the hill at the back of the village hall until they were both panting with exhaustion.

_WHUMP!_

"Merlin, James! It's cold!" Lily shrieked, shaking her wet hair like a dog, dislodging the snow "Oh I'm so going to get you for that!"

Almost an hour later the remaining three Marauders bounded eagerly out into the snow. Lily saw their upside-down forms making their way through the sky of snow as she lay on her back next to James in her indentation of a snow angel.

"Huh." Sirius said, looking down at the two of them "Huh."

Lily smiled up at him, feeling warm despite the day's low temperature "Huh yourself, Black."

And much though Sirius tried to prevent it, a small smile tugged at his lips. Then, as though to make sure no one thought he was going soft, he scooped a huge handful of snow up and poured it on top of her. With a shriek she jumped up, grabbing James as she did so

"Run for cover!" She yelped at him, running for the huge wooden doors of the entrance hall

James howled with laughter as the two of them stumbled and ran their way up the snow-covered path. Eventually Lily ground to a halt, panting for breath. She gazed up at him, cheeks flushed from the cold and hair soaked, shivering lightly. Their breath came as clouds in the morning air and both their eyes shone.

"I always imagined my first kiss at a moment like this." Lily's mouth seemed to say before she had control. Then she blushed a furious shade of magenta and twiddled a strand of hair sheepishly "Ohmygosh I didn't just say that, did I? I did, didn't I? Oh Merlin... just ignore me, alright?"

James laughed, and Lily relaxed a little when she realised he would be feeling her overflowing embarrassment for the situation. At least if he knew how embarrassed she was he wouldn't push it. And, true to her prediction, he just smiled lightly and shook his head

"Maybe one day you'll get your wish." He said, if a little awkwardly before changing the subject "Now... maybe some breakfast? And, I know I never thought I'd say this, but we really ought to do some school work. We'll get really behind otherwise, and then we won't be able to teach dance class."

Lily nodded at his sensible suggestion, and the two made their way to the great hall leaving a trail of melting snow behind them, laughter from those still outside ringing in their ears. Lily had her usual muffin and mug of tea; James a fat sausage and egg sandwich. Frank raised an eyebrow at her soaked appearance, which she returned with a cheeky grin. Merlin, she felt on top of the world today.

Finally they settled in the study area and pulled out their respective work. Lily scowled irritably at the questions on her DADA work. 'If there is a whole section of magic that the ministry classes as Dark, is there (or should there be) a whole section on Light magic, if such a thing exists?'. Well, Lily thought, she hadn't got a clue.

She supposed the Patronus charm was Light magic... but she couldn't think of anything else. Did that mean that all other magic was Dark? Or did it just prove that magic was, in fact, Grey? Certainly there were many ways to kill someone with a seemingly innocuous spell. Take the colour-changing charms for example. All one needed to do was change the colour of a level-crossing light at the right time, and you could kill tens, maybe even hundreds of muggles in one go. A heating charm like the one used to make hot drinks could be used to heat just about any liquid, and the human body certainly contains numerous liquids. An enlargement charm would kill if used to enlarge the brain until it burst out of the skull, a shrinking charm could do similar if used on, perhaps, and the heart until it was too small to perform its function.

Lily shuddered at her startlingly dark thoughts. Did that mean everyone had both Light and Dark in them – in other words, everyone was a slightly different shade of Grey, or did it mean she was going Dark herself?

"James... do you think I'm Dark?"

"What?" James asked, looking up from his Transfiguration essay "Of course not. What on earth made you think that?"

Lily shrugged "My DADA essay actually."

James rolled his eyes "The guy's such a deep thinker. We've not actually done anything this year other than have philosophical debates, which aren't exactly going to help us against You-Know-Who."

Lily went to defend her professor, but fell silent again when she realised James's point had merit. She nodded instead and returned her attention to the question in hand, yet her mind still wandered. The fact that the war was encroaching on her life faster and faster so she felt as if Hogwart's was the only white stain on a dark sheet. Like being stood on a remote desert island surrounded by the harsh, cold ocean. While Lily knew she excelled at written work, she was no match against a Death Eater. She wouldn't even be able to defend herself long enough to get away if the need arose, and that terrified her. She'd always relied on the fact that whatever teacher she had would teach her enough for her to live a full and happy life, but now she was beginning to question if that was true anymore.

Maybe... no, she'd always wanted to be a healer, she shouldn't change that, not now when it was actually within her grasp. But, damn it, she didn't want to die young! She wanted to go to Cambridge and she wanted to get married and have kids (after she was thirty, obviously) and then she would steadily climb the ladder at St Mungo's until she was head of a department (preferably Paediatrics) by the time she retired. Then she wanted to move somewhere warm (Italy, perhaps) and live in a beach house, and apparate back to England every now and again to see her grandchildren.

But, if she became an Auror... then she'd be trained to fight. Then she'd be able to actively stop this war. Then she'd be safer, in a perverse sort of way, because even though she'd be fighting, she'd also be able to defend herself.

"James, do you think I'd make a good Auror?"

James sighed and looked up from his work "I don't know, Lily. I want to be an Auror myself, but both my parents are against it. They don't want me hurt, you see. But... I mean, you've seen, first hand, the harsh realities of, well, war... maybe you're actually better prepared for it than I will be."

Lily nodded thoughtfully, twiddling her hair a little. James did have a point. But before she had the chance to ponder it further, the bell rang and they both had to rush to be there in time for the sixth year Slytherin dance class.

"Settle down!" Lily called, more confident than her first classes "Quiet!"

"Right, we're starting with a demonstration, and then we'll see how good you are without being taught. Then we'll try to improve what we have." James informed the bored-looking students

Lily huffed a little, irritated that anyone would find dancing boring, and yanked her hair up in a bun. James set the Wireless playing and took her hand gently, pulling her into a soft pose to start from. Her eyebrows rose in pleased surprise that he had taken the initiative without her help. The tune was a less well known melody, lilting and Irish at its roots. In Lily's mind the dark floors gave way to huge rolling hills, valleys and cliff-tops, the white-washed walls to forests of oaks, heath land and stone circles. And the only thing she noticed in it all was James's concentration, tongue caught between his teeth and eyebrows furrowed.

Lily's face, in contrast, was a wide grin born of the fact that she was barely guiding James at all. Sure, she gave the occasional nudge in the right direction, but he was actually leading! She'd never danced like this before, surrendering control to someone else, but she liked it. It made her feel safe yet free, open and closed at the same time. Invigorating by its own accord but much more relaxing. And he was twirling her and they were gliding and flying and falling, the rhythm of their footfalls and the music melting together.

The applause from the watching students drew Lily back to earth. Standing with her back to James's chest, his arms snugly around her as they naturally fell from their dancing positions, she began to explain the simplest waltz to the now much more attentive students.

Tired yet content, Lily and James lounged by the fire in their common room, James playing chess against his chess set, Lily browsing Madam Malkin's catalogue. Her eyes were drawn to a rich kingfisher blue dress with a square neck line and ruched sleeves. The bodice was laced with a delicate cream, and Lily loved it. It fit the regency era bill, plus Lily knew she looked good in that colour. She bit her lip in excitement as she drew her pen and circled it. A tiny rush of magic drained from her into the parchment, and then a scrap of material appeared in her lap.

James glanced up and raised an eyebrow at Lily "Found a dress you like, then?"

Lily grinned and nodded, running a light finger over the material before handing it carefully to James "You like it?"

James took it and feigned interest "Yeah, it'll look good with your hair."

"Really?" Lily asked, almost curious

James laughed loudly "Nah, Lily dear, you know I have absolutely no idea about that kinda stuff."

Lily smiled ruefully at him "Yeah, silly me."

James shook his head lightly as he tossed the material back to Lily "So, that's a great dress for the Yule Ball, but what about the Potter ball? Can't have you wearing a dress twice, can we?"

Lily's mouth popped open "Only wear it once? Are you mad? That's classed as a 'whopping great big waste'!"

James moved a pawn lethargically forward before shrugging when it got smashed to smithereens by the opposing rook. "Lils, that's the cultural difference, see. A pureblood would be horrified at the mere thought of wearing a dress twice, whereas you would consider it a waste not to."

Lily glared at him "I hope you're not making a jab at muggleborns, Potter."

James looked genuinely surprised "No, of course not. I mean, I won't lie – both my parents are very strictly purebloods. My mum, for instance, was a Black before she was a Potter. Hell, they're trying to force me into an arranged marriage! But, I mean really, of course I'm not against muggleborns. I, er, I think you're brilliant."

"Oh." Lily said, a faint blush gracing her cheeks "Well, sorry about that then."

James waved it off "So, keep looking for another dress. Try and find a pale one, maybe a cream or a white one."

Lily's eyes narrowed "Why?"

"Er... tradition? I think you'll look good in those colours? It'll do with the snow?" James offered "Okay, because I know Apolline will be wearing a white dress, and I think it will help if my parents see you both wearing similar dresses."

Lily scowled "I still can't believe you got me to agree with this. But, well, in for a Knut, in for a galleon, right?"

"Right." James agreed looking relieved as he turned back to his chess game. He seemed to be losing it despite the fact that he was, essentially, playing himself. Lily wondered how on earth that was even possible. With a smile Lily grabbed another catalogue and began browsing. The time of year, though, was wrong for pale dresses – they were all darker, more wintery colours. Perhaps that was what had drawn Lily's eyes to the kingfisher blue dress – it's colour had made it stand out.

With an irritable huff, Lily grabbed the only one with white dresses on the front of it – Nancy's Nuptial Necessities. She really didn't like the idea of buying a wedding dress when it wasn't her wedding. It felt wrong, and she was loathed to do it. Besides, nothing took her eye anyway. With a quiet growl, she tossed the shiny, colourful parchment aside.

"There's not a single white dress that I like." She announced, stalking into the kitchen area and making herself a mug of tea "You want a cup, James?" She called, only to jump when his hand fell softly on her shoulder

"Please. White, one sugar." He replied "You know, if you really can't find anything, we can just have a dress custom made."

Lily passed James his tea and slipped her hands around her own mug "Do I look like I'm made of money? Really, James, not everyone has a Top Priority vault at Gringott's, you know."

James shuffled uncomfortably "Well, seeing as it's sort of my fault you need a second dress anyway, I'll happily pay for it."

"I couldn't let you do that!" Lily protested, leaning against the side-board and looking up at him

James stared at her blankly for a good minute or two. Lily was beginning to think he was seriously ill, when he suddenly jerked backwards, flushed a furious shade of red and turned around under the pretence of adding more milk to his tea.

"James?"

"Lily." James returned, still facing away from her

"James." Lily said, a little exasperated

"Lily." He continued

"Stop it, James. What's the matter?" Lily asked, getting irritated "Why did you just drift off like that?"

James's jaw tightened and his hand shot through his hair "Er, I was just, erm, I was... I was, ah, er, thinking y-you see... yeah, thinking."

"Thinking." Lily deadpanned "Really."

"Yep." James continued, more confident "Thinking."

Lily shook her head, laughing quietly "Well alright then. You're clearly not going to tell me. Anyway, it's late. I'm off to bed; see you in the morning."

Lily drained the remaining dregs of tea, leaving just the leaves in the bottom, to form curious patterns Lily couldn't care less about. Perhaps if she had bothered, she would have been surprised. Instead she cleaned it with a charm and set it back on the mug tree, before smiling lightly at James and retiring to her room. Had the night not been so quiet, she might have missed the heavy sigh James gave as he gathered his chess pieces, left his mug of now too-milky tea on the table and exited through the portrait hole, Marauder's Map and his invisibility Cloak securely in his hand.

* * *

_I'm a little worried that I seem to write a good majority of speech, and perhaps not enough of everything else. Am I paranoid, or am I finally picking up something that I should make better? I'm awful at proof-reading my own work, and while my best friend usually beta-reads for me, there just hasn't been time, what with Christmas getting in the way. Bloody Christmas. Bringing all that joy and light and hope. How very dare it. Er... moving onwards... _

_Anyone who guessed that James's fiancé is actually Fleur's mum, you were right. There was only one of you. The rest of you should be ashamed of yourselves! We'll try another one... can anyone guess what Sirius's bright idea is?_

Christmas, being the season for goodwill, would be an excellent time to _**leave a review**_. Even if you wouldn't usually bother. Go on. Make my Christmas. _**Please**_.


	5. Half empty and Full of Lies

_Sorry for the wait! The bit in italics about charms - 'extract' from Lily's charm's essay - is taken directly from Harry Potter Wiki. I don't own it, just like I don't the rest of the characters, Hogwart's, magic in general or anything that you recognize. It's all the wonderful JK Rowling's!_

* * *

_I realize that nothing's as it seems_  
_I dream of rain_  
_I dream of gardens in the desert sand_  
_I wake in pain_

_Sting, Desert Rose_

* * *

Lily stirred her tea absently, mind still on that pesky Charms essay. She was worried she'd made a mistake by saying she could still do the work without going to the lessons, so she'd have time to teach dance. After all, her grades were much more important than dancing! Dancing wasn't going to affect the rest of her life now, was it? But her grades would. How would she ever get anywhere in life if she got bad NEWTs?

With a glare at the spoon, as though it was the cause of all her problems, Lily brought the mug to her lips and took a huge, noisy slurp. Then she laughed at her childishness, worries momentarily forgotten, and decided she really should do more on her Charms essay. After all, she had to Floo to London to be measured for her dresses today. She'd already cleared it with Professor McGonagall, and she'd warned James so he knew where she'd be. He'd probably forget, though. Maybe she'd leave him a note, like the ones he left for her.

With a huff, Lily returned her attentions to the charms essay.

Really, though, she wanted to have it done before she went to be measured. After all, she wasn't sure how long it would take to be measured... she needed two dresses, not just one, and since James had insisted... well, she'd be having one custom made. Exactly as she wanted it. Something not even her mother had done for her before. Although, such things were more common in the Wizarding World than the muggle one, seeing as it was easier to do just about everything with a wand.

She wondered what her mother would have said about this.

"_Oh, Lily! Such a good catch, darling! Fancy – buying you a custom made dress, to go to a ball when you're not even his date! He must like you a lot, Flower. Now, remember what I've told you about young men these days. They all want to try before they buy. Don't you go doing anything until you have a huge expensive rock on your finger, you hear me young lady? I won't have you being used and then thrown away. You're far too special for that, Lily. If you need any tips, you know you can always ask me... although Petunia's quite the accomplished flirt these days too."_

A slight giggle escaped her lips. Her father, on the other hand, wouldn't have been so... well, so like her mother.

"_Wow, a ball, Lils? Haven't you already got a ball to go to; that one you've been organizing? Getting a bit greedy in your old age, hmm? Aw, I'm only messing with you, Lils. Hold on... did you just say a boy is buying you a dress? Why would he need to do that? Have I not given you enough money?... sunshine, if you're short of money you know you can just ask me... what do you mean he's doing it to be nice? Well I... well... what can I say to that?"_

Then he would have probably laughed that rumbling laugh, making his eyes sparkle and showing his slightly uneven teeth. He'd have grabbed her around the waist and pulled her into his lap where he sat on his leather office chair; desk in front of him layered with confusing equations and scribbled ideas. He'd have winked at her and whispered, as if Petunia might have been able to hear.

"_Of course, Petunia's boys don't buy her dresses, do they? One up on your sister there, I'd say Lils. Good going. Soon we'll have them back under control and in their box!"_

And Lily would have laughed hysterically, even though it wouldn't have been that funny, simply because her father would have been there, smelling faintly of the Financial Times and perhaps a cigar he'd have snook when her mother wasn't watching. He'd have been there, with a few streaks of grey at his temples, the only indication his hair wasn't Lily's hair. He'd have been there with his shiny black shoes and absentminded humour. He'd have been there, fighting against the suffocating normality of her mother and sister.

But he wasn't there, was he? Not anymore.

Lily yanked angrily at her hair, twiddling it more brutally than usual. At least that way she'd have an excuse for the tears in her eyes. With a snarl that could have been taken as a broken sob, Lily returned her attentions once again to her Charms essay. She'd finish the damned thing if it killed her.

_A__charm__is a type of enchantment that causes an object to behave in a way that is not otherwise normal for that object. A "charm" is a rather arbitrary designation for spells that are not classified as__Transfiguration__(spells that change the inherent nature of an object). For example, the__Colour Change Charm__ causes something to flash different colours; the Levitation or__Hover Charm__causes an object to levitate; the Cheering Charm improves upon a creature's mood. An object that has a lasting charm placed on it is called__bewitched__._

Lily scowled at the clock. Really, was it going slow to irritate her or was that actually the time?

Her mother had a beautiful, ornate clock that had been one of her favourite things in the house. It had lived on the mantle-piece in the dining room, pride of place for everyone to gaze at and compliment. They'd bought it in France one time on holiday, paid an extortionate price for it and brought it home wrapped in her father's woolly socks. What he'd wanted woolly socks in Southern France for, Lily would never know. It was gold and blue, in a sort of box with a domed lid, a little gold cherub posed on the top.

_A Charm might cause something to flash different colours. It might cause an object to levitate or even fly through the air. Charms can make a person laugh or dance or even create a bubble of breathable air around a person's head. In all of these cases, the object or the person doesn't really change, they just do something unexpected._

One time, Petunia had knocked the clock over. She'd blamed it on Lily, but no one had believed Petunia. After all, Lily had been at school in Scotland at the time. Petunia had said Lily had done it by magic, to spite their mother. Except Lily had no motive and no way of achieving such a thing. In the end, Lily's father had sent it by owl post to Hogwart's, and Lily had spent an entire term in her fifth year fixing it, before taking it home with her on the train.

That had been the turning point, Lily mused, with her relationship with Petunia. After that incident, Lily had become the brilliant one, the wonderful, clever one. The One Who Had Fixed The Clock. As if she'd somehow done the impossible.

_Some Charms can be extremely powerful. The Fidelius Charm, for example, can completely hide a person or a place in such a way that no one can find them unless they are given the location by a Secret Keeper. Memory Charms can be so strong that they completely remove a person's memory or even damage his or her mind permanently._

"You're late!" The clock chimed, making Lily jump and sending ink splats all across her essay. Growling, Lily slammed the quill down and grabbed her outer robes, shoving her shoes on as she went. As a last minute thought, she picked the quill back up and grabbed a shred of parchment

_Hey,_

_I've gone to be measured for my dresses. I'll be back for our lesson with the Seventh years – wouldn't want to miss something that promises to be so amusing. Watching our classmates blunder around the room as they try (and fail) to dance..._

_Sorry about that little Slytherin moment there_

_Anyway, see you later_

_Lily_

Frowning at the lack of wit contained in her note, seeing how pointlessly humorous James's usually were, Lily set it down next to her half drunk, and now cold mug of tea. Then she grabbed a pinch of Floo powder, thanked her lucky stars that the Head's were allowed the freedom of their own Floo connection, and called out

"Madam Malkin's!"

Lily stepped daintily out into the empty shop, glanced around until her eyes fell on the young woman at the counter

"Oh, hi! You must be Lily Evans?" The girl asked "I'm Ethel Malkin. You're booked in for a measurement for the kingfisher blue dress, and a design session?"

Lily nodded, biting her lip a little in excitement.

"Alrighty then, hop up here..." Ethel said, pointing to the stand. Once Lily was in position, Ethel flicked her wrist, sending a tape measure flying off the desk in the corner to measure her while Ethel hurried into the back, returning with various swathes of kingfisher blue fabric floating behind her

"Hmm." Ethel said, as though feeling the need to fill the silence "Alright, that's your measurements done. I think... Yes, hold still a moment..."

Lily yelped as, for a mere second, cold wind blew on her bare skin

"Oh I'm so sorry!" Ethel cried, blushing bright red as her spell went wrong. Fortunately, Ethel got it right the second time and Lily was dressed in blue satin.

Ethel frowned a little "Hmm... that neckline is wrong. Here, try this one on..."

Lily tensed as Ethel waved her wand again, but this time the spell worked fine and Lily was dressed in a slightly different variation of the blue dress, this one with a square neckline

"Much better." Ethel said, sounding proud of herself "Here, have a look at yourself."

Lily turned and looked in the large mirror. The girl who looked back looked like a princess from days gone by when knights in shining armour would have been there to fight the darkness away. It was exactly what she wanted – feminine and pretty and yet striking and bold.

"Perfect." Lily breathed with a smile "I'll take it."

"Oh good." Ethel said "Because designing a dress usually takes ages, so at least if you're happy with that one then we're half way there."

And take ages it did. Lily had never seen so many fabrics, so many different colours... really, how many different shades of cream were there? And yet, some of them made her look red in the face, some made her look pasty and insipid, while a select few made her glow like a porcelain doll. Not the look Lily usually went for, but as James had said, his parents were traditional. They liked a girl to look, well, girly.

Then there was the length, then the cut, then the back, then the neckline, the sleeves, the underskirts, the bodice and then the waist... then any adornments, decorations, patterns, did she want flowers, did she want swirls, did she want a ribbon or maybe a bow or perhaps even a heart.

Well, Lily didn't know the answer to any of these questions.

Almost three hours later, Lily stood once more in front of the mirror, mouth hanging inelegantly open. If this dress didn't blow James's parent's socks off, then they probably weren't wearing any.

"I... um... wow." Lily stuttered out inelegantly "Wow. Really, really wow."

Ethel grinned widely "Oh, do you think so? I... well, I've never done a self design one before for someone so unsure of what they wanted. Usually, when people come in wanting a dress designed, they already have a very firm idea of what they're after in their minds. Makes my job a lot easier in the designing phase, but then when I have to stand next to them when they look in the mirror... looking like an explosion in a flower factory or something... that's the difficult bit."

Lily grinned "Well I think you've done a brilliant job... oh Merlin is that the time? I've got to go! How much?"

Ethel bit her lip for a moment, eyes sweeping critically over Lily "You know, I really do like that dress. Say, if I could use that design in one of our ranges I could give you that dress at cost-only price."

"Really?" Lily asked with a grin "That'd be brilliant if you could. I'm happy for you to use it, after all you did most of the work!"

Ethel packed Lily's two new dresses, and Lily paid the price for her blue dress with her own money, and then parted with much-less-than-expected for her cream dress from James's money. At least she felt a little less guilty about that now she concluded as she Flooed back to Hogwart's.

"Hey Lily." James greeted, taking her parcels and tossing them onto the coffee table "Quick, get changed – we've got three minutes until our dance class starts."

It took Lily six minutes to change, meaning the two Heads had to run through the halls and arrived at the dance studio red-faced and panting. Their classmates were all milling around, and Lily and James's appearances caused quite a few raised eyebrows and snickers.

"Good day, Prongsie?" Sirius crowed, disentangling himself from a pretty Hufflepuff "Thought you didn't like him, Evans?"

Lily scowled. That was an awkward question if ever she'd seen one. After all, she did like James. He was her only friend, and that was a weird thought. But she didn't _like_, like him. Right? Wait, why was she even questioning it? She was probably just tired and stressed. And her mind was still... on her charms essay. Yes. Of course. Never mind the fact that she'd completely forgotten about it.

"Lils?" James muttered, nudging her "You've drifted off into Lily Land again."

Lily grinned sheepishly at him "Had a long day. Let's do our demo, and then we'll see how badly our classmates dance."

James nodded and shrugged his outer robes off, chucking them lazily onto the stage as Lily hurried over to the Wireless to choose a song

"Alright, shut up!" James called "If you lot would all sit at the edge... no you idiot, Sirius, that's the middle... okay, good. Now then, Lily and I will give you lot a quick demonstration and then you'll all be having a go. If you want to be thinking about whom you're going to ask to be your partner while Lily and I dance, then you'll save us a lot of time later on."

Lily stood patiently in the middle of the room, hair in a ponytail, feet in her trainers and wearing her shorts and tank top. She had to admire the way James could command the respect from their classmates. The way all of them did as he said and listened to him was really quite impressive, and something Lily most defiantly envied. Gently, she mentally reached out and gave James a bit of a prod through the link, telling him she was ready.

"Which song?" James asked, turning away from the class to look at Lily

Lily smiled sheepishly "The Irish one. I know we've done it four times before already, but I really like it."

James shook his head, a crooked grin sneaking over his face as he settled into their starting pose, and Lily set the music playing with a flick of her wrist.

As they span and twirled and danced and danced and danced, Lily couldn't help but feel a little melancholy. After all, the first time she'd danced with him to this, he'd relied on her almost completely to get all their moves right. Now though, their link sat in relative silence, Lily only helping him with the most difficult steps. It was like she was his stabilizers that he no longer needed on his bike. Like training a dog to walk to heel on a lead, and then knowing the dog would heel without the lead yet not wanting to remove the lead itself.

She should have known James would pick up on it. After all, the link was as open as it would go for their dancing. The only indication she had that he was going to do something about it was his lips twitching at the edge and his hazel eyes sparkling with mischief.

Then their dance, so well practiced in Lily's whimsical, gentle, floating style was overtaken by a much harsher, more powerful style that suited James so much more than Lily's dainty dances did. Lily's green eyes widened and her stomach gave a flip as her leading role was taken from her, forcing her to either be left behind or follow James. And Lily hated being left behind, so she didn't have much choice.

It was thrilling, Lily discovered, to be completely following someone else. To have no idea where you would be dancing next or what move you'd be doing to get there. On more than one occasion, Lily's eyes would widen and her stomach would whirl as James pulled her into a move she hadn't anticipated. He seemed very certain that he wouldn't be warning her through their link. The only thing Lily was getting from James via that was an overwhelming sense of mischievous glee.

As the song began to wind down for the end, James didn't seem to mourn its end as Lily would have done. Their dance didn't become haunting and sad, instead James slowed them to stay with the beat, but kept his style as it had been in the rest of the song. Lily wasn't sure she liked that – it conflicted with her disappointment that the song was almost over.

But that was the difference in their personalities, wasn't it? James saw things as three-quarters full and Lily saw things half empty. James would make things sound much better than they were, exaggerate and complicate things by being overzealous. Lily would be more sensible, but if push came to shove she'd always look on the bad side of things. It was, she knew, why she was having such difficulty getting over her parent's death.

Then, just when she wasn't expecting it the song ended, and she was shaken out of her thoughts by the sounds of enthusiastic clapping. Her eyes left James's to sweep over their classmates, blushing slightly at the amazed and awed faces.

"So, ready to have a go?" James asked them all with a huge grin

The lesson passed quickly, much faster than some of their earlier attempts, as Lily now knew how to teach people with no natural talent how to look alright when they danced. There were the odd people who surprised her – Remus had a very good sense of the music and its beat, and then there were those that came as no surprise – Frank couldn't dance to save his life. Perhaps, however, the time passed so fast because Lily was dreading the end of it. The end of it would be when she would dance with Sirius for the first time and it really, really needed to go well. In true Lily fashion, Lily had it set in her mind that the rest of James's life depended on it. In a way it did, but she should have known better that it didn't.

All too soon she was standing back in the middle of the room with her black-haired dance partner, but this time it was Sirius not James. It felt odd that she'd be dancing with Sirius when she could feel the other end of her link stood by the Wireless. Like living in one house all her life and then moving across the street, and getting lost on the journey home.

"Ready, Doll?" Sirius asked with a smirk

Lily grit her teeth

The music started, playing that waltz she'd first used with James to see how bad a dancer he was going to be. Sirius, on the other hand, had obviously already had formal dance lessons. Something he'd not admitted to, but for Lily it was clear to see anyway. He danced in a regimented, mechanical manner that held none of the flair and exuberant beauty she'd come to expect when dancing with James.

Lily supposed that for a normal girl, who'd never had any dance lessons, would have really enjoyed dancing with Sirius. He had a very 'I know what I'm doing so don't worry if you don't – I'll save you' sort of feel to him. It irritated Lily, stifling as it was for her, but one thought off that stuck up French girl who wanted a dress too big to fit down the aisle in a bloody Cathedral (for pity's sake!) had her pushing aside that annoyance.

"Bloody hell, woman! Stop trying to lead!" Sirius finally bit out

"Stop dancing like a puppet!"

"Puppet? Puppet? I'm a good dancer, thank you very much!"

"Yeah, you know where to put your feet, but are you even listening to the music?"

"Lily, Padfoot, give it a rest." James called "You're doing great; it looks good from here."

Both grumbling, Lily and Sirius once more lapsed into dancing in silence. Finally the song ended and Lily couldn't have been more grateful.

"That was terrible." She announced "Awful. We're going to have to dance a good hour or so a day to be anything like good for the Potter's ball."

Sirius set off laughing "Lily love, sweetheart, poppet, there is no way in hell you can make me dance an hour a day with you. With anyone, for that matter. Forget it."

Lily turned to James for support. He was running both hands through his hair in quick succession, making it stand up like a hedgehog.

"I, erm, well... you two were fine, you know. Lils you just have, ah, very high standards. Not that that's a bad thing, of course! But, well, we don't need you and Sirius to dance perfectly. Just well enough to look alright."

Lily scowled at him "James! 'Alright' isn't good enough!"

James shrugged with a little smile "Think how much better we'll look dancing together than you and Sirius will. It'll be an even bigger contrast, won't it?"

Lily's eyebrows raised a little, and Sirius snickered

"What?" Lily snapped "What's funny now?"

"Y-your e-eyebrows." Sirius chocked out through his laughter "We'll have to get them fixed before the ball, else I won't be able to keep a straight face."

Lily barely refrained from telling him that she would _make_ him keep a straight face, and that he'd regret it dearly if he didn't.

* * *

Lily stood in the living area, mug in one hand and twirling her hair with the other hand, gazing out over the snow-covered landscape. A smile came to her face as she remembered that morning spent playing in it with James, and then a blush warmed her cheeks as she recalled her little episode of verbal diarrhoea when she'd told him her little fantasy about her first kiss. He'd not mentioned it since, a fact Lily was eternally grateful for.

The school Yule Ball was close now, only four days away. The head's tower was full of all the decorations that would be put up, and it was irritating Lily's OCD tendencies. No matter how tidy everywhere else was, the place still looked messy thanks to the piles and piles of tinsel and wreaths and the mountain of mistletoe that would be hung up and enchanted to never leave the person it was hanging over until they were kissed. James assured her he knew a failsafe charm that would do the job nicely, but then denied knowing it at all when she asked him _why_ he knew such a thing.

She was so proud of her dance students. They'd all come so far in the short time they'd been having lessons. Most of all though, she was proud of the amazing difference in James's dancing. To think he'd had three left feet and probably four left hands the first time she'd danced with him, and now... well, she'd never danced with someone better.

And Lily didn't give praise like that easily.

A knock on the door startled her, and Lily set her mug down, disentangled her hair from her hands and tiptoed around all the decorations to the door

"Professor McGonagall! Please do come in, mind the decorations. I'm afraid there wasn't anywhere else to put them until the Ball. Here, have a seat. Tea, coffee?" Lily offered, leading the unexpected guest around the decorations and into the kitchen.

Professor McGonagall settled on the chair, resting her hands on the wooden table as Lily bustled around pouring them both a mug of tea and finding the pastries out of the cupboard that James had given her that day and she'd been unable to eat. She'd put a stasis charm on them instead, and they were coming in useful now. She'd have to thank him later.

"So, how can I help you, Professor? I'm afraid James is out playing quidditch with the boys..." Lily paused and tutted, glancing out at the freezing weather although a small smile curved her lips "Can't say I approve, but he does enjoy it."

McGonagall gave an amused smile that's significance was completely lost on Lily "That's quite alright, Lily. I was only looking for you, really. In fact, well, I just wanted to tell you how proud I am to have you in my house."

Lily's eyebrows rose, before she forced them down again lest McGonagall notice how badly plucked they were "I, well, thank you Professor, but really the pleasure is all mine."

McGonagall waved her off "Well, I just thought I ought to mention it. I know how hard you must be finding it, after... after the tragic death of your parents, and yet you are still here, setting an example to the students and filling this school with laughter. I am most impressed, I must say, with this dance competition. There have been a surprising number of entries with cross-house pairs, which is something not even Albus had expected, although I'm sure he hoped."

Lily grinned widely "Really? I've not seen the entries – James has been sorting them. That's brilliant news! I wonder why he didn't mention it to me. Actually he probably didn't notice."

McGonagall smiled into her tea

"Anyway, are you sure there is nothing you need, Professor? It doesn't seem like you to just hand out compliments like this." Lily said, before blushing lightly "I'm not trying to be rude, Professor, but..."

McGonagall accepted the apology, although had Lily knew she would have been in trouble for that on a different day

"Honestly, Miss Evans, I simply came here for no other reason other than the one I have already stated."

Lily wondered why she must use such convoluted phrases. Perhaps she was... no. This was McGonagall. She couldn't be embarrassed. "Oh, well then. Thank you, Professor. I wouldn't be the person I am today without your help."

Nothing more really needed to be said, and the two women sat drinking their tea and eating their pastries in relatively pleasant if a little awkward small talk about Lily's plans for the future, the upcoming election and what they wanted for Christmas.

After that, Lily decided perhaps she owed Professor Slughorn a visit as well. After all, just as she'd thanked Professor McGonagall, Professor Slughorn also deserved a bit of gratitude. And she could take him her and James's essays on the Elixir of Strength as well. She could even take him his Christmas present, because he usually spent Christmas away from the Castle what with his various parties hosted by the numerous rich and famous students he'd accumulated over the years.

Professor Slughorn was in a very jovial mood, complimenting Lily on her impressive dance competition and beautiful (or at least will be beautiful) ball. Finally Lily cut him off, a frown on her face and hand twiddling her hair a little.

"Professor... what do you know about arranged marriages?"

" And then he was telling me about his brilliant career in Pumpkin Growing... what did you say, Lily?"

Lily suppressed a grin as she shifted in her emerald green chair "Well, I just asked you about arranged marriages. Are they common in the wizarding world?"

Slughorn pulled his glasses down his nose to peer at his student "Why on earth would you want to know?"

"Erm..." Lily stuttered, blushing "Well, you see, well..."

Slughorn chuckled "Oh it's alright, Lily. I see that you don't want to tell me. Contrary to popular opinion I was once a young lad, courting all the pretty ladies!"

Lily stifled a snort

"Yes, I was quite the ladies man, you know! Still cut quite a dashing figure even now, though I do say so myself!"

A cough from Lily disguised her hysterical laughter

"Anyway, arranged marriage, hmm? Well, it's fairly normal practice. Most purebloods are encouraged to find a match, so to speak, in their own circles, but if one isn't found before the child is sixteen then the family will generally arrange a match for them. Often enough girls have no choice in this – they are more the item for sale than the purchaser. Perhaps not the way it should be, but tradition is tradition. It has been that way since the Founder's time. That's why Rowena Ravenclaw became friends with Helga Hufflepuff – Rowena ran away from an arranged marriage and stayed with Helga, a lowly maid."

Lily looked up in surprise. She'd never even wondered how the founders had become friends. They were such a constant that Lily had just naively assumed they'd always been friends, or something.

"So, then, running away from an arranged marriage isn't uncommon?"

Slughorn peered at her closely, before seemingly shaking off whatever worries he had "Well, yes and no. Often if one runs away from an arranged marriage it is hushed up by the family, that member removed carefully from memory, both living and documented. The ultimate punishment for a pureblood is, of course, being disowned. Running away from a marriage that the Head of Family will have undoubtedly spent hours arranging is the ultimate treachery, and therefore rewarded with the ultimate punishment."

Lily felt a little sick. So what she, Sirius and James were planning would result in him being disowned? Something that sounded like a very big deal for a pureblood? Was she doing the right thing, helping James do something that he'd regret later in life, when he wasn't a Potter anymore?

"T-thanks, Professor. You've been a huge help. I've erm, got to go and... send a letter to the band that's playing at the ball. You don't mind me cutting this short, do you?"

Slughorn shook his head, lips twitching as though restraining a smile "Of course not. Thank you for my Christmas present – if it's anything like that fish you gave me last year I'm certain I shall be very impressed. And say thank you to James for me; that essay of his looks almost as good as some of yours!"

Lily gave a gasp of mock outrage "Professor! Are you saying that my work isn't up to standard?"

Slughorn chuckled "Now, now Lily. Don't let that infamous temper get away with you."

With a laugh and a 'Merry Christmas' Lily left his office, walking calmly until she was around the corner before breaking into a dead sprint, heading for the quidditch pitch. Had she been able to see Professor Slughorn, sat in his office after she'd left, she would have been highly surprised.

"It was for the best." She would have heard him mutter "It was the right thing to do."

Then she would have seen him sigh deeply and struggle to his feet, chin wobbling forlornly as he made his way over to the fish Lily had charmed the year before. And Lily would have been amazed to watch as Slughorn frowned guiltily at it, as though expecting it to know he'd done something wrong, before taking a neat, letter-sized piece of parchment and a quill, dipping it into the ink before setting on the paper to write. Had Lily peered over his shoulder, perhaps she would have read what he was writing with increasing astonishment

_My dear friend Charlus,_

_I have done as you asked. I am not sure it was the right thing, but it is done anyway..._

By then, Lily's conscience would have caught up and urged her to turn away.

But Lily didn't see any of that. She was running to the quidditch pitch, past Hagrid's hut, past the Whomping Willow... when she stopped, panting for breath and wondering if she was doing the right thing. She stood there, surrounded by the snow-covered grounds and the faint yells and cheers from the quidditch practice, thinking about what she'd been told. She knew James, loathed though she might have been to admit such a thing only a few months ago, and she knew James wouldn't think of the consequences, even if she told him of them. If she marched up to him and told him she wouldn't help him because it would mean he would be cast out of his family he would laugh and ruffle his hair in that cocky manner of his.

"_You worry too much, Lils. It's fine. I don't want to be a Potter anyway if that means marrying someone I hate."_

That's what he'd say. And she couldn't let him throw his life away like that. Of course Lily didn't buy into all the pureblood propaganda – she was a muggleborn, but she wasn't stupid. She knew how much weight a pureblood name had in their culture. She couldn't let him throw that away. She wouldn't.

So, with a heavy heart, Lily turned and trudged back up the path, nose red with the cold and eyes red with... hay-fever, perhaps.

* * *

_Love a review, if you had a moment to spare! _


	6. Something I Said

This might have a few errors in it!

* * *

_This is the way you left me, I'm not pretending_

_No hope, no love, no glory_

_No happy ending_

_Mika, Happy Ending_

* * *

"Lily?" James asked cautiously, leaning over the back of the armchair she was curled up on "I saw you running down past Hagrid's while I was at practice, and then you turned around and went back to the castle. Is everything alright?"

"Yes." Lily replied sharply "Everything's fine. Don't be so nosey."

James's weight left the back of her chair, and she relaxed for a moment, thinking he'd gone when he appeared, knelt down in front of her. From this angle her hair wouldn't cover her red eyes.

"What's the matter?" He asked eventually, gently trying to prod her through the link although Lily slammed it brutally shut "C'mon, Lils, we're friends, remember?"

Lily's face pulled into a grimace and she lifted her eyes to his, scrambling wildly for something to say that wasn't _'I won't be helping you with that French tart, even though you've spent loads of money on a dress for me and been nothing but nice to me even though we hated each other from the moment we met.' _

"I've just had a letter from my sister telling me not to bother sending her a Christmas present."

"Oh, Lily." James said softly, gathering her awkwardly into a hug though she still sat in the chair "You're a terrible liar."

Lily gave a watery chuckle, casting around for something to say. So James knew her too well to be fooled by her pitiful lies. Hardly surprising, seeing as even Frank Longbottom could see through her lies and he hardly knew her at all. "Alright. So she didn't actually tell me, but I know that's what she meant anyway, when she told me to stay at Hogwart's this Christmas. That was her way of saying 'leave me alone. Forever'. And I've not even had time to buy anyone any Christmas presents this year and... Oh Merlin this is so selfish, but each Christmas my parents would try to out-do each other in their present buying, so Tuney and I would always get loads of amazing presents..."

James winced sympathetically

"And, well, Tuney would always get me a new charm for my charm bracelet, but it got broken when the... when the... when _it_ happened. And then Mrs Next Door would bake me and Tuney a box of her special chocolate biscuits every year, but I won't be going home this year so she'll probably give them to Tuney but she'll eat them. And Mr Number Seven would buy me something small, like a new hair band or a chocolate Santa, and my stocking's still at home and there's no one to fill it this year..." Lily trailed off sadly. What had originally been a diversionary tactic had ended up upsetting her. Brilliant.

"How about... hold on a minute, have you handed our potions essays in?"

Lily nodded

"Alright, where was I? Oh yeah. How about you and I go to Diagon Alley in the morning, maybe Sirius, Remus and Peter might want to come too? You can buy your presents, us Marauders can buy any last minute presents as well, we can drop any that are going to people in London off, and we could finish by going ice skating?"

Lily blinked in outright surprise "Don't you, erm, want to know the real reason I was crying? Why are you being nice to me when I lied to you?"

James looked a little confused himself.

The next morning Lily slipped out of bed, took a hot shower and cried a bit, before calming herself and getting dressed for the day. If James had done as he'd said he would, then she would be going to Diagon Alley today. With that in mind she found herself her favourite dark blue skirt, fairisle jumper and a big grey trench coat with red buttons and her soft brown boots. The outfit was like a huge hug or a mug of soup on a freezing day.

With a deep breath Lily ventured out of the safety of her room, her father's voice ringing in the back of her mind – _'You'll be fine, Flower. You always think it will be worse than it is. You'll be fine, and if you're not I'm here to fix it.'_ The tower was empty, although the fire burned cheerfully in the hearth. On the sideboard in the kitchen was a mug of tea under a heating charm and a muffin with a note.

_Morning, _

_Got you a muffin – I seem to remember you telling me you liked them more than toast, which was the other choice. And some tea, my fellow tea-lover. McGonagall's gone visiting family, so I've asked Dumbledore if you, me, Sirius, Remus and Peter could go to Diagon today. He said we could go so long as we brought him a galleon's worth of lemon drops back from Coralline's Confectionary, which is just off Diagon on a smaller alley called Brawley Alley. You're probably familiar with it – it has about seven book shops on it. _

_Don't take that the wrong way! I'm not meaning you're obsessed, just that you're clever. _

_Anyway, so then I went to ask the boys if they wanted to come, and Sirius and Peter were both like 'yeah, yeah, what a brill idea!' but then Remus gave them The Look, and they both were like 'no, no, Diagon Alley? Us? No, we don't want to go to Diagon Alley'. So I dunno what Remus was on about with that, but either way looks like it's just gonna be me and you. Hope you don't mind. I don't mind. _

_Er, again, don't take that the wrong way. Not sure which way is the wrong way, so take it however you want. So long as you want to take it in a good way. _

_Well, I won't be long – I've just gone down to the quidditch pitch to find my broom. I left it there last night after practice cos I'd seen you crying so I ended up, erm, running after you. In the middle of practice. And I just sorta abandoned my broom. On the pitch. And Sirius didn't think to bring it back to the castle with him, idiot that he is. So yeah, won't be long._

_James_

Lily tried to stop the smile worming its way onto her face, but failed somewhat and ended up getting butter all over her face as she attempted to eat her muffin with a grin the size of her mother's shoe collection.

"Hey!" James called, the sound of him stumbling through the portrait and slamming it shut ringing through their tower "Ready to go?"

"Ah, give me a minute!" Lily returned, hastily swiping the butter off her face with the back of her hand and glugging her tea in one. "Kay, I'm good!"

The two of them stepped up to the Floo, Lily going first with a jolly "Leaky Cauldron!"

Lily was only slightly off balance from the trip and ,as usual, stepped out daintily into the pub. She turned around just in time for James to fall messily out of the fireplace and land on top of her with a disgruntled 'Umpfffh!'

"James!" Lily groaned "You're far too heavy to fall on top of me."

James blushed bright red and jumped off her, hand going to ruffle his hair, dislodging soot all over his face. Three old ladies sat in the corner drinking Gillywater and nibbling Fairy Cakes tittered amongst themselves, seemingly caught between outrage and amusement.

"Young people these days." Lily overheard one of them saying

"Come on." Lily huffed, grabbing James's sooty wrist and tugging him out of the pub. She pulled her wand to enter the alley, paused for a moment before tapping the bricks and cast a cleaning charm on him

"Thanks." He muttered sheepishly "Sorry about that. I'm a bit, erm, clumsy when it comes to flooing."

Lily just shook her head in exasperation. Surely, considering how good he now was at dancing, he would be able to stay upright in a floo? Mind you, her father had used a floo once, to get to the Ministry of Magic with her when she had to register as a muggleborns

"_I think I'm going to throw up, Lily." Her father had confided, completely ignoring the grandeur of the Ministry that he had just flooed into "Actually going to throw up."_

_Lily winced, ears going red as tall, imposing passers-by shook their heads and laughed to each other "Daddy, you'll be alright. Just... just take a few deep breaths."_

_But it was no use. The usually calm and collected red-haired man was bent double, retching into a nearby bin, face pasty white and slightly green around the edges. Lily gingerly rubbed his back, feeling awkward to be offering her father support when usually it was the other way around. _

Suddenly Lily's eyebrows rose as she recalled what had happened after that

"_Here." Said the man, dull blue eyes creased with laughter lines, messy greying hair perched atop his head "Scourgify. First time in the Floo, hmm?"_

"_Thank you." Lily had said courteously but quietly. After all, she didn't know this man "Yes, my father's a muggle."_

_The man had laughed a little "Yes, I'd worked that out."_

"_Oh." Lily had replied, blushing again "Well, erm, thank you sir, but we really must be going."_

_The man had nodded "Quite alright. You'll be wanting floor five, I'd guess. That's the temporary home of muggleborns relations while their new office is being built."_

_Lily smiled weakly and left, dragging her queasy father behind her_

"James, is your father going grey, with blue eyes?"

James turned to look at her, one eyebrow raised "Yeah, how'd you know?"

Lily shrugged "I think I met him when I went to register at the Ministry. He helped me when my dad threw up after being in the Floo."

The wall swung open then, revealing Diagon Alley in all its Christmas glory, shoppers bundled up in thick robes, carrying handfuls of bags. Children eating candy canes and marzipan fruits and roasted sweet chestnuts. Sound of a choir carolling somewhere in the distance, lights on all the shops and trees decorated with Fairy lights. Snow clung to rooftops and drifted behind benches in a way that it did not in the muggle world. Lily assumed they must charm it to stick in some way. However they did it, it certainly added to the idyllic mood.

Lily's face lit up with childish glee as she grabbed James's wrist and tugged him through into the crowds, green eyes alight with excitement. James followed in bemused silence as Lily dragged him into shop after shop after shop, buying the odd thing but mostly just zipping around the shop with a grin on her face before once again braving the cold in search of that elusive, perfect present. Lily was just so overwhelmed that she was going Christmas shopping; something she'd already written off as 'not going to happen' since her parent's death.

Shopping with James was nothing like shopping with her parents had been. James was perfectly willing (although maybe not happy) to just follow her around as she went from shop to shop, being picky as always. Shopping with her mother had been nothing like that, of course, because Mrs Evans only shopped in the most expensive shops, so Lily would spend hours sat in Harrods glaring glumly at the younger children playing in the children's department, wondering if she really was too old to join in.

"_Look at these!" Her mother told her, red nails tightening around a box of... something "Aren't they just brilliant!"_

"_Erm, what are they?" Lily asked, peering at the things her mother was so pleased with "And who on earth are you buying them for?"_

"_Mrs Next Door, of course." Her mother had replied, as if Lily was being stupid for not realising sooner "And they're macaroons. Very nice, from France."_

"_I... see." Lily replied, eyebrows curling up her forehead "They look, erm, brilliant."_

_Lily's mother had laughed "Oh Lily, you have no idea what they are, do you? I'm surprised you've never had them before actually. They're a little like meringue, I suppose, crispy on the outside and soft in the middle. Either way, they're certainly one better than the chocolate biscuits she'll give us!"_

_Ah, Lily realised, so it's nothing to do with how nice they are or how much Mrs Next Door will like them. No, they were being bought because they were 'one better than chocolate biscuits'. What a surprise. _

"_Tell you what, Lily, they serve them in the cafe here. Once we're done shopping, I'll buy you one so you know what you're missing!"_

Lily laughed quietly as she led James into a gardening shop, looking for something small for Frank

"What am I missing?" James asked, dragging his feet a little and setting down a few of the bags he'd been carrying

Lily grinned "Just thinking of when my mother used to take me Christmas shopping... hey, do you think we could go into muggle London? Just, you know, for a bit? Because then I could buy Petunia and Mrs Next Door and Mr Number Seven and Beth, my dance teacher, a present as well."

James nodded "Sure. I mean, I only asked for permission to go to Diagon but so long as no one finds out then I guess we could."

Lily turned to scowl at him "James! I thought you'd asked permission to go to London, not Diagon; so no, we can't just break someone's trust like that!"

"Relax!" James said with a crooked grin "We won't be breaking anyone's trust unless they find out. And they won't find out. C'mon, it'll be fun!"

Lily looked around guiltily, as though expecting Dumbledore to peer around the door and tell her off "James, I don't know..."

"We'll buy him two galleon's worth of lemon drops instead of just one..." James goaded "Go on... he won't mind..."

Lily bit her lip for a moment, before looking up again at James, who seemed to know instinctively that he'd won.

"Brilliant!" He said with a wide grin "I've never been to muggle London before!"

"Would you like a napkin?" The waiter asked politely, barely refraining a wince at the mess on the table.

Lily rubbed a hand over her forehead "Please." She said

Lily glanced around the little cafe they were sat in, perhaps just in case someone she knew walked in. It was a cute, quaint little place with dark wood and book shelves in the back, armchairs and low coffee tables instead of the more common plastic or wooden cafe tables. It sold expensive and excellent teas and coffees, and the odd good pastry as well to men in shiny black shoes who smoked cigars and read the Financial Times, like her father. In fact, this place was almost made for Mr Evans, and he had loved it. Because it had been his favourite place, it had been Lily's as well. She was now thinking she should have taken James to a playgroup somewhere and given him a cup of ribenna and a milk biscuit.

"James, stop it!" She hissed, making a grab for the straw that James was slurping his tea through "That's for cold drinks!"

"How do you know?" He asked curiously

"Because it's only thin plastic and it'll melt if you use it with hot drinks! Please, just try to behave yourself for once!"

"Melt? Ohh... that's why it tastes so funny!"

Lily slapped a hand to her face "James, _please_! You're really embarrassing me!"

James pasted a mildly confused expression "Why? Is this not normal for muggles?"

Lily would have believed him if it hadn't been for the mischief she could feel overflowing from their link. As it was she gave him a dirty scowl "Stop it, James, I know what you're doing."

James flashed her a grin "Aw give me a break, Lils. You've dragged me around the entirety of London today while I carried your bags like some kind of house elf."

"Shh!" Lily reprimanded, glancing around once more in case someone noticed James's reference to magic, but James only rolled his eyes

"It's fine. They won't notice." He assured her "Now then, I'll do you a deal. You tell me about your Christmas traditions, and I'll quit slurping my tea through this thin piece of melting plastic."

Lily bit her lip, setting her earl grey down so she had a hand free to twiddle her hair with "I don't really want to talk about it, James."

If Lily was expecting James to honour her statement, she was sorely disappointed. James just picked his straw up and his tea up and took a big breath, poised ready to slurp when Lily's eyes widened

"Alright! I'll talk!"

_For the first time since Lily was a baby, it had snowed overnight, and stuck at the Evans's, The Crescent. For the first time that Lily could remember, it would be a white Christmas. As always, Lily woke early on Christmas morning and scurried through to her sister's bedroom, jumping on the older girl's bed to wake her up_

"_Tuney! Merry Christmas!" Lily giggled, dragging her sleepy sister out of bed and tugging her to the windowsill "Look, it's snowing!"_

_Petunia rubbed her eyes and looked down at her seven year old sister "Lily, it's still dark. Go back to bed, or Father Christmas won't come."_

_Lily tugged at her sister's pyjama top but the effort was futile; Petunia stumbled across the dark bedroom, stubbed her toe on a toy she'd left out the night before and curled up under the pale green duvet, falling asleep again. _

_The young red haired girl tried to do the same as her sister, trundling back to her own room and curling up under her own bright orange duvet and willing sleep to come, but it just wouldn't. The room was too light from the streetlights reflecting on the snow outside, and the little red numbers of her alarm clock were moving far too slowly from 4:17 to 4:18, where they lingered and dawdled to 4:19, but Lily didn't bother to wait and see how long they took to get to 4:20. She was up and out of her bed again, padding along the dark corridor to her parent's bedroom. _

_The door gave an ominous creak, and Lily tensed thinking she'd have scared Father Christmas away. But there was no indication that this was the case, so she snook inside. Her father was a deep sleeper, and he didn't like the cold anyway. No, her best bet was waking her mother up. All it took was a gentle prod, and Mrs Evan's blinked her sleepy eyes open and peered at her daughter_

"_What are you doing here, Lily?" She whispered _

"_It's snowing, Mummy."_

"_Really?" Her mother asked, eyes sparkling with sudden excitement "Happy Christmas, sweetie!"_

"_Happy Christmas, mummy." Lily returned with a toothy smile "Can... can we go and play in the snow? Tuney said it would scare Father Christmas away."_

_Lily's mother gave her a secretive smile "I think, Lily, if we're really, really quiet, Father Christmas won't mind just this once. After all, you've been a good girl all year, haven't you?"_

_Lily nodded enthusiastically, and the pair dressed sloppily in the darkness of the house, hats and scarves and coats and wellies being shoved on over pyjamas, Lily's mother carrying her downstairs because she wasn't big enough to miss the squeaky steps, fumbling for the key, wincing as the porch light came on, and then running down the street as fast as she could, panting as her breath came in huge clouds and the fat, cold flakes clung to her hair like a cat curling around her legs. The sound of her mother's laughter, her true and happy laughter that was kept locked away the rest of the year, only to be brought out when it snowed. _

_Lily and her mother made snow angels, sledged down the hill in the park on a tin tray her mother had found in the garage, made snowmen and had snowball fights. By the time it was getting light two hours later, Lily was exhausted, cold and happy. _

"_Come on, sunshine, let's go home. We'll sneak in, take our coats and boots off and put them under the stairs where no one will know about them, tiptoe upstairs and get into bed again... and we'll not tell the other two. It'll be our little secret, how about that?" Her mother had proposed as she carried Lily back up the street_

"Of course, when we got back my dad was there with two hot chocolates ready for us, and Petunia was all but bouncing in her chair wanting to open her presents. Turned out Petunia hadn't been as able to go back to sleep as she'd made out, and had woken my dad up when she found out I was missing." Lily told James with a grin "That Christmas, they bought me my first pair of dance shoes. Before that, I'd just danced in bare feet."

James smiled "You're really good at telling stories, you know. It's like I can actually see it happening."

Lily shrugged a little "Maybe you're picking things up through, you know, the..."

"Oh." James said, eyes lighting up in realisation "Well, it's really brilliant to be able to actually see things as you did. Was... were there any other things you did at Christmas?"

Lily laughed a little at James's interest in her life, but glancing at the time had her shaking her head. Instead the pair paid the bill for their tea and pastries and left the cafe quickly thanks to the waiter glaring at James. They'd had all the muggle presents wrapped in the stores, and James proposed that the two apparate to Lily's friends and family handing them out. Lily, of course, wasn't all too keen on breaking any more rules, although again James managed to win her over with a promise of buying Dumbledore more lemon drops. The way things were going, Dumbledore would have tooth rot.

"Alright, hold tight." Lily told James with a grimace, concentrating harshly on her Aunt and Uncle's house. With a small pop the pair arrived in the living room, where Petunia was watching TV. She jumped up, shrieked, and ran from the room

"Some welcome." Lily said dryly "Well, let's go and see if anyone's... Don't touch that! Jeez, James, that's Aunt Poppy's favourite photograph!"

"But... it doesn't move! The people in it are dead!" James exclaimed, looking scandalised

Lily laughed "James, don't tell me you didn't know muggle photographs don't move. That takes your stupidity to a whole new level. Now please, just don't touch anything." Lily pleaded, before calling out "Aunt Poppy! Uncle Albert! Petunia!"

There was silence for a while, giving Lily the chance to look around for a moment. Aunt Poppy and Uncle Albert's house was a lot less modern and didn't smell lightly of cigars or that perfume her mother had loved. Aunt Poppy and Uncle Albert were childless, proven by the fact that they had a cream carpet and a pale suit whereas the Evan's house on the Crescent had deep red carpets and dark leather chairs, which cleaned easily and hid the odd stray stain from whatever the two Evans girls had been doing that particular day.

There had been a cream carpet, Lily remembered, in the living room. She and Petunia hadn't been allowed in there on a day-to-day basis, rather only on special occasions or when they had visitors. That way the damage was at least limited. The sudden flash of red had made it all the more traumatic, all the more vivid. All the more unexpected.

"Goodness, Lily, you gave Petunia a good fright just arriving unannounced like that! And... Oh, who is this, Lily?" Aunt Poppy asked, standing in the doorway and openly eyeing James who shifted uneasily. Good, Lily thought. Let him suffer. He was the one who was making her deliver her presents like this.

"Well?" Aunt Poppy prompted

"Erm, Aunt Poppy, this is my friend, James Potter. I just wanted to deliver Christmas presents..."

"Friend, hmm?" Aunt Poppy repeated, sceptical "I doubt it, young lady. Petunia's been telling me all about your exploits!"

Oh brilliant, Lily grumbled to herself. So now Aunt Poppy's sided with Petunia.

"Friend." Lily said firmly "Friend, friend, and only friend."

James shifted guiltily from foot to foot, and Aunt Poppy seemed to take this as all the confirmation needed as she gave a disbelieving 'hmm'.

"Ah, well, erm, merry Christmas! Hope you like it! And here's Uncle Albert's present, and here's Petunia's. Well, gotta dash! Still got lots of presents to deliver!" Lily rushed out, flinging a hasty grin in her Aunt's direction before grabbing James's arm and popping them away.

"Shit." James bit out, glancing down at his bleeding hand "Are you alright, Lily?"

Lily looked over at him and nodded, eyes widening when she saw James's hand. She should have known better than to apparate when she was distracted like that, damn it! What had she been thinking, getting him hurt like that? Stupid, stupid, stupid Lily!

"Oh Merlin are you alright? I'm so sorry!" Lily cried, hurriedly pulling her wand and casting the best healing charm she knew off before siphoning the blood off

"It's alright." James told her, rubbing the angry flesh tenderly "Just a little chunk of my hand, nothing major."

Lily pulled at her hair, face screwed up with apology and worry "Sorry." She repeated

James waved her off "Come on, is this... is this The Crescent?"

Lily turned away from James's hand slowly, letting out a gust of air as she did so. There, with that horrible, unfamiliar red sports car in the drive and some gaudy Christmas lights adorning the porch where her mother usually hung a sophisticated wreath of silver bells, was her home. Was the place she'd grown up. The door her mother had carried her out of that morning they played in the snow. The door Mrs Next Door brought Petunia back through when she went missing. The door Lily walked out of every day of her life until _they_ ripped it all away. The door behind which Lily had always felt safe until _it_ happened.

"Oh god I can't do this." Lily muttered, turning away once more "I can't. Will you... will you take me back, please?"

But James shook his head "No, Lily. You need to get through this. C'mon. I'm here; you'll be alright. Just remember, that house is nothing but bricks and mortar. The things you loved about it were the people who lived in it and the life you had there. Not the bricks themselves. Now then, Mrs Next Door's macaroons?"

Lily took a shaky breath and looked up at James. He held her gaze while she gathered herself, and then didn't comment when she took his hand, clinging to it as though it was a lifeline to a drowning man. She trembled as she knocked on Mrs Next Door's red door, the macaroons clutched tightly in her hand, wrapped in their jaunty red and gold paper.

"Lily? Goodness, sweetheart, it is you! Come in, merry Christmas!" Mrs Next Door greeted them "And who's this, Lily?"

"James Potter." Lily said shortly, paler than usual "I've brought you your Christmas present."

Mrs Next Door smiled kindly, ushering them into the kitchen of her house, layout the same as Lily's house had been yet so different. Lacking the photographs of Petunia's first day of school, lacking the odd dance shoe lying where Lily had left them. Lacking the odd book with a confusingly long title left with post-it notes on its pages where her father had marked it. Missing the gleaming, shining finish that only her mother's polishing could achieve.

"Tea, Lily, James?" Mrs Next Door offered, although Lily declined on behalf of her and James. Didn't want another embarrassing episode like the one in the cafe in London

"So, how is life now, Lily?" Mrs Next Door asked, looking a little too nosey to be simple kindness. It didn't bother Lily though, instead it almost made her smile, seeing such a familiar gesture

"Life's hard." Lily answered shortly and truthfully "But it's getting better."

James laughed then, cutting in "Lily's still doing brilliantly at school though; she's head girl. And she's teaching dancing, and organising a ball."

Lily glared at James. Didn't he realise that this woman only wanted gossip, and that now everyone in the neighbourhood would be talking about 'that poor Evans girl whose parents were killed by terrorists this summer, well, she didn't care much for them, did she? She's head girl at that school of hers, and she's still doing that frivolous dancing of her's... I heard she was teaching it, even! Imagine! Well, she turned up at Mrs Number Three's house with this strange boy, seemed quite cosy if you ask me...'

Had he led such a sheltered life that he didn't realise when people were being genuine or not?

"Well, I'm very glad you're doing alright, dear." Mrs Next Door said kindly, bustling around for a moment before finding what she'd been looking for; a familiar tin of biscuits.

"These are for you, dear, and Petunia to share. You always were so close." Mrs Next Door cooed, handing the biscuits over "Was she busy, today?"

"Nah, she was just watching TV when we went to drop of her present, wasn't she Lily?" James said

Lily tugged at a piece of hair in desperation. It was like someone had handed James a shovel and he was still digging even though he couldn't see anymore.

"Ahh, well, she's had a bit of a cold. She's been resting." Lily lied

"She seemed fine to me." James put in, cocking his head at Lily as if he was confused "Why would you say she was ill when she isn't?"

'_SHUT UP!' _Lily sent him through the link

Mrs Next Door laughed falsely, pushing the box into Lily's hand and leading them towards the door "Ah, well, maybe it was a passing thing. Give her my love!"

And with that they were unceremoniously led out of Number Three, the Crescent.

"Was it something I said?" James asked

Lily raised her eyes to the dark grey sky above, the promise of more snow to come lingering as a fat cat by a fire would.

"Yes, James. It was something you said."


	7. Parsley Louthy and Torn Up Paper

_Sorry for taking so long to update! I've had a mass influx of craziness into my life in the past few weeks... _

_Anyway, this is a long update to make up for it, although I have a feeling you'll all hate me by the end. Also, I'm useless at summaries. If anyone has a better idea for a summary for this, I'd be really, really grateful! Similarly, if anyone is bored and thinks they might want to beta for a really irritating, disorganised person (and trust me, I won't blame you for not wanting to) like me, then please let me know! _

* * *

_'We live in denial about what we do. We do this because we are afraid.'_

_Richard Bach_

* * *

Lily allowed herself a relaxed smile as she stood; face tilted upwards taking the full brunt of the shower's spray. The hot water cascaded over her face and down her neck, soothing her worries and calming her. The Head's Tower was finally free of the decorations, and spending all day putting them up was the cause of her aching shoulders. The prefect's, Lily's and James's hard work was starting to pay off, and the Great Hall looked beautiful. Rich swathes of cream satin hung over the walls, bows of lazy pastel colours drooped artfully over pillars and the floor shone a rich mahogany, polished and buffed in a way it wasn't usually, what with the hundreds of feet that walked through it each day.

James's mistletoe-charm had worked brilliantly, and the prefects had had much amusement while decorating trying to lure each other under it. Shrieks of laughter had echoed through the hall, decorating forgotten until Lily finally got them back under control. James had found it highly amusing and had just been egging them on.

The stage had been raised by Professor McGonagall, by transfiguring the flooring higher. The Weird Sisters, when told what the theme was, had asked for three armchairs, a chase, a grand piano and a harp. Lily wasn't exactly sure what they planned to do with the harp, seeing as she was certain none of them could play the harp... but who was she to ask? Petunia had wanted to play the harp for a while, but as her father had promised the fancy had passed, Petunia moving on to bigger and better things; boys and makeup.

Smaller tables, seating between two and six people, had been set up around the edge. None of the tables or chairs matched each other exactly, but they were all of the same style and Lily was pleased with the outcome. It projected a feeling of lethargic elegance, opulent even yet not quite pretentious. A gigantic, glittering chandelier floated eerily against what appeared to be the night's sky, although of course it was just the Great Hall's ceiling. Wide, lace-shaded lamps lit the darker corners as they cast shadows like falling leaves.

Lily thought it was perfect.

With a groan, Lily grabbed some shampoo and massaged it into her hair, thinking hard. She was going with James to the ball, of course, as they were heads together and were therefore expected to open the dance. Once the dance had been opened, then the first contestants of the dance competition would take the floor, while Lily, James, Dumbledore, McGonagall, Flitwick, Slughorn and Sprout would mark the dancers on their performances. The buffet would be served while the marks collaborated and then the winners would be announced. After that, the Weird Sisters would play their more usual style of music until the closing dance, when it would be back to the traditional style to close the ball.

Lily was terrified, strangely enough, about opening the ball with James. They'd been practicing to Lily's favourite song, the Irish one, for days now. Not that they needed the practice, particularly, but their performance would be polished and flowing. Lily was certain of it. However, James, damn him, had insisted that they incorporate his style with her's. Their routine was a strange sort of battle for dominance between the two of them, flitting from Lily's whimsical, mournful style to James's powerful, boisterous one. It was somewhat unorthodox, and Lily was worried people would be disappointed.

Rinsing her hair and then running a fat dollop of conditioner through it, Lily bit her lip. Her mind went over and over what Slughorn had told her – James would be shunned if she went through with his wild plan to try and replace Apolline with her, even if it was just short term while his parent's saw that he didn't want an arranged marriage.

"Lily?" James shouted through the door "Lily, the reporter's arrived... what do I do?"

Lily frowned; that was early "Er, invite him into the Tower, offer him some tea and a biscuit, make small talk and then tell him to set up in the Great Hall. Mention in passing that he's early and commend his time-keeping skills, and tell him the ball starts at half seven. Then, er, guide him down to the Great Hall and leave him there." She yelled back over the sound of the shower "I'll only be a minute."

She could just make out James's footsteps as he marched away, presumably to do as she had suggested. The thought of leaving some poor reporter to James's rude and often ridiculous humour had her hurrying to wash the conditioner out, turn the shower off and towel herself dry.

She flung some casual trousers on and grabbed a granddad shirt off the chair by her desk, buttoning it up hastily and towelling her hair quickly. A scowl in the mirror and Lily was heading out to meet the reporter.

"Anyway, Lily's set it all up. All the credit to... ah, here's the genius herself!" James said with a flourish, standing up to fetch her tea and handing it to her. She offered him a smile before blowing on it, taking the last remaining seat at the little breakfast table.

"Pleased to meet you Mr..." She began, eyeing the tall, willowy man. He had grey hair, a large round nose and strangely small ears

"Louthy. Parsley Louthy." He introduced himself. While James's face remained impressively impassive, Lily wasn't fooled; she could feel his amusement buzzing through their link.

"Lily Evans, Head Girl. Thank you so much for getting here promptly. Have you seen the Great Hall yet?"

Parsley shook his head, sending his hair flopping wildly "No, not as yet. James was just telling me what a brilliant job you had done of decorating it."

Lily blushed a little and tugged on a strand of wet hair. "Oh, well, James and the prefects played just as big a part."

"Nonsense!" James burst out "You know the ball would have been a mess if you'd not taken over running it."

Lily couldn't help but grin at the thought of James's original ball plan. "Well... yeah, you might have a point there."

Parsley cocked an eyebrow, creating a veritable sea of wrinkles on his forehead "There sounds like a story here...?"

'_Should we tell him about planning it? He was originally just here to photograph and write a small article on the ball for the Prophet...' _Lily sent James, blissfully unaware of Parsley's lightly disbelieving look as he watched the two heads in front of him blatantly converse without speaking.

James shrugged _'Don't see why not. He's not exactly evil-looking, is he? I can't see what's wrong with telling him.'_

"Alright." Lily allowed out loud "Well, James and I weren't friends, really, before we became head's. In fact, I think it's fair to say we hated each other, didn't we?"

James snickered "Yeah, and that's putting it nicely."

Parsley looked intrigued "Go on." He prompted

"Well, I was going through some trouble... and James pretty much took on the roll of doing both the head girl's and the head boy's responsibilities so I would have time to... sort things out. Eventually everything came to boil and we ended up yelling at each other. For the first time ever our argument actually helped us both get stuff off our chests, and it made me realise just how overworked James was." Lily started, trying to keep specific details from him

"My friends, Remus Lupin, Sirius Black and Peter Pettigrew had been helping me, but there's only so much time in the day. I'm Gryffindor quidditch captain, Head Boy and all round brilliant guy..."

Lily snorted "With an ego to prove it."

James grinned at her "Yeah, well, that's where you come in, isn't it?"

Lily laughed "I make it a personal goal to deflate his overgrown ego at least once a day, else we'd all have to walk single file in the corridors just so there would be room for his head."

Parsley laughed a little, shaking his head "So, tell me how this ball became what it is now."

"Well... I've always loved the idea of a Regency-styled ball. My... mother loved that kind of thing, and I guess I just picked up that from her. When James showed me his plans for the ball, it turned out that, well, he was just going to hope for the best. No entertainment had been organised, there was no theme planned and..."

"Ah, but I had sorted the music!" James burst in

Lily took a gulp of tea and nodded "Yeah. You had. Anyway, with a bit of a helping hand I got myself more or less back on my feet and took on a much bigger role in organizing the ball. I've danced since I was a young girl, and to save money, it was decided that James and I would teach dance class to the ball-aged students, and then there would be a dance competition judged by the head's of house, Professor Dumbledore, James and I. Hopefully our pupils will all have fun!"

Parsley nodded "Sounds like they will. So you and James ran a dance class... are you two going to be doing a demonstration this evening?"

"You'll have to wait and see." James said with a lopsided grin. Lily's stomach did a little jump, which she accredited to her nerves for their opening dance.

Soon enough, James had taken Parsley down to set up in the Great Hall and Lily had retreated to her room to get ready. Setting some music playing Lily sat at her vanity mirror in just her cream lacy underwear, twirling her hair through her fingers. What to do with the veritable river of red?

"_Why Lily, darling, you can't do your hair until you've decided what you're wearing." Mrs Evans told a thirteen-year-old Lily as she got ready for Beth's one-year anniversary of teaching at the dance studio party. _

_Lily had shrugged, frowning "Erm... why does that matter?"_

_Mrs Evans chuckled "Why Lily, don't you think hair is just as much a part of your outfit as your dress is? After all, if you've got a slim line, tight fitting dress then you might go for a straight, sleek hair do, or even go for messy curls to contrast it. Or, on the other hand, if you've got a poufy dress you might go with straight hair to balance it out, or curly hair to compliment it. If you've got an interesting neck line then you might go with an up-do to show it off, or if it's strapless then you might go with a down-do to give you a bit more dignity. So... what are you planning on wearing?"_

_Lily had just stared dumbly._

She chuckled. Such a fond memory, one that she'd not even given a second's thought for at the time. That was her mother though, through and through.

First on the list was, without a doubt, her eyebrows. They were a difficulty, having been one of the things she'd ferociously controlled after... the summer. A very thin, slightly crooked line of dark red hair over each eye. Lily scowled. She decided the best bet would be to use a hair-growing charm like the one Sirius Black had hit Seve... Snape with that had made his eyebrows grow until he couldn't see out from under them. It was a charm, though, and Lily was naturally good at charms. Confident she could control it, Lily aimed her wand and performed it non-verbally with as little magic behind the spell as possible.

Of course, because this was Lily, it went wrong. In fact, she seemed to have two fat, hairy red caterpillars on her forehead instead.

With a groan, Lily decided she'd better just get her tweezers and hope for the best.

Three time of over-plucking and having to grow them out and start again later, Lily had two elegant, matching brows which looked much more at home on her face than the spindly little lines had. She moved on to her skin, charming the slightly-blotchy shade to a creamy white and allowing a slight blush onto her cheeks. The freckles she mostly tried to ignore were covered, leaving her skin soft and smooth rather than speckled and a bit dry. The change made her eyes and lips stand out more, perhaps more than she'd anticipated as her eyes had a perpetually surprised look in them.

She darkened and thickened the lashes, again with charms, and then rummaged through her draws to find her pallet of eye-shadows. It had a birthday present from her parents two years ago. She chose a rich, thick gold colour and a darker, bronzer colour for the creases. She was a dab hand at applying eye-shadow, so it took her only one try to have it as she wanted. Her mother had taught her well.

Her eyes looked dramatic and captivating in her now-pale face, and so she decided to use a gentle colour-lightening charm on her lips, turning them from their usual blood red to a softer petal-pink. It made her look much more delicate, and drew attention to her eyes.

Bored, finally, with makeup Lily squirted on some perfume, charmed her nails the same gold as her eye-shadow and did a quick hair-removal charm on a patch on her knee that she'd missed in the shower.

She started on her half-dry hair, frowning for a while before setting it in thick curls and transfiguring a good handful of hairpins into little cream flowers, which she used to pull some of her hair from her face, half up and half down with some soft sticking charms. Not trusting her hair to hold, she sprayed it with what felt like half a bottle of hair spray as well. The result was a mass of vivid red curls, dotted here and there with tiny cream flowers, some of which pulled tendrils of hair out of her eyes. She felt beautiful, a feeling Lily wasn't overly used to.

"Lily?" She heard James call "You ready? The ball starts in ten minutes and we're supposed to be opening it!"

Lily's stomach did a flip and she only just refrained from twiddling her hair, catching herself at the last minute with the thought of messing up her hard work.

"I'll just be a moment James; you go down ahead and wait for me there!"

A pause, and then "Alright. Try not to be late."

"I won't be!" She snapped back, but from the sound of things he'd already left.

She turned back to her closet, eyes flicking from one dress bag to another, thinking hard.

There, in front of her, was the door. Tall, much taller than her, carved out of a rich, dark oak and smoothed by millennia's usage. Just the other side of it, Lily could hear chattering and laughter and faint, background music. Her hands went to smooth her dress a little, trailing over the delicate lace.

Then, before she lost her nerve, she pushed the door open and entered, trying vainly to convince herself no one was staring at her. They were though; she could feel their gazes as if each eye was a breath of cold air on her neck. Her eyes sought James, trailing through the crowd of extravagant dresses and robes, perfect hair and sharpened nails.

Eventually Lily tired of playing hide-and-seek, and instead opted to use the link to find him. It wasn't difficult – he was stood almost directly behind her and Lily wondered how on earth he'd either snook up on her, or she'd not noticed him. Turning she took in his always-messy hair, sparkling hazel eyes and rich blue robes. Her mouth curled involuntary into a smile at the sight of him.

"L-Lily!" James stuttered out

"James." Lily returned quietly, wringing her hands together as James stared in morbid horror at her dress

"Lily... Lily I thought... I thought you... I thought we..."

"I'm sorry." Lily whispered, looking up at him as her eyes flooded softly with tears "But it wasn't the right thing to do. I'll... I'll still be Sirius's date to the Potter Ball, but I'll just have to..."

"Wear the other dress." James finished, looking wide eyed at the cream silk Lily wore.

It was a beautiful dress, a delicate shade of true cream, ruffles and lace in small enough quantities to accent it's style yet not enough to overpower it. It laced up down the back, leaving Lily's back bare but for the ribbon itself as it criss-crossed down her body. A square neckline, gentle elbow-length sleeves and a full skirt that hid Lily's feet and trailed a little behind her.

Lily had no doubt it would have been at least as beautiful as Apolline's dress.

"Aha!" Slughorn cried, descending on Lily "It's my favourite head girl! Don't you look the pretty picture, my dear!"

Lily barely refrained a cringe, her hand tightening on James's arm. Slughorn was the one who had stopped her from ruining James's life. How awkward.

"Thank you, professor." Lily returned slowly "How are you?"

Slughorn nodded, sending his chins wobbling "I'm quite well. Oh! Well, look at that. I think you're just in time for your opening dance! Off you go, off you go!"

With that, he gave the two heads a healthy push towards the rapidly emptying dance floor. The Weird Sisters shuffled around their set, putting drinks down and picking instruments up, giving them a lazy tuning. Professor Dumbledore strode up onto the stage and clapped his hands, effectively silencing the vast hall.

"How lovely it is to see you all here! Hogwart's so often feels lonely this time of year, so it warms my heart that such a ball is being held here! Now then, our very own head boy and girl, James Potter and Lily Evans, who have organised this ball and taught you all for these past weeks, will be opening the ball in just a few moments. After that, the first contestants will take to the floor, and Hogwart's first Dance Competition will commence! I hope you all enjoy it, and a very merry Christmas!"

With that, Dumbledore stepped down once more off the stage, crimson robes adorned with stars and moons twinkling in the light from the huge chandelier. The hall lights dimmed exactly as Lily had asked Professor Flitwick to arrange, and the band struck the first chord, with it a spotlight falling on Lily and James. Lily's stomach whirled and flipped like a leaf in autumn, and she felt certain she would be faintly green under the colour-charms on her face.

The tune itself was familiar though, comforting and haunting and beautiful. Slowly but surely the hundreds of faces faded away, the music taking her into its embrace, her body performing well known motions. Finally letting her worry leave her Lily opened the link as far as she could, knowing their dance would be better if she did. A smile tugged at James's lips, she noticed, as she did so.

"Alright?" He whispered

"Yeah." She returned, before her eyes widened a little as he took her control off her, pulling her dance into his dance and forcing her to follow him. Faintly she could hear the 'oohs' and 'ahhs' of the students and staff, but all she was thinking about was how to win back her control of the dance. Soon enough it became a fluid battle for power, swirling and whirling with the music. James's eyes were sparkling and he seemed to be fighting a grin, one hand soft and steadying on her hip, the other mischievous and boisterous in her's.

Lily thought it was perfect.

All too soon though, the music fell back to its slumber, leaving Lily and James to the roar of applause, panting lightly from the exertion and grinning like fools.

The competition itself ran smoothly and mostly without hiccups, if you ignored the two screaming girls fighting over Sirius, Alice and Frank stopping dancing halfway through their routine to have a good snog and Lucius Malfoy tripping a Ravenclaw fifth year up with a well placed jinx (who had somehow ensnared a date from Narcissa Black) as the pair danced past.

Lily awarded her highest marks to a pair of Hufflepuff fourth years who had clearly put a lot of effort into their routine. Lily knew that when she had first started to teach them, they had fallen over each other three times in the first song. James, predictably, awarded Sirius the most points for 'an inspired dance... and having two dates'. She didn't know what the teacher's had awarded and to who; she only knew about James because she'd snook a peak through the link before James had realised what was happening and blocked her out.

"Attention, please!" Dumbledore called out, standing up "The judges will now take some time to calculate the winners; please enjoy the Weird Sisters while we do so!"

With that, the Weird Sisters struck up a loud, raucous starting chord, nodded once to each other with wide grins and set off playing a song that Lily was sure had more swear words in it than all of the fourth years had ever used, combined. The students seemed to love it though, cheers and whoops meshing with the loud song.

"Well then." Dumbledore said with a smile, motioning to the door "Lead the way, Horace."

Following Slughorn into a room behind the High Table, which Lily had never even noticed before never mind about been in, Lily couldn't help but feel ridiculously relieved. She'd done the opening dance with James, and it had all gone perfectly smoothly. Plus she'd enjoyed it, and James seemed to have done too.

She spent the entirety of the time in that room playing a strange sort of hide-and-seek with James, hiding her conscience from him and trying to find his at the same time. It was a strange sensation, lightly tickling, and James was much better at it than she was. On more than one occasion, Lily had to stifle a giggle when James would catch up with her, his conscience brushing over her's lightly, often when she was least expecting it. It made her ears buzz a little and her nose itch like she was about to sneeze.

Finally, Professor McGonagall burst out "Oh for goodness sake you two! Behave yourselves... whatever it is you're doing!"

Lily and James grinned at each other, James even going as far as to 'high-five' her through the link

McGonagall glared at them "Listen, you are the head students of this school; act like it!"

Slughorn laughed his booming laugh "Ah, Minerva, leave them be. They've worked very hard to organize this ball, we should at least allow them a little lee-way, don't you think? After all, their classmates are just through that door, enjoying themselves."

McGonagall looked like she was about to retaliate when Professor Sprout jumped in

"Let's not fight, Minerva, Horace. Why don't we just let Lily and James go and enjoy the ball with their friends?"

A little muttering later and Lily and James slipped out of the room into the hallway outside. The bitter winter air flowed through from the open door, leading out onto the snow-blanketed grounds, barely visible in the light from the half moon. A shiver crawled up Lily's spine from the chill, but she disregarded it, heading for the open door with a soft swish of satin.

She grinned at James as they stood in the doorway, looping her arm through his

"Isn't it beautiful?" Lily asked, quietly as though to preserve the night's silence

James nodded with a grin, stepping out onto the path and tugging Lily with him "It sure is. Remember that day when we woke up really early and had a snow-ball fight?"

Lily nodded, and the pair reminisced for a while, wandering the freezing grounds under the faint moonlight. A heating charm from Lily kept them both warm, and they found themselves looking down to the Whomping Willow. With a roguish grin, James tiptoed forward towards the tree, branch in hand, and prodded a knot. Much to Lily's amazement, the tree stilled, and James waved her over.

Cautiously, not quite sure if this was some hideous prank of his, Lily made her way to him.

Unworried, James pulled his robe off and transfigured the bottom of it to be waterproof, giving it a shiny, faintly plastic look. He laid it down on the snow under the now-still tree, and patted the space beside him. Eyebrows raised at his lazy display of transfiguration skills, Lily settled beside him, taking her time thanks to the corseted bodice of the dress. Grinning as she finally got the dress comfortable, she lay back, looking up at the sky through the spindly branches of the Whomping Willow.

Lily wasn't sure how long passed with them sat there, watching the stars in peaceful silence. The clouds drew in quickly, thick and heavy, hiding many of the stars from view, although Lily didn't mind overly. It was still beautiful, just in a different way. Loathed though she might have been, she eventually broke the silence with the faintest of whisper

"We need to get back, James."

'_Why?'_ James sent her, giving off a rich, lethargic vibe _'Let's just stay here. No one'll notice.'_

'_We're judging the competition! Of course they'll notice! Come on – get up.'_ Lily returned, struggling to her feet and using her wand to smooth out the creases in her dress, thanks to lying on it for the past however-long.

The pair hurried back to the Great Hall, slipping into the crowd and weaving their way to the front

"There they are!" Slughorn announced, spotting them and pointing the two heads out to the rest of the staff members "Good, good, hurry up now you two! The results have been calculated!"

Lily's hand tightened around James's in excitement, and then she dropped it as if it were on fire, having only just noticed she'd been holding it in the first place. Damn it. How embarrassing.

"In third place... Graham Leafton of Ravenclaw and Marlene McKinnon of the same house!" Dumbledore announced as the crowd clapped and cheered, and the two seventh years made their way up to shake Lily and James's hands, and to receive their gift vouchers for Daisy's Dancing store in Diagon Alley.

"In second place... for their excellently amusing three-people dance, we have Sirius Black of Gryffindor, Sophie Walters of Hufflepuff and Adele Tatleford of Ravenclaw!"

James whooped loudly, letting out a piercing wolf-whistle before shouting "Go Padfoot!"

Laughing, Lily shook her head as Sirius strode onto stage, girl on each arm, blowing kisses to the crowd. They too were awarded two gift vouchers between the three of them, although Sirius kindly gave his to Adele, so both girls had their own prize.

"And the winners... Lucius Malfoy and Bellatrix Black!" Dumbledore called out

Lily couldn't deny that they had been the best. Perhaps not the most deserving of the win, but they were the best dancers even if they had already had dance tuition. They both had a dark, commanding and dangerously beautiful auror which together created a brilliant dance routine. They strode up onto the stage in stony silence, accepted their prize with self-satisfied smirks and strode off again. Sirius, who had gravitated towards James, gave a loud groan of disgust.

"Them." He grumbled "Lucy the Ponce and Trixie the Demented Pixie."

Lily laughed. In the muggle world, being called a 'pixie' probably wouldn't even be classed as an insult... but here, Lily knew enough about Cornish Pixies to know Sirius wasn't being complimentary.

"Hey, where did you two sneak off to?" Sirius asked, suddenly suspicious. He grabbed Remus away from his date "Remus, did you see Lily or James any time recently?"

"They're right in front of you." Remus deadpanned

"No! Well, yes, they are... but that's not what I meant!" Sirius returned with a light scowl at being confused

"We, er, we were, erm... we were..." Lily began, biting her lip as she begged her mind to come up with something. Damn it! Why couldn't she come up with things when she needed to?

"We were helping add up the scores." James said simply, sending an amused glance Lily's direction "Where did you think we were? Off on some romantic moonlit walk, eh Padfoot?"

There went her stomach. Again. She really needed to get that looked at.

Sirius laughed loudly "Yeah right. I'd almost forgotten how funny you were at times. Imagine – Lily Evans and James Potter off on some moonlit walk, without killing each other! Ha!"

Remus, however, stayed surprisingly quiet.

Lily enjoyed the rest of the evening dancing with professors and students alike who asked for a dance. She chatted to Professor Slughorn about a new potion theory on heating and cooling ingredients and the effect on their performance in certain potions, with Professor Sprout about similar – how the temperature a plant grew at would effect it's uses, with Professor Flitwick about the theory of the Patronem Charm, and how that may have uses to cure depression.

She danced with Sirius once, as official practice for the Potter's ball. Not that the Potter's ball mattered anymore. She caught James's forlorn expression many times through the evening, and didn't need their link to tell her that he was mulling over the plan that she ruined. He probably wouldn't even understand why she'd done it, and he wouldn't agree with her reasons even if he did understand them. That was just how James was.

She didn't think she'd want to change him, either.

She enjoyed a few dances with Remus, who was quiet and looked at her with an odd gleam in his eye, as if she were an interesting Rune's problem. She danced with Peter once, but he stepped on his feet so many times that she had to all but limp over to a seat afterwards. He was shorter than her as well, which felt awkward as she wasn't very tall by anyone's measure, and was used to looking up at people (and dancing with partners taller than her) rather than down. Still, she felt a real sense of companionship with him, knowing about his sister's death as she did. She pitied the fact that he seemed the least-important Marauder, and had mentioned it to James more than once. James had replied that Peter had always been quieter; it was kinder to just let him sit in the shadows where he was comfortable.

She danced with Frank and endured the glares from Alice for doing so. She danced with a boy in Ravenclaw called Aakash Patil who'd had a crush on her for longer than she could remember, simply because she felt mean saying no to him, terrified as he looked at having asked for a dance in the first place.

The last dance, she saved for James. She rationalized it because they were Head's together, and he was her... her friend and she'd opened with James so she had to close with James. Her stomach lurched a little, but Lily knew that was only because she was tired from such a long night, and because her feet still hurt from dancing with Peter.

The dance was gentle and nothing special in terms of dance moves or extravagant flare. It was just a dance, a dance with James that she wouldn't have swopped for anything. They chattered quietly through the link about how much a success the ball had been, carefully skirting around the issue of the Potter's ball and Apolline, and the dress Lily shouldn't have worn but did. Lily fretted internally over this barrier, this flaw in their conversation. Had she ruined everything? Was their friendship (and why did her stomach _do_ _that?)_ now about to crumble and fall, just like her friendship with Sev-Snape had done?

Then the ball was over, and everyone gave a huge round of applause for Lily and James which made her blush under her makeup-charms. They were presented with a huge bouquet of flowers, and then the hall filtered clean of occupants, slowly and lazily like a puddle drying up.

"Hmph." Lily gave a contented hum. "We did it. And it worked."

James laughed loudly, almost forced, and it echoed through the now empty (and very messy) hall. "It did work. Didn't I tell you not to worry?"

"Aw don't ruin it now by being a prat." Lily chided gently as the pair finally left the hall, out into the hallway they had escaped to during the scoring earlier in the ball.

"Look." James said, stopping Lily with a hand on her arm and turning her to the doorway, open to the night still

Lily gave a soft gasp, setting the flowers down on a windowsill nearby and gathering her skirts in one hand, running out into the night. Snow blew in the wind as it fell, little shards of ripped up paper being tossed through the paws of young children invisible in the night.

Lily laughed as the snow soaked her hair, stuck to her dress and her nose and made her eyes sparkle. She didn't worry that she'd singlehandedly taken James to his doom by wearing the wrong dress (there she was, being melodramatic again), or that Sirius seemed to think she was doing something... fishy with James, such as a romantic moonlight walk, or that she couldn't lie to save her life. She didn't bother that the wrong people had won the dance competition (really, Malfoy and Black? They only showed up to one of their lessons!), that Slughorn had been watching her oddly, or that the reporter had been strangely interested in her. She didn't even spare a thought for her parents, be it the smell of hair burning when Petunia tried to use their mother's curling tongues and got it wrong, or the sound of the newspaper rustling in the morning.

She was just Lily. Just Lily and just James, laughing and shivering lightly to the sound of crunching snow, looking up at the falling snow until their neck's hurt from the strain. And somehow, laughing breathlessly in the cold, dark night, creating plumes of smoke as their breaths condensed air around them, they came to stop at the top of the path leading down to Hagrid's hut.

"Beautiful." James murmured suddenly, hand coming up cautiously, slowly, like he was trying to pet a wild animal, to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. Lily stiffened for a moment, but then it was done; tucked behind her ear and out of her eyes.

Lily opened her mouth to say something, although what on earth she could say she wasn't sure. James spared her of that by pressing a finger to her lips, silencing her.

"Shh." He told her, mouth quirking up into a crooked smile

So Lily did as he told her, standing in silence in the snow, watching the flakes instead of watching him as he came closer and closer. Blinking as the flakes stuck to her eyelashes instead of noticing his eyes flicking to her lips.

Then, finally, her eyes met his again, dragging them away from the surroundings. He was close, close enough to notice that his skin wasn't as freckle-free as she'd originally thought. Close enough to notice that his eyes were shot through with gold, not just brown as she'd first thought. Close enough to see a little bump in his nose where he'd broken it in second year playing quidditch.

Close enough to see him pause, see him give her an option to turn away. Close enough to wonder if he could tell her stomach was whirling worse than it had ever done before. Close enough to wonder if he could hear her heart jumping like a chocolate frog.

She considered pulling back. Thought about it perhaps a bit too much. He was a taken man; he was engaged despite it being against his will. She was doing the wrong thing. He was her friend, not a romantic interest. He had such soft looking lips and... what would Sirius say – he'd tease her something awful. What would her past self had said, knowing that she would give in to him? Wait... who said anything about giving in? She didn't have to give in, right? Was letting him kiss her 'giving in'? What would Professor Slughorn say if he knew she'd gone against his advice? Or Professor McGonagall if she knew her two head students were out after curfew?

What if she wasn't a very good kisser? What if he pressed his lips to her and she didn't know what to do? What if _he_ wasn't a very good kisser? Could they still be friends? What if she didn't want to be anything more than friends and he did? What if it was the other way around? What if Apolline found out? What if James's parent's found out? What if she pulled away? Would that ruin everything? Would he hate her? Would she hate herself? Would she hate herself if she went through with this?

And then his lips met her's, and the vast majority of her thoughts turned to soup, leaving behind strange, bazaar thoughts such as 'I wonder if he uses lip balm' and 'why does water in a lake/river/sea look blue, yet everyone knows it's clear?'.

She stood very still, his lips moving against hers but she didn't make any attempt to move hers with his. Her eyes stayed open, going cross-eyed trying to look at James when he was so close. She was too worried about ruining it to do anything different. He pulled back and looked down at her, brows furrowed, and then he pushed open their link. Lily could feel his curiosity, wondering why she was frozen.

He seemed to identify her worry with a light roll of his eyes and a faint smile, before he then tried to sooth her, calm her by sending her calm and relaxed feelings, accompanied through the link by a _'Just relax.' _

So Lily did just as asked, melting into his arms and soaking up his warmth in the freezing night. This time, his lips met her's and she allowed him to kiss her, allowed him to move his lips against her's. Gasped as his tongue slid over her lips, allowing him into her mouth as her arms came, almost involuntary, around his neck. His fingers slipped over her back, brushing her bare skin through the criss-cross of ribbon lacing the dress on, making her tingle and shiver. Found herself on tiptoes to get closer to him. Tongues battled for dominance, strangely how they danced; Lily softer yet fiery and James more boisterous yet more mellow.

And then oxygen became a problem and Lily pulled back, biting her now swollen lips and looking up at James through her lashes. He was grinning widely.

"You've no idea how long I've wanted to do that for." He told her

And suddenly it all crashed down on her, what she'd done. She'd made the wrong decision. She'd not regretted it, wouldn't want to make the right decision, but it had been the wrong one all the same.

"We can't do this." She told him, stepping out of his embrace and missing it instantly "You're engaged. I'm still... I'm still messed up. I... I just... I just wanted..."

And then, to her horror, the tears came. Leaking out of her eyes and rolling down her cheeks. Not fast, not sobbing, just leaking pitifully.

"I just wanted to be friends." She finally choked out "And I've never had a friend like you before. You're funny and kind and put up with me being a bit odd and you know how to get me out of my self-pity funks. You know what to say when I brood and you let me have fun away from my books. And you send me funny notes and you know I don't like coffee and you don't mind that I like vegetable soup, even though you hate it. And you know about my family, more than I've ever told anyone else. You came Christmas shopping with me and you bought me a dress which I'll have to pay you back for and... and now that's all gone."

James chuckled softly, although his eyes looked sad "Lily, if that's what you want then that's what it'll be. We'll write this off as just a... just us being affected by the atmosphere, say it could have happened to anyone and forget about it all. You'll not even need to brood over it or consume gallons of milk-less tea, or twiddle all your hair out, or even say 'damn it' far too often. First and foremost, Lily, I want to be your friend."

So Lily ignored the fact that his eyes were screaming that he was lying, and ignored the strange tone in his voice that said he was hurting from her words, and flung her arms around his neck, squeezing him tightly

"You're the best friend a crazy girl like me could want." She whispered in his ear, voice a little jumpy from his closeness. James either didn't notice, or pretended not to. Lily hoped it was the former, but it was probably more likely to be the latter.

When it became clear that it really was far too cold to be outside, the pair turned and trudged up to the Head's Tower, talking if only to fill the now tense silence. Every movement James made be it brushing his hand against her's accidentally, holding a door for her, tipping a smile at some of the portraits he seemed to know... it would make Lily's stomach flutter and her face blush beneath the colour-foundation charms.

Their tower seemed oddly empty, without all the decorations that were now up in the hall. Quiet and peaceful, but still empty. James smiled, said goodnight and went to bed. Lily said she would do the same.

Instead she sat up, drinking gallons of tea, twiddling her hair and brooding.

She might have snook one of the pastries she'd saved with a stasis charm as well. The ones James had given her, all those weeks ago.

It tasted a bit funny, as though the magic was beginning to wear off. But James had given it to her, and for that it tasted better than all the macaroon's her mother had ever bought.

Damn. That wasn't healthy, was it?

* * *

_Hope you enjoyed it :)_

_Please leave a review... I'm struggling for Christmas presents from Lily/James to Lily/James, as well as from James to the rest of the Marauders. In fact, pretty much all presents. Except Mrs Next Door's macaroons. _

_Ashi_


	8. Fool's Hope

_Okay, I'll be honest. This isn't my best chapter by any stretch. I've not had the time to get it exactly where I want it, with my exams coming up, coursework due in, my dad being out of the country for increasing lengths of time on buisness, my mum's back seriously playing up and my brother being a complete and utter turnip. Trust me, you don't even want to know what he's done this time. Anyway, obviously there's the usual grovelling to put in here somewhere that you'll no doubt not read about how sorry I am for not updating sooner. I am sorry. Honest. This is a fairly long chapter though, maybe that'll make up for it?_

* * *

**_'You know that feeling you get, when you're in a high place and you get the urge to jump?_**

**_I don't have it.'_**

_Captain Jack Sparrow - Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides_

* * *

Lily dressed lazily, pulling her hair into a pony tail and slipping some fluffy socks on her feet to keep them warm from the cold stone floors. She felt rested after her brooding session the night before, and was fairly confident that when James had promised nothing would come out of that kiss, that he had meant it. That didn't mean, of course, that Lily could stop herself from being effected by him; blushing when he looked at her or stuttering or some other embarrassing give-away.

She made herself a cup of tea, and poured one out for James, setting it on the side with a heating charm on it. She finished off the last of the pumpkin pasties for breakfast, since the charm (as she'd discovered the night before) was wearing thin and they soon would be inedible.

A post owl, tapping at the window with her subscription to the Daily Prophet as well as a letter for her made her jump, scalding her hand with tea. She let the owl in and took the paper and letter off it, dropping the paper face-down and opening the letter. It had a Daily Prophet seal on it which she broke, unfurling the thin parchment

_Dear Miss Evans and Mr Potter,_

_Thank you for allowing me to cover the ball. It was most informing and far more interesting than I thought it would be. In light of this, I decided I wouldn't charge for any photographs Hogwart's would like a copy of, within reason. _

_Yours Sincerely,_

_Parsley Louthy, Special Reporter_

_The Daily Prophet_

Lily gave a little 'humph' of surprise, rocking back in her chair as her eyebrows rose. How unexpected. Why would he do that? He'd seemed nice enough, so maybe it was just sincere.

She grabbed the newspaper and turned it over, face draining as she took in the front page.

Ooh no. This wasn't happening to her. This was a bad dream. A prank. She was losing her mind. Whatever the reason, that could not be the front page of the Prophet. No, no, no, no, no! Wasn't there a god somewhere? Maybe there was and he just didn't care for her. Quite possible, of course.

Tucking the newspaper under her arm and taking the two mugs of tea – one for her and one for James – she made her way cautiously into his room. It was dark, and he was scrunched up, completely under the duvet like the Kids From Number Six's gerbils used to curl up under shredded loo-roll.

She felt like crying. He was under there, with no idea his life had been ruined. Had she had a free hand, she would have twiddled her hair.

Eventually finding a flat surface in James's messy room to put the tea down on, Lily paused before setting a cautious hand on the lump of bed-covers (snoring lightly) and shook it.

"James? James, wake up! It's important!"

No response

"James, the world's ten minutes away from being blown up!"

Still nothing

"Your merry bunch of idiots have ratted you out to McGonagall!"

A faint groan. Although that could have been a particularly loud snore

"James, I'm doing a pole dance around the poster of your four-poster bed, completely naked!"

"WHAT?"

"Oh thank Merlin you're awake." Lily gasped out, throwing the newspaper in his lap as he blearily rubbed his eyes

"Oh shit."

Nothing else really needed saying.

Cautiously Lily edged onto his bed, keeping a healthy distance between their bodies, but her curiosity had the better of her. She'd not read the article, only seen the photo.

_SCANDAL AT HOGWART'S YULE BALL!_

_Last night I had the honour of attending the highly-anticipated Hogwart's Yule Ball, organised by the Head students, Lola Evans (muggleborn) and the Potter scion, James Charlus Potter. I had the opportunity to chat with the pair before the ball, and it revealed some worrying facts._

_First of all; Lola Evans and James Potter can communicate without speaking aloud. No, we're not talking the kind of thing you'd expect from two friends – such as being able to guess when your friend is upset, or when your friend wants to talk about something – we're talking full-blown conversations without words. There is only one way to achieve this._

_Yes, you're thinking right. _

_Magical Soul Bond. Not something Charlus and Dorea Potter will be thrilled to hear about, especially considering the Pureblood gossip of the moment; Charlus and Dorea Potter were scheduled to announce James's engagement with a French pureblood witch, name unknown, at their New Year's Ball. In the 1243 Soul Bond Legislation, this engagement will now be null and void if there really is a soul bond between the two Head's. _

_Second, as you can see from the photo of the pair dancing above, a soul bond does not see an impossibility. The pair swirled around the dance floor, wow-ing the audience with their fluid routine that leaves me wondering; when did they have the time to practice their routine enough to get it to that standard? On their own admission, the pair have been extremely busy with school work, Head duties and teaching their fellow peers to dance for the Yule Ball. _

_Then there is the curious background to their... relationship. While the pair claim to have 'worked out their differences', readers should be aware that this change was sudden and unexpected. Sudden and unexpected enough to possibly hint towards a love potion. The only love potion strong enough to cause a Soul Bond would be Amortentia. _

_Coincidence, then, that Lola Evans is (to quote Professor Horace Slughorn) 'The best potioneer to have passed through Hogwart's halls.'?_

_We think not. _

_This reporter is proposing an enforced Ministry test to see if this truly is a Soul Bond, and to test if either have been subjected to Amortentia. At least this way, any foul play would be detected, and hopefully the honour of the young Potter scion would be restored._

_Read more on the Potter family on page 2, more on the happenings of the happenings of the Yule Ball on page 5, more on the effects, inventors and uses of Amortentia on page 7 and more on Lola Evans on page 14_

"They got your name wrong!" James exclaimed, sounding horrified. Lily almost laughed at his naivety.

"James, that's the least of our worries. They've accused me of dosing you with an illegal love potion, said our link is a Soul Bond and made it sound like you and I are having some sort of illicit... illicit... illicit tryst! The whole plan of the Potter ball, never mind the fact that we weren't going to go through with it has now been completely ruined and..."

James cut in "... Merlin if someone finds out my dad taught me an auror spell, it'll lose my dad his job, and people will be bandying around things like 'Azkaban' and 'Wizenmagot Trial'. They're very secretive about their spells, thanks to You-Know-Who. Oh Merlin what are we going to do?"

Lily dropped her head into her hands. She didn't know. She just didn't know.

About half an hour later, the remaining Marauders were banging on the portrait hole, grumbling about Lily changing the password without telling them. Watching them traipse their muddy quidditch boots and robes through her beautifully clean tower, Lily knew exactly why she'd done it. The four boys had scurried into the study, throwing robes and boots haphazardly off on their way, slamming the door shut. The words

'Marauder Meeting in Progress – DO NOT ENTER'

Appeared on the door in fiery letters. Scowling at being left out, Lily snatched up their robes and shot them all with high powered cleaning charms. She hung them on the hooks by the entrance, their cleaned boots lined up underneath. She tried listening in at the door, but it seemed as though the boys knew a healthy number of silencing charms.

Mind you, perhaps it wasn't a silencing charm. Lily could just hear a buzzing noise, like listening to the overall chatter in a train station. And, damn it, she couldn't find a counter spell for the life of her!

Next she tried tiptoeing across the link she shared with James, certain that if he noticed her in his mind he would boot her out. She wasn't exactly subtle, though, and James spotted her easily. He didn't seem to mind, much to her surprise, and allowed her to 'sit in' on the Marauder's planning session, giving her the sneaking feeling that their cloak-and-daggers charade was more of a strange male thing than an actual functionality.

"... damage control." Sirius was saying "Slytherin's will be worst, but they're also easiest to prank. Hufflepuff's could go either way; they'll either gang together for Lily, or against Lily, so we'll just have to push them towards for Lily. Ravenclaw's are a lost cause; they'll believe hard facts, and if this newspaper comes across as hard facts then they'll be sold. They'll undoubtedly be pushing for those tests."

"How can you two speak without... y'know... speaking?" Peter asked curiously

Lily was struck by a wave of embarrassment from James as he fumbled for an answer in front of his friends

"Er... erm... uh... we can speak because... I mean, no, we can't speak! Er... y'know, in our heads. It's not like speaking actually. I mean, er..."

Lily gave a snicker in his head, which had a strangely tickling sensation, causing James to shake his head like a wet dog

"What're you doing, Prongs?" Remus asked carefully "You look like you've got a niffler in your ears."

James gave a wry chuckle "Nope, that's just Lily laughing at me for making such a mess of that answer about how we can speak inside our heads."

Silence reigned over the Marauder's meeting, and Lily held her breath, wondering what on earth James's best friends would make of that admission.

"So... so you can talk to Lily without opening your mouth?" Peter asked slowly

Sirius snorted "Stuff that, James has just broken one of the Rules of Being a Marauder – letting another person privy to a Marauder Meeting! And a girl, Evans no less!"

"What's it like, talking to someone in your head?" Remus asked, ignoring Sirius

James shrugged and asked Lily through their link how she'd describe it.

_It's like talking to another part of yourself; one that's better and worse than you at different things. You can feel emotions and understand things left unsaid; intentions and insinuations from the other person are as clear as actual words. Images and such can be shared as easily as words. Initially you feel confused, because you can feel the other person's emotions and they don't fit with how you feel. Eventually, you learn to block certain things so they remain private, and then the other person becomes a more physical thing inside your mind. You can play hide-and-seek with them, for example. _

James dutifully repeated what Lily had said to the Marauders, grinning at their astonished faces "No, that wasn't me, by the way. That was Lily, word for word."

Sirius let out a growl "She's still listening in on our private conversation!"

James laughed "Padfoot, if I block her out she'll just find some other way to listen in. Trust me, this is the least painful way."

The three other marauders laughed a little uncomfortably

"Why didn't you tell us earlier?" Remus asked "This seems like a pretty big thing, y'know? Aren't we important enough to have been informed?"

James winced "Of course you guys are important – you're my brothers. But... well, Lily didn't want anyone to know."

Lily let out a little shrill of indignation in his mind, and he barely refrained a wince

'_Me? You're the one who didn't want to tell anyone you'd used an illegal Auror spell!'_

"So Evan's more important than us now, huh?" Sirius asked, scowling "What, you in love with her or something?"

Lily scrambled to get out of his mind, pulling back into her own with a deep gulp of air. She certainly didn't want to know the answer to that. If he said yes, then their friendship would be completely awkward because Lily didn't even know what that kind of love was, never mind about feeling it for James. And if he said no... Lily sternly refused to acknowledge the fact that she would be... strangely disappointed.

Lily hid the entire day in the tower, knowing that the Hogwart's Express would be taking most of the students home that evening after they had stayed for the Ball. She couldn't bring herself to face the likely scowls and glares from the students, nor the disappointed look from Slughorn she would undoubtedly receive. Instead she spent the day completing her essays and writing up some revision notes for her transfiguration NEWT.

The marauders had gone off in a pack to, Lily assumed, prank some poor, unsuspecting Slytherin. Likely Seve... Snape. Lily couldn't quite find it in her to hate them for it. It was part of their natures, after all, and the sudden spikes of excitement and adrenalin that she felt all day told her James was loving every minute of it.

She couldn't face going down to the Great Hall, so instead she just drank copious amounts of tea and ignored her grumbling stomach. She did some more work, and owled the Weird Sisters their payment. James tumbled through the portrait hole just as Lily was designing the posters for the photographs, were anyone to want to buy some.

"Hey." Lily greeted quietly, suddenly finding herself flushed at the sight of him with his hair all over the place and a bright sparkle in his eye that spoke of the fun he'd had pranking with his best friends. And that lop-sided grin certainly wasn't to be sneered at either.

"Hey Lils." He returned, kicking his shoes off and shrugging his robe into a pile by the fireplace (as if he didn't know where the coat hooks were), settling himself on his favourite armchair, legs sprawled over the arms of it and head lolling back. He was just James, just her... dare she say it? Just her best friend again, and the blush subsided.

"Had fun?" Lily asked absently

James's eyes widened a little and he pulled himself upright, looking at her strangely

"What?" Lily asked, self-consciously

Then James laughed, and Lily felt the heat rise to her cheeks again. She'd have to put a concealing charm on them if this... strange blushing carried on, damn it!

"I think I've managed to corrupt you, Lils." He told her with a grin

Lily scowled at him, although the effect was ruined somewhat by her eyes, which were dancing with contained laughter. That, and the link which Lily felt certain he would be able to feel her amusement through.

James laughed quietly, deep in his chest, and Lily smiled at the sound. He sounded so content. Lily found herself settling on the rug in front of the fire, resting her back on the chair James was sprawled on. Absently, her hand went to braid her hair, her eyes sliding shut. Both were happy to just listen to the fire chatter in the hearth, although they knew they needed to talk about the fiasco that their link was about to become.

'_What are we going to do?' _Lily asked eventually

'_I... I don't know, Lils.' _James replied _'The only way to get through this without them finding out we used an auror spell, and losing my dad his job, is to make it seem like a Soul Bond.'_

'_But then they'll think I dosed you with Amortentia.'_

'_Nah, they won't. They have a test for Amortentia, which the healer's do. You just drink a potion, wait half an hour, and then if you glow pink, you've been given Amortentia. If you don't glow, then we're all good.'_

Lily couldn't hide the huge sense of relief that comment brought her

'_But, if they think we do have a Soul Bond, and there wasn't any Amortentia involved... then we'd be legally required to get married. You do know that, right?' _James put in quietly

No. Lily didn't know that. _'Damn it! Does God hate us or something?'_

'_God?'_ James was amused _'You mean Merlin, right?'_

Lilysnorted_ 'Muggle thing.'_

'_Oh. Hey, maybe there's a muggle way out of this!_

'_Right. James, I know you don't know much about muggles, but believe me they won't have a way out of this. We're between a rock and a hard place. We tell the truth and your father loses his job, and we face a serious criminal charge. We lie and say I gave you Amortentia, and maybe even give you some to rig the test, then I'm facing a life-long holiday to Azkaban. We lie and say it's a real Soul Bond, and we have to get married. Bloody hell!'_

It was quiet for a moment, and then James asked quietly _'Would that really be such an awful thing? I mean... we could just... keep it as a business arrangement. Like... well, don't tell Sirius this, but Sirius, Remus and Peter are my brothers, but I think you might be my best friend. And surely best friends could put up with pretending to be married? It's better than going to Azkaban, right?_

Lily wasn't particularly paying much attention to what he'd just said, because he'd just told her she was his best friend. Yes, the Marauders were his 'brothers', as he called them, but she, his best friend!

'_Really?'_

'_Er... really what?'_

'_I'm your best friend? Are you... are you being honest?'_

James laughed out loud "Why is it so hard to believe? You're with me every minute of the day, what with being in my head. Sure, most of the time you stay quiet and out of the way, and we don't share thoughts or whatever, but there's no denying that I'd always know if you were in trouble. Look, I know friends is a bit of a sore topic for you what with Sniv-...Snape, but not everyone's going to take something as precious as your friendship and throw it back in your face, you know."

Lily buried her face in her knees, pulling them up and hugging them tightly as James words hit exactly what she'd been trying to avoid. Her voice was thick and her eyes stung as she replied

"But... oh damn it, James! Don't you see? My sister, she was my best friend, and now she hates me. Sev was my best friend, and now he hates me. My..." And now she was crying in earnest "My parents were my best friends, and now they're dead!"

James slipped off the armchair to sit next to her on the floor, gently pulling Lily's hand away from her hair with a smile and a "You'll pull your hair out."

He bundled Lily up onto his lap, so small now and light and nothing like the softness and curves of the girl who'd initially taken his eye.

It was awkward, Lily found, but comforting. There was something innocent and _good_ about the way James's hands snagged in her hair as he smoothed down the curls and knots she'd created in her stress. Curled up on James's lap, there by the fire, her face puffy and nose running and heart aching, made her feel as safe as she had done sat in the corner of her father's office, listening as he chuckled every now and again over something in the paper, or perhaps a letter a friend had sent.

Of course, as with just about every good thing in her life, Lily mused, it was bound to end shortly.

James laughed, the sound reverberating through Lily as she glanced up at him with a light scowl

"You're pretty cute when you get all angsty, you know." He told her "Did you think I wouldn't know if you brooded silently? You forget I'm in your head."

Lily tensed up. This was getting dangerously close to uncomfortable territory. Her face heated up and her stomach gave a traitorous little jump. Her head knew she didn't want James to think she was 'pretty cute'... but somehow the rest of her disagreed.

James smiled down at her almost sadly, as if knowing exactly the thoughts going through her head. Lily hoped he didn't. She would know if he was snooping through the link, right?

James chuckled again "No, Lily, I'm not invading your privacy."

She scowled harder. So he was, and now he was claiming he wasn't!

James laughed "Aw come on Lils! I know you too well for you to try and hide such obvious things from me! Besides, you Muppet, you'd know if I was being nosey. You'd feel it, remember?"

Lily grumbled and got out of his lap, stretching a little and ambling into the kitchen. She might open a window; the tower was getting pretty stuffy. She heard James sigh and copy her movements. Maybe, she hoped, he might hang his own robes up instead of her having to do it for him. Then again, Lily mused as she heard the door to the study swing open, then the window in there be thrown open, and then the sound of an owl hopping on the window ledge, maybe not.

"Hey, Lily! Come and read this!" James called, and Lily gave a little grumble, doing as he asked and hurrying into the study

"What is it?" She asked as she took the letter, gently smoothing out the thick, creamy parchment

"Read it." James said simply

_Darling James,_

_Your father and I are somewhat worried, poppet. Are you alright? After the Prophet's delightful little article, we've had quite a bit of damage control to do, sweetheart. It doesn't look like there's much we can do about it, unfortunately. We're a little too well liked in the public's eyes to let this slide. _

_We need to take you to St. Mungo's and have you tested for any potions or spells. Your father has spoken to his good friend, Horace Slughorn, your potions teacher, and Horace grudgingly allowed that this Miss Evans has more than the ability to brew Amortentia. However, he had nothing but the best to speak of this girl, although he had previously agreed to try and stop her becoming too attached to you. Your father and I felt it was for the best, you understand pumpkin, that you didn't become too close to this girl when your engagement had just been finalized. We only asked him with your best interests at heart._

_We would like to meet this Miss Evans, your father and I. If there truly has been no foul play and this really is a Soul Bond, then we shall have to try and make amends with the Delacours. Hopefully, being that Lady Delacour is a veela, she will understand that sometimes matters of the heart play foul with matters of the mind. Of course, this could go both ways; veela's have impressive tempers. _

_But really, sunshine, what were you thinking? Allowing a reporter to see so clearly that you can converse with this Miss Evans without speaking aloud? Do you have any idea how much trouble you have created for us and yourself? You had better hope nothing untoward has gone on, else this Miss Evans shall find herself entirely unable to ever have a good reputation again. Honestly, darling, please tell me you haven't thrown everything your father and I have ever done for you away. _

_I'm sure you won't have. I think I should rather this Miss Evans has done something illegal to earn your affections than this be an honest Bond. You wouldn't do that to Charlus and I unless it was out of your control._

_We've spoken to Albus, and arranged a visit this evening. We have an appointment at St. Mungo's, and we'll know for certain if you've been dosed with anything by tonight. That way, what with it being only three days to Christmas, hopefully it'll all be over by the 25__th__, and you can take a Portkey home, and we'll spend Christmas as a family, as we always do. Without the shadow of all this hanging over us. _

_James, I know this girl is a friend; you write about her in equal parts to Sirius, Remus and Peter, and for that I know it will hurt if she truly has used you in such an awful way. We've bought you a few extra Christmas presents to make up for it!_

_All my love_

_Mother_

_Xxx_

"Huh." Lily said, for lack of anything else "At least you'll get extra Christmas presents out of the deal?"

James was frantic, and scowled at her weak attempt at humour "Lily, you've not grasped the importance of this! We have about four hours before my parents get here, and we need a fool-proof plan by then!"

Lily let out an insane little giggle "I know." She gasped out, eyes sparkling "It's quite an invigorating feeling, isn't it?"

James shook his head and laughed along with her "No matter how long I spend in your head, Lils, I doubt I'll ever fully understand you."

Lily was still feeling somewhat giddy (read: hysterical) over the revelation that she had a few short hours before everything went up in smoke. "I think you should gather your merry band of idiots and try and come up with some sort of plan... but don't tell them what's actually happened. It's a well known fact that you're all really close, and if we do get found out they might just think to check if your friends knew and didn't do anything about it. They would be charged with harbouring a criminal or something similar." She told him, grabbing her outer robes off the hook and shrugging them on "I'll head to the library and look up Amortentia, Soul Bonds, and see if I can find anything about the Auror Bond we created. Surely your dad doesn't have someone else in his head the entire time?"

James shook his head sadly "The block for the Auror Bond is Occulmency, and trust me when I say that takes years to learn not hours."

Lily frowned heavily for a moment, but then nodded resignedly "Alright. Well I'll not bother with searching for the Auror spell then. There probably wouldn't have been anything of use on it anyway, seeing how it's a ministry controlled spell and we're in the middle of a war."

Lily was about to go on, but James interrupted

"Lily, we need to make a decision. We honest to Merlin don't have enough time for you to do your usual fretting and dallying. Don't take this the wrong way, Lils, but I need an answer."

Lily almost felt sick with the tense anxious, guilty and full out terrified feelings James was throwing at her through the link.

"Look, this is all my fault." James finally bit out "You didn't have any idea about the consequences when you asked me about the spell, and I was too caught up in the moment, too childish to bother stopping you and telling you. I just... I'd wanted to be close to you for so long, and I know now that it was foolish and spoilt of me to want something just because I didn't have it; I only wanted you then because you wouldn't have me. And then, there you were, offering what I knew would eventually be a really close friendship on a plate. Offering to let me see in your head, to understand the girl I'd pined after for years."

Lily sat down shakily on a nearby armchair

"And instead, understanding how you saw me, knowing how you felt when I torment the Slytherins or when I tease you or when I'm rude... somehow I found myself taking your side, and instead of understanding you, I found myself _not_ understanding _me_! And when I did finally get why you drink your tea without milk, and why you dance, and why your grades are so important... hell, why you always stand up for Snape, even when he called you a... called you a... called you a you-know-what, I found you were nothing like the girl I'd idolized for years. You weren't cold and aloof because you were too intelligent to want to play with the mere mortals; you were shy and afraid of your trust being broken. You weren't playing hard to get, you were embarrassed that I would put you under pressure in a public environment, and you honestly believed I was just teasing you. You weren't sucking up to Slughorn so he'd give you better marks; you genuinely enjoy his company and honestly find his knowledge inspiring.

"I guess what I'm trying to say, Lils, is that this whole Bond thing is my fault, you know? And in doing it, I've learnt so much about myself. Now I know the real you... you're everything I thought I didn't like in a person. You're shy and brooding and sharp and quick to temper. You're a force to be reckoned with when you think someone's been wronged. You're fiercely independent and awfully set in your ways. You're patient and a brilliant teacher. You let me in one minute, and shut me out another. You're stronger than I ever could hope to be. Hell, if my parents died? I'd probably drop out of Hogwarts and fail everything and yet you've kept your grades up, and you've taught half the school to dance in the process! I feel like I've ruined everything you could be by stupidly letting you go through with the whole auror spell that's screwed everything up..."

He gave a bark of laughter then, but it sounded dark and hollow in the suddenly silent tower. Lily watched him with wide eyes and slightly slack jaw

His hands shot through his hair as they always did when he was nervous "Huh. I was only going to say a few words about that, y'know. Well, too late now I guess. Anyway... I was going on about making a decision, wasn't I? Well... you need to decide which the better option is; go to Azkaban..."

He stopped then, to take a deep breath before he continued.

"Or marry me."

And then, without even glancing at her, he swept past and out of the portrait guarding their tower. Lily sat there, a blank look on her face, and wondered how she'd ever missed how much of a... how much of a _softie_ James Potter was. And for someone who claimed to know her really well, he sure was being a bit daft.

With an unsteady sigh, Lily discarded her original plans of hitting the library. Instead she stood and made her way into her room, pulling her trunk from under her bed and throwing the heavy lid open, pulling away the hidden compartment in the base of it after pushing aside the junk that had somehow found its way into her trunk – and, Merlin, were they James's prank plans that she'd found of the wall of the study that time when she'd first tidied it? The one's that she'd shouted at him for, and insisted he burnt them? They were! Well, she'd be having words with him about that, for sure!

Finally her fingers slipped under the false bottom, feeling around for a moment until they snagged the letter, the last letter her father ever sent her.

Even as she unfolded it, her lips trembled with the emotions. Her eyes scanned down it, looking for some kind of advice. Somehow, just when she needed them, there wasn't a useful little flashback of her parents. Did that mean she was forgetting them? Did that mean... that they wouldn't be there for her anymore?

_...make sure you let go once in a while...find a nice boy I probably wouldn't approve of to marry..._

_...my baby girl..._

What would they have said? Why couldn't she picture them? Would her mother have been pleased that she might marry someone with a social standing like James's, or would she be disappointed with the lack of romance? Would her father have been glad she had a best friend in James, or would he have hated him for putting her in this situation?

Would they hate her for forgetting them?

_Was_ she forgetting them?

She didn't know how long she sat there, staring at her father's script, but her thoughts were eventually interrupted by the portrait opening and then shutting again, footsteps, and then her bedroom door swinging open to admit Peter Pettigrew. He didn't mention that she was just sat on the floor, scratty paper in hand.

"Hey." He said, sitting down next to her. His straw-coloured hair looked a bit greasy, like he'd run sweaty hands through it, or perhaps not had time to wash it. He had a smudge of dirt on his forehead, like he'd been running through a low tunnel. His breathing was heavy as if he'd just sprinted further than his body was comfortable with.

"Hey." She returned weakly, silently offering the letter to Peter. He wouldn't take it though, pushing it gently back to her

"No, Lily." He said "That's yours."

Lily nodded slowly. It was hers, yes.

"I've just been to Hogsmead." He announced after a moment, startling Lily, who wasn't sure she even _wanted_ to know how on earth he'd snook off school grounds. "I've been to the second hand book store; James told me to grab anything that might help. I've found four books on Soul Bonds, but most importantly an old roll of parchment..."

He rummaged in his pocket for a moment, before pulling out the aforementioned item and handing it to Lily

It was written in curly script, although slightly uncertain as if it were a younger person, probably a teen, than an adult that had written it. From the way it was laid out, Lily assumed it must have been a school assignment that had somehow wound up in a second hand shop. The scribbled price tag on the top corner claimed it was only worth 'Two knuts'.

_Tests for a Soul Bond:_

_Soul Bonds are tested for in three stages:_

_Stage 1 is conducted by a healer, who checks both participants over for any spells, enchantments, cursed items or potions which may have falsely caused a Soul Bond to be formed. If such foul play is found, the healer is legally obligated to do all in their power to remove, block or counteract it. Once the healer is successful, both will undergo severe pain lasting for on average about a day, although the time is dependent upon how long the pseudo bond has been in place. A Soul Bond created through some outside force is never as magically strong as a true Soul Bond. If no foul play is found, the testing progresses to Stage 2._

_Stage 2 is to test the mental and emotional link the pair have. This is a simple test carried out in the ministry, in which the two individuals are put in separate rooms after being stripped of all magical objects including their wand, and shown a variety of objects. The other participant is then to try and say which object their bonded can see. If this is successful on all occasions, then both are given a potion which mildly effects the mood, such as a cheering potion or a drowsiness draught. Again, both are asked to identify the emotion felt by their bonded. If thoughts are able to be felt but not emotions, a Friendship or Sibling Bond is usually suspected. If thoughts cannot be understood but emotions can be, then one/both participants are tested and often found to be empaths. _

_The final stage, which is exclusive to Soul Bonds and therefore the conclusive test, is to test the individual's magical core strength apart, and then to test both at the same time, with skin-to-skin contact between the pair, such as holding hands. The overall total of the two individual's magical core apart, without touch, should be considerably lower than the score when the two are tested together, with skin-to-skin contact._

_This is clearly a lengthy and difficult process that cannot be forged. Therefore I should not be rude or mean to Nicolas and Perenelle, or in any way insinuate that their bond is false. I understand that if I do so again, none of the professors will be held responsible for the damage Nicolas may do to me._

Lily let out a little giggle at the end comment from the clearly repentant student. Still, the information sunk in and she couldn't help but groan loudly

"What?" Peter asked, his voice irritatingly squeaky on Lily's unsteady nerves "Are you alright?"

Of course. Peter didn't have a clue they were forging it. "Yeah." Lily said "Just a bit terrified. I'm meeting his parents this evening, and they're taking him to St. Mungo's for the first stage of the test. I suppose they'll have to test me as well, to make it all watertight."

Peter patted her shoulder awkwardly, but Lily was glad for the show of support.

"Well, I ought to get these books to Sirius, James and Remus." Peter said, standing to his unimpressive height "Hey, you wouldn't happen to know where they might be, would you? The map... erm, forget about that... I just can't remember where they are, you see."

Lily filed that comment away to ask James about later, instead fumbling a little with the link in her mind, trying to pinpoint where James was without outright asking him. He seemed unusually quiet, anyway.

"They're... in a room with lots of house-elves... it's behind a picture of a fruit bowl... he's not being very talkative at the moment. Do you think you can find them from that?"

Peter had an awed look on his face "Yeah, thanks Lily."

He scurried off, and Lily decided she should take a shower and tidy up a bit. No doubt James parents would want to see the tower where their son spent much of his time, and Lily would die of embarrassment if they saw it in any state less than perfect.

Half way through her shower Lily remembered she had eaten the last pumpkin pasty, and if James's parents wanted anything other than tea without milk, they'd be somewhat disappointed. She would have to send an owl to the kitchens, asking for a hamper to be sent up.

Half an hour before his parents were due to arrive, the four Marauders piled through the portrait hole and stopped dead at the sight that greeted them.

The place positively gleamed. None of them had ever seen a place so clean, and they were no strangers to the Hospital wing. Pictures adorned previously blank walls, pictures which James realised with a jolt Lily must have taken out of memories. That was a complex charm to do – you had to first know the spell to pull a memory from your mind in a silvery, spindly strand, and then you had to know the charm to freeze the memory into a picture, and then you had to know the spell to make the picture move. James could have done it, but certainly not in the short time it had taken Lily.

There were pictures of just about every happy point of the past few years. There was even one of them out in the snow after the ball. James's eyebrows rose as he gazed at the picture of the two of them laughing breathlessly and staring up at the falling snow. The little picture versions of themselves seemed to occasionally dance to an unheard song, before falling into giggles and losing their rhythm.

Lily bit her lip and cautiously rested a hand on James's shoulder, peering over him at the picture he was staring at

"That's my favourite." She admitted shyly, twirling a strand of hair between her fingers

'_Really?' _James asked, and Lily almost gasped in relief. When he'd stayed so resolutely silent when she'd been trying to find him earlier for Peter, she'd worried that he would never speak to her again.

'_Really.'_ She returned, a little more boldly now she knew he wasn't going to brush her off

Suddenly James laughed out loud _'Brush you off? Lily, did you listen to a word I said earlier?'_

Lily stopped for a moment, suddenly realising why he'd been so silent. Her mind wandered to the letter, now safe again in the bottom of her trunk

_... make sure you let go once in a while..._

"Yes." Lily said in a sudden gust of air "Yes. Yes of course I would choose... choose you, you... what did you call me earlier? Oh yeah... you Muppet."

James turned to stare at her, eyes wide and mouth a little parted, revealing the slight gap in his front teeth.

"But..." James prompted after a moment, "You look like there's a 'but'."

Lily nodded slowly "Well, not to your question... it's just that..."

She pulled the parchment out of her pocket and handed it over, pointing to the third step. His eyes went wide and he stared at her

"And you only just saw fit to tell me this now?" He asked, voice high and sounding slightly hysterical

"Er... what the hell are you two talking about?" Sirius finally butted in

"Lily agreed to marry me." James said simply, although the wide grin on his face and sudden mood change from terrified to elated spoke differently.

Sirius stared at his best friend for a moment, before his eyes rolled back in his head and a dull 'thunk' announced his arrival on the floor.

"Shit! Sirius, not the time!" Remus yelped, kneeling down next to his friend and shaking his shoulder. Peter was still staring wide eyed at James and Lily, James was back to staring at the parchment, which announced that they needed to be able to share magic, and Lily was suddenly feeling like she'd been cheated out of the romantic proposal from a handsome prince that she'd dreamed about for years.

There was a dignified knock on the portrait, which swung open without further ado, admitting a tall, black haired woman who Lily was certain looked more regal than the queen, and a man with brown hair as messy as James's. The pair surveyed the scene for a moment, the man's eyes dancing like James's did when he'd just achieved a particularly ambitious prank, and the woman regarding her with as searching a gaze as James did when she tried to hide something from him.

Remus stopped shaking Sirius, finally giving up and glaring helplessly at the fallen Marauder.

"You must be Lily Evans." The woman said

A little voice that sounded suspiciously like James (and in fact most probably _was_ James) in the back of her head piped up

'_You are under arrest.'_

"It is a pleasure to meet you." The woman continued, looking a little put out at the slight smile on Lily's face

'_Anything you say can and will be used against you in the court of law.'_

"This is my husband, Charlus Potter, and I am Dorea Potter."

'_You have the right to an attorney, and if you cannot afford one, one will be provided for you.'_

Lily couldn't help it. With one baleful glare in James's direction she cracked up laughing.

Great.

Lily hoped these people didn't put too much stock into first impressions. Something told her that might just be a fool's hope.

* * *

_At some point, when I have more time, I'll polish this chapter up a bit. Hopefully it will suffice for the moment!_

_Please review!_


	9. Halos and Midnight Roses

I can't even begin to say how sorry I am for leaving this neglected for so long. To everyone who pestered me, begged me, pleaded with me and otherwise tried to get me to write more of this, thank you. You are the reason I kicked myself up the butt and told myself to post the next bleeding chapter of this (as Lily would say) damned thing. To anyone interested, the reason it's gone so long updated is because I'm officially healthy again, back in full time education, trying to fit in running four clubs for 11-13 year olds, working part time at a local school for children with autism, trying to fit in work experience, riding my horse, running, playing badminton and actually having time to see my friends every once in a while. Hence, I'm extremely busy, and writing is such a huge distraction for me that I have to pretty much not even think about it until I have a bit of spare time. Again, Sorry!

* * *

_"Isn't there a white knight upon a firey steed?"_

_'Holding Out for a Hero - Bonnie Tyler'_

* * *

"That was awful." Lily said as she threw herself onto the sofa with a groan "Truly, completely awful."

Sirius patted her on the head in a half pitying, half amused gesture before moving Lily's legs and folding himself onto the end of the sofa. Lily watched him for a moment.

"You look like a cat when you curl up like that." She told him, unaware of the reaction it would provoke.

"I do not!" Sirius yelped, jumping off the sofa and scowling at her. Remus and Peter in the background laughed.

Lily's eyebrows rose "Why have you taken that as an insult?"

Sirius pouted childishly and refused to answer. With a sigh, Lily propped herself up and looked over at Remus "How long until James gets back?"

Remus chuckled a little "Why should I know? I haven't a clue about how long it takes to test for Amortentia. Besides," He ribbed "Shouldn't you be the one who knows, what with being his fiancé and all?"

Lily's face involuntary curled into a little smile. It felt pretty reassuring to know that someone wanted her enough to marry her. At the same time, the situation wasn't exactly... fairytale. She shrugged at Remus, before concentrating on the link she shared with James.

'_How long are you going to be?' _Lily asked

She received a grumble in return _'I haven't a clue. They've only just given me the bloody potion, which tasted awful by the way, so that's at least another half an hour. No doubt Mother will be furious when the test comes back clear, and she can't blame you for this mess.'_

Lily sighed heavily. Merlin, how awfully boring.

"I can't believe you fainted, Sirius." Peter said as the four tried to pass the time waiting for James to return

"I can't believe you and Remus dragged me bodily the entire length of the Head's Tower to get me to James's room! What are you, muggles? Did you forget you had magic or something?" Sirius snarked "Gee, you'd think you didn't like me or something."

"Now where might you have gotten that idea from, Padfoot?" Remus muttered with a slight grin.

Lily giggled quietly. Damn it the suspense was really getting to her. Sirius shot her a betrayed look.

Still, this waiting was better than her meeting with James's parents had been. After the disastrous start, which she'd wildly claimed was the outcome of a botched tickling charm, which 'kept activating randomly', things had just deteriorated. She'd foolishly assumed that the only way it could go from the start was up, but that had been wrong.

She'd offered them tea or coffee and they'd looked at her like she was an alien. 'Don't you have Gillywater?' Mrs Potter had asked. Lily didn't even know what Gillywater was. Wasn't Gillyweed a plant that turned you into an amphibian for an hour? Why on earth would anyone want to drink that? They'd begrudgingly accepted tea in the end, and then looked at her like she was a Flobberworm when she handed them the tea in, god forbid, a _mug_ and not a cup and saucer.

Then she offered them cauldron cakes, only to discover James had eaten two whole packs (i.e. every single one in the cupboard) in the short time between the hous-elf delivering them and his parents arriving. Merlin only knew how. He had the good grace to look sheepish, but that didn't bring back those cakes. James's parents had to make do with some crumbling digestive biscuits. They weren't impressed.

James seemed to be either completely oblivious to the tension, or religiously ignoring it. Maybe he was used to it. It was clear to Lily that James's parents absolutely adored him, and had already decided she wasn't good enough for him. That was fine. She knew she wasn't good enough for him.

Then Sirius had finally come round, bounding into the kitchen without a single indication that he'd fainted in the first place, and enthusiastically hugged both Dorea and Charlus. He called them Auntie and Uncle. They acted to him as they acted to James; fondness and a surprisingly long fuse for their jokes and japes. Sirius pulled a few of the newly created photos off the wall, piling them onto the small kitchen table and excitedly regaling the Potter's with the numerous stories behind each image.

Lily had to allow that they did seem to enjoy looking through the pictures of their son, and adopted son... but then they got to the one of Lily and James after the ball, the one that was Lily's favourite, and Sirius didn't know the story behind that particular photo.

"Hey, when's this one from?" He asked innocently

"Oh... it's from just after the Yule Ball. It had just started snowing, and Lily loves the snow, so we went outside." James replied easily, glancing over it with a fond smile.

After that, the Potter parents lost the slight softness Lily had thought she'd seen during the photo show. With one icy glare in her direction, Dorea announced it was time for James's appointment at St. Mungo's.

"Finish your butterbeer, James." Charlus ordered, and James dutifully gulped down the rest of his drink before standing and following his parents back out of the kitchen, through the lounge/common room area and into the entrance hallway. Lily hung back, sending him a quick '_bye'_ through their link and then retreating to the study. James didn't reply verbally, either through the link or out loud, but Lily caught a fairly hefty amount of apology radiating off him. She wondered if his parents knew how much they were upsetting their precious son by being rude to her.

It made her feel quite smug, actually.

"Earth to Lily?" Remus asked, frowning at her "Are you alright?"

Lily nodded sheepishly "Yeah, just thinking about earlier... do you think they'll ever like me?"

It was Sirius who answered, backed by the nods of the other two "Of course they will, Lils. You just have to remember that all their lives, they've had to protect their family against people who only want to associate with them for their name and influence. They've always wanted to wrap James in cushioning charms so he never gets hurt... and you're a very real possibility for him to get hurt. Once they get to know you, and realise that you'd never just use James for money or connections, they'll warm up to you. Charlus is actually pretty funny, and Dorea's like the only real mother I have."

Suddenly Lily jumped with the overwhelming panic she felt from James.

'_What is it? What's the matter?' _She asked, eyes going wide as she tried to wade through his emotions

'_Someone's given me Amortentia!' _She finally received.

Her mouth dropped open, both literally and figuratively.

'_The healer's are trying to work out who it was aimed at...' _James continued _'It shouldn't be too difficult.'_

Lily turned to the three Marauders, who were all staring at her in worry, and explained. Cries of outrage were heard, but there wasn't anything they could do. They knew there was no way Lily Evans would give James Potter a love potion of any kind, but if the healers couldn't find a definite signature on the potion, which would tell who the potion's creator was... well, everyone would just assume it had been Lily.

'_My parents have said they're going to keep this quiet and out of the press... they've already decided it was you.' _James told her after a tense moment

'_But... you know it wasn't right?' _Lily

James's familiar laugh floated through the link _'Merlin, Lily, have a bit of faith in me, won't you? Of course I don't think you did it. But... I can't think of anyone who would do this. I've certainly not had any unusual feelings towards anyone of late.'_

Lily frowned in concentration. No strange feelings, and yet he'd been given Amortentia. If the potion had been brewed correctly then he would have, about a minute after its consumption, desperately wanted to be near the person the potion was keyed into. The Amortentia must have been brewed correctly; else the tests wouldn't work, right?

She stood and looked at the Marauders. Strangely, they'd somehow become her friends... without her realising. How awkward. She tugged at a strand of hair for a moment, before whirling away into the kitchen, hopping up on the side board and reaching above the cabinet, pulling out a box of crystallized pineapple and blowing the dust off it. The smiling face of Mrs Honeyduke beamed up at her, surrounded by pictures of the famous sweets. The lady waved, winked, and then vanished.

Lily gave it a rattle just to be sure there was enough in there to convince the Professor. With a guilty glance at the three Marauders, who were now lounging on the chairs surrounding the breakfast table, Lily transfigured a dishcloth into an ornate silver-coloured metal box, lining it with red tissue paper transfigured from a spoon, and then ripped off the packaging around the pineapple.

Three sets of eyebrows rose as Lily deposited the shop-bought pineapple into the transfigured dishcloth-and-spoon-box.

Lily frowned in concentration as she charmed the pineapple a little sweeter than the shop bought stuff, and removed the charm that helped make the sweet last longer. It only dulled the flavour, and Lily knew Slughorn would eat the entire contents within the week.

She took another spoon and turned it into a lid for the box, before grinning at her creation.

"You think it looks homemade?" She asked, waving it under their noses with a flourish

Sirius grinned widely "My, my, Evans. How long have you been giving ol' Sluggy 'homemade' pineapple?"

Lily turned her nose up with a sniff "I have no idea what you're talking about." She claimed, although her mouth twitched upwards. She slipped her shoes on and shrugged on her robe, and then she was gone. As the portrait hole closed, she faintly heard Sirius comment

"If she wasn't Prongsie's girl, I'd go after her myself."

It didn't take her long to get to Slughorn's office. She knocked once and entered at his call, smiling sweetly at him and presenting him with the box of 'homemade' pineapple.

"Oho! Oh goodie goodie!" He chirped "My very favourite thing!"

Lily smiled widely, years of the same tactic numbing her guilty feelings. "Well... I know how much you like it, Professor."

Slughorn was already munching away, and offered Lily a cup of tea simply by way of waving his hand towards the tea set in the corner. Lily made herself a cup quickly, mainly so she'd have something to hold in her hands and prevent her from fidgeting.

"Sir, if Amortentia had been brewed wrong, would it still show up on the healer's tests?" She plunged straight in. Slughorn looked up from his pineapple and stared at her for a moment.

"Lily, you understand that if you weren't my favourite pupil, I wouldn't be able to answer that. That's classified information, my dear."

Lily did her best to look sheepish "Sorry... if you can't tell me I suppose I could search a bit more in the library..."

It didn't take long for Slughorn to cave and share his considerable knowledge.

"The test substance, a drop of Sunlight from a Sun Flower, binds with the Midnight Rose petals, which are the final ingredient of the Amortentia, and are used singularly in its creation. As I'm sure you know, the Rose petals are a very volatile thing, and adding them to anything other than a perfect Amortentia potion will result in them exploding. Thus, the test actually only tests for the presence of Midnight Rose, but as Midnight Rose is used for nothing but Amortentia, and it explodes when used in anything but a successful potion, it is a conclusive test for Amortentia."

"Oh." Lily let out a sigh "Sir, I'm sure you know James is at St. Mungo's now, being tested. He's just told me the test has come back positive to Amortentia. I swear, sir, I swear on my life I didn't give him it. You know how much I didn't like him before we became friends. But he says he's not had any weird feelings towards anyone, so how could he have been given Amortentia if he doesn't feel any different?"

Slughorn stared closely at her, and Lily sipped her tea to stop herself fidgeting. After a long moment, Slughorn sat back with a little 'huh'.

"You know, Lily, what you have with James really is something special." He said after a moment "The only way to counteract correctly made Amortentia is to have a soul bond with another person. James must have been given the potion keyed into someone other than you, but because you and he share a strong enough bond, it hasn't affected him."

Lily blinked. Huh. Well, that was obviously wrong, because they didn't have a soul bond in the first place. Not that she could tell Slughorn that.

"But sir, everyone's going to assume it was me who gave him the potion, so they won't do any more tests and find out the truth!" Lily said instead

Slughorn chuckled "Lily, my dear, it seems your information might be a little dated. All that will happen is James will have to stay in St. Mungo's until the Amortentia is out of his system. He will then be re-tested, and if he then comes up clear and still claims to feel the same way about you, then they will continue to the next stage."

"Oh." Lily said, letting out a little puff of relieved air "Thank you, sir. I'm so nervous about it." Yeah, Lily thought, isn't that the understatement of the century!

"Not to worry, Lily, not to worry. Is there anything else I can help you with?"

Lily shook her head and drank the last of her tea. "No, thank you, Professor. I'll leave you in peace now, sir."

Slughorn smiled and saw her out of the door.

'_They can't get a reading on it.' _James's voice rang out in her mind _'My parents look a little too smug for my liking.'_

'_What do you mean, James? Too smug? You don't... you don't think _they've_ given it to you, do you?' _Lily asked

James was silent for a moment, and when he replied he sounded graver than before _'I hate to think they might have done, but in their eyes they would be doing the right thing for me. I think it's a possibility. It would explain why it's not keyed in to anyone. They made the Amortentia, but they didn't bind it to any specific person, so while I had it in my system, it didn't affect me. It just showed up on the test.'_

Lily groaned out loud _'Bloody hell. Your parents really don't like me, do they?"_

'_They just... don't know you yet, Lils.'_

Right, Lily thought. It has nothing to do with being a muggleborn with no social standing, or 'stealing' their son away from an arranged marriage or anything like that at all.

Lily hurried back to the Head's Tower to tell the remaining Marauders what was happening. They all listened silently, but when Lily proposed the possibility of Mr and Mrs Potter's involvement, Sirius protested vehemently.

"They wouldn't." He snarled "They're good people."

Lily shrugged uncomfortably "It wasn't my idea. James suggested it."

No one knew quite what to say.

Lily milled around, compulsively tidying and fidgeting all day, getting the occasional report from James that nothing much was happening at his end. The other three Marauders decided they couldn't stay cooped up in the Head's Tower all day, and went out to do whatever it was they did with their free time. Around five o'clock, James finally announced they'd re-tested him after giving him the counter potion, and he was officially Amortentia free. Apparently his parents were fretting, and James wanted to push to get the rest of the tests done before his parents had a chance to meddle any more. He reckoned it must have been in the butterbeer his father told him to 'finish up' just before they left for St. Mungo's.

'_Floo to St. Mungo's now, Lily, before they think of something else. We'll do the second test – the sight and emotions one, and hopefully it'll be too late in the day to do the final test with the magical core strength. We'll have until tomorrow to come up with a way around it.'_

Lily's stomach flopped like a dying Flobberworm as she stepped out of the emerald flames and into St. Mungo's reception.

"Can I help you?" The lady behind the desk asked

"Yeah... I'm here for the soul bond test..."

The entire room went silent, as everyone craned their necks to see 'Lola' Evans, the girl who had given Amortentia to poor James Potter. Lily went a fire-engine red and stared at her shoes.

"Down the hall, fourth door on the right." Came the clipped reply from the receptionist.

Down the hall, fourth door on the right turned out to be a white, clean, examination room. Lily knocked, and went in. James was sat on the examination bed, scowling. Charlus and Dorea looked worried, sat in the chairs provided. The healer was an elderly lady with a tag that read Healer Carlton.

"You must be Lily Evans." Healer Carlton said "Come, sit next to James. We'll test you quick, and then if you're clear, we'll move on to the next phase."

Gingerly, Lily levered herself up next to James, glancing at him out of the corner of her eye. He grinned at her, and slightly reassured she allowed the healer to perform a series of spells over her, that caused a strange buzzing feeling in her fingers and toes.

"All clear, dear."

"Thanks." Lily mumbled.

She was led into a separate room by a younger healer, and sat on a similar examination bed.

'_They're showing me a picture of a love heart. Can you believe it? How ridiculous is that? What is this place, cliché central?' _Came James's voice in her head

She snickered as she relayed the information to the healer in front of her "He says they're showing him a picture of a love heart and he's not impressed with how clichéd that is."

The young healer stared at her with wide eyes and a slack jaw, before hurriedly scribbling it down on his clipboard. Obviously they hadn't been expecting any kind of result.

This continued for about two hours; James being shown a picture or object, and Lily telling the healer what James could see. Then they would swop, and Lily would see the object or picture and James would tell the healer what it was. It seemed a pointless exercise after they got the first five right, but the healers it seemed were insistent in being thorough.

Next, Lily was given a vial of drowsiness draught, and James a vial of pepper-up potion, and then they were asked to describe the emotion the other was feeling. It was easy, and Lily knew that after being given twelve different potions each, no one would be able to dispute the outcomes.

"Alright." The healer in front of her finally said "I think you've passed." He glanced at his watch and frowned "I don't think we'll have time to finish the third phase today. You'll have to come back tomorrow."

Lily nearly cried in relief.

James's parents wouldn't even look at her as they stood in the queue for the Floo. Dorea and Charlus flooed to 'Potter Mansion', while James and Lily both called out 'Head's Tower, Hogwart's'. Lily stumbled as she stepped out and grabbed onto James to steady herself. James chuckled, and Lily sent him an annoyed scowl.

"Just because I'm new to all this." She grumbled

James pulled his face into a mockery of sincerity "I said not a word, Lils."

Lily rolled her eyes and threw herself onto the sofa, staring up at the ceiling of the Head's tower and wondering what the hell they were going to do about the third test.

"We're screwed." James said, voicing her unsaid question with a frank answer

Lily glanced over to James out of the corner of her eye, watching him moodily poke the fire with the iron poker. Her dad used to say that there was nothing better for a man's mind than being sat by a fire on a winter's night with nothing better to do.

"Your dad was a wise guy."

"Stop snooping." Lily returned, half-heartedly "Any way, got any grand plans? C'mon, Batman, how are we going to get out of this one?"

"Batman? Who's that?"

"Muggle thing." Lily sighed

"Oh. Well, no, I haven't a clue what we're going to do."

They needed to have a score together, which was greater than their individual scores added together. So they needed to... c'mon, Lily, she thought to herself, think outside the box.

"We need our scores individually to be less than our scores together." Lily mused

James dropped the poker and jumped up, startling Lily "Lils, you're an absolute genius! I think I love you! All we have to do is suppress our magic a bit when they test us separately, and then let our magic go when they test us together! You and I are both above average magically, so we can afford to lower our scores a little without them noticing, and then it'll seem like we have more magic together than we do apart! Haha, we'll have cheated their stupid little system! I'll be back in two seconds, stay right there!"

Lily stared after him, as he burst out through the portrait, robes flapping, and wondered if he'd really just said he loved her. And then she wondered if she was being stupid taking 'I think I love you', when said in the way James had, in the same context as 'I love you, and I want to marry you, and I want to live the rest of my life with you'. And then she realised she was marrying him, so then she made herself a cup of tea and tried to slow her rapidly increasing heart rate to something a little more normal.

Damn. She really, really needed to get a grip of herself. Even Petunia never got herself in such a fuzz. And there, she was all calmed down. Funny how the thought of being worse than her sister could fix her in no time.

Lily pondered how she could 'suppress' her magic, like James had said. That sounded like something that took time to learn. Was this going to be an all-nighter just to have the time to learn the technique? And if so, would taking a pepper-up affect the test results?

Deciding there was a chance she wouldn't have time for anything later on, Lily treated herself to a nice hot bubble bath and set her hair in rollers, her feet in fluffy slippers and her toes in foam toe-holders so they wouldn't smudge their new toe-nail polish, done in a Gryffindor red.

'_Where are you, and when are you getting back?' _Lily sent to James, now waiting impatiently for him on the couch

'_Just been to the library for a few books, although I've had to, uhm, borrow them without the dear librarian's notice in case this all goes to trial and they think it's a bit funny that we've borrowed books on-'_

'_Yes, yes, go on.' _Lily interrupted, stressed by the mention of court

'_Alright, keep your knickers on, Lils.'_

What followed was clearly something James hadn't meant to send her, and had her face redder than her new toe-nails. Jesus, did he really have so little control over his thoughts that he had to send her an x-rated image of her, er, not keeping her knickers on? Damn it, how was she ever going to look him in the eyes again without turning into a tomato?

'_Shit.'_ He finally sent _'Can we forget about that? Please?'_

'_Yeah. Yeah, that's a good idea.' _Lily couldn't think of anything better than a nice little side-trip to Denial Land. That had been how her mother had always coped with things.

'_Thanks. I'll be back in about five minutes. I've brought more cauldron cakes.'_

Lily rolled her eyes in the empty tower. He'd brought more cauldron cakes, and he'd have eaten them before they had time to sit in the cupboard. Honestly, it was an absolute miracle he wasn't as big as a Hungarian Horntail and as squishy as a pygmy puff. Unbidden, she found herself picturing James, middle-aged and a little rounder around the middle, glasses slipping down his nose and Daily Prophet in hand.

She was still giggling as James came through the portrait hole, four books under one arm and mouth full, and crumbs on his jumper, looking sheepish.

"Thu cowdrun ca'es arr gone." He announced, dumping the books on the coffee table and throwing himself into the armchair, swallowing noisily "Dunno where they went, though."

Lily raised an eyebrow and suppressed a smile. He was pretty funny when he wasn't trying.

"Don't speak with your mouth full." She said, on principle. Just in case he thought she was going soft, or something.

James threw her a lopsided grin and leant forward, shuffling through the books he'd brought with him and pulling one out, accidentally pulling the binding off it and then shrugging, dropping the binding on the table and flicking the now un-bound pages open. Lily watched on with increasing horror.

"Episkey!" She breathed out, flicking her wand "Episkey!"

James glanced up and stared at her for a moment "Lily, that's a spell that only works on living things."

Lily blinked, "Oh."

James rolled his eyes fondly and finally settled on a page, skimming his finger down it and pointing out the passage that related to their situation.

"Here, listen to this: '... magic is a limb, of such, a metaphysical one which, after a sudden moment of realisation which can be achieved for some in moments, for others never even in a lifetime, can be controlled with the likeness of a physical limb – an arm or a leg or so on. All one must learn is the ability to move this limb, akin to learning to walk as a child.'."

Lily frowned as she tried to pick out the useful information from the old fashioned waffle "So basically, our magic is sort of like the arm we never learnt to move?"

James nodded "I think so."

"And it could take as little as a moment and as long as a lifetime to learn how to move it?"

"Yeah."

Well, Lily thought, leaning back onto the sofa and staring upwards at the ornate ceiling, that idea was out. They could waste Merlin only knows how long trying to achieve that technique, and the likelihood would be they would never achieve it anyway. And even if they did, how would being able to 'move' their magic help at all with making it smaller? Lily could move her arm, but she sure as hell couldn't shrink it. At least, not without her wand.

"That won't help, James."

James nodded slowly "That's the conclusion I'd come to, but I wanted you to look at it just in case. Here, this is the next one: '... magic, theoretically then, must be infinitesimally huge to achieve these feats, and yet must also be able to be present in the tiny cells of a zygote, first conceived in its mother's womb, else energy would have to be created at some point in the life of the child, which completely breaks the law of conservation of energy...'."

Lily nodded "I see where they're coming from... but what's to say the magic in the body isn't actually somehow taken in from the surroundings, and more channelled through the body, rather than stored in the body?"

James looked out of his depth, instead choosing to pick up the next book and leaf through to the next passage "And this one: '... were magic, in fact, not an actual thing which we are unable to perceive, yet know it exists all the same, but instead the act of breaking the laws of nature, then theoretically anything must be possible once magic has been accounted for. If this is in fact true, then could magic be both large and small at the same time? Yet, for it to have a magnitude, it must be a quantity, however to reach the question posed above we have had to suppose magic is not a quantity, but an action. Hence, if we are grouping magic to be the entire actions of breaking the laws of nature, then it is possible for it to be both large and small at the same time...'."

Lily moved to stand over James's shoulder. Her eyes flicked back and forth as she tried to fully wrap her mind around the concepts; for so long she'd considered magic some kind of thing, rather than an action, that it was all but inconceivable to her that it could be anything but an intangible object.

"Alright. What's the next one?"

James pulled the last book out and flicked it open, before clearing his throat "... were Jolterings to be correct in his writings'," James paused, and pointed to the book he'd just read from "That's Jolterings, by the way. Anyway... oh here I was... 'Correct in his writings, then it stands to reason that if no magic were being performed by the subject, no magic could be recorded by any magic-detecting device. However, there are many reliable tests, which when performed on a muggle return with a negative result, and when performed on a magical-being return with a positive result, no matter what magic the subject is or isn't performing at the time. Hence, these tests must either not record magic itself but the potential to perform magic, or the theory Jolterings presents must be false...'."

Lily re-read that passage, straining her brain to understand the theories being presented. She still couldn't see how these linked together and how on earth that would get her anywhere.

"But that can't be right." Lily mused "Because when you've done a lot of magic, say a Patronus charm for a long period of time, your magic becomes depleted, and you feel tired."

James sat up straight and stared at her, and Lily could almost hear his brain working. Her eyes flicked between his, desperately wanting to know what he'd worked out, but not wanting to intrude on his thoughts while he ordered them. Her mother always did that to her, whenever she was trying to think things through, her mother would pop in with some kind of annoying comment that would knock her completely off track.

"Lily... how long do you think we have between them testing us together, and then testing us apart?" He finally asked, slowly.

Lily clicked what he was getting at "You mean, would we have time to go and perform some kind of very difficult spell between the time they measured us together and the time they measured us apart? Good idea... but they test us apart first, and then together after that, to prevent anyone doing just that – going out of the room to somewhere private and casting four Patronus charms at the same time to drain their magic."

James slumped down again, shaking his head a little "I guess I see what you mean. Besides, if you really wanted to drain your magic, you'd want a dementor. They're the only things that make a massive difference to your magic levels in a short enough amount of time, right?"

Lily smiled slowly, like a cat that had suddenly worked out how to open the fridge door and get the cream out for itself. "James, what do you give someone who has suffered a dementor attack?"

"... Chocolate...?"

Lily's smile widened "And that makes them feel better by instantly boosting their magic, right?"

"...Yeah...?"

"Hence, what instantly boosts your magic, James?"

James was silent, staring at her as if not sure her theory would work, or if it was just too insanely simple to possibly be right. Then he grew a grin to match hers

"Shit, Lily, you're an absolute genius. Merlin had nothing on you."

Lily blushed and glanced down, reaching to twiddle with a strand of hair in embarrassment "Ohh, I'm not sure about that, James... but, er, thanks, I guess."

After that, it was simply a matter of working out how much chocolate they needed to boost their collective score by the amount expected were a soul bond present, and how long the effects of the chocolate would last. The spell to test magic levels also took some perfecting. Eventually, after much chocolate had been, erm, tested, it was concluded that about four squares of Honeyduke's Dark was the most effective way of increasing the score given by a magical test, and that Honeyduke's Dark would last almost two hours, while the limited edition white chocolate frogs were the worst, increasing it dramatically but for only a maximum of fifteen minutes.

Feeling like she might turn into a little square of chocolate if she ate a single more piece, Lily hauled herself off the floor by the fire, teasingly ruffled James's hair on her way past, put her mug down in the kitchen sink, and fell into bed, knowing it would be an early morning after a late night, and not looking forward to it at all.

Who knew chocolate really was the answer to her problems?

Unbidden, a long-forgotten daydream drifted into her mind. Some un-faced, but undoubtedly handsome man on one knee in front of her, in his hand a sparkling ring. The setting was blurry; it had been changed so many times before as she grew up, that Lily could no longer recall the one she had settled one. Then there was the beautiful white wedding, with her father giving her away and her mother crying and her sister (however petty it might be, excuse the pun) looking like a green eyed monster was lurking below her makeup. Then the scene morphed again, and Lily rode away into the sunset on a white horse, arms lovingly around the waist of her new husband.

Lily rolled over, her good mood gone. She slithered further under the covers, and stared silently at the blackness of her room. Her hair was a red pool on the pale pillow behind her, and the silence was deafening. She didn't like silence. She never had. As the tears stung her eyes, she wondered with detached thought if maybe it would be better if she made a noise as she cried. Then she wondered what sound tears would make, if they made a noise. Then she let out a harsh, barking laugh into the silence, and rolled over. She was just being silly. She was just a silly little girl.

The door creaked as it slowly swung open, and James peered into the gloom, his shape softened and sharpened by the light behind him and the dark in front of him.

"Lily?" He whispered

She stayed silent. She was asleep, she chanted to herself. Asleep, asleep, asleep.

James chuckled quietly "Alright, you daft chit. You pretend to be asleep. See you in the morning, Lily. Night."

He closed the door again, and Lily remained frozen, certain he was waiting by the door to pounce in when she so much as gave a hint she might be still awake. Her tears had mostly dried now, and she pondered the picture James made, haloed by light, peering into the darkness, and found herself crying all over again for the world they were soon to be set free into, and crying that human nature couldn't be more forgiving and less deceitful.

The door creaked open again, and this time James seemed to think she was asleep. He tiptoed across the floor, expertly avoiding the creaky floorboards in a way that made her certain he'd done this before. He knelt on the floor near her face, reaching a gentle hand across to sweep a lace of hair out of her eyes.

"Oh Lily." He whispered, and his voice was sad "I wish you could see how beautiful this world is. I wish you could see how beautiful you make this world. Do you know how it feels, to watch, to feel you hurt like this? To know you're worrying over problems that aren't your own to fix? Can't you see how many good things there are, how many rights there are for each wrong? And Lily..." He paused for an immeasurable amount of time, and Lily had to all but force herself to maintain a steady breathing pattern else James would have known immediately how tense, and how very awake she was. "I wish you knew how much I love you."

She couldn't help it. Her eyelids snapped open, and she stared into his eyes with a clarity in her green orbs that portrayed just how clearly and just how much of his little confession she had heard.

Damn it all to hell.

* * *

Thanks for reading, please leave a review!


	10. Spades and Neatly Pressed Robes

_So, here's the usually excuses why I haven't updated sooner: my grandma, who I lived with for much of last year and I was very close to, unexpectedly passed away - it's actually her funeral today, but I thought I ought to keep my mind off it if I could. I'm reading a poem I've written at her funeral, and I'm pretty nervous. Needless to say this chapter hasn't been as thoroughly checked as some of the others, and so please do tell me if you spot a mistake! Hope you enjoy this, and I hope you don't all hate me within the first paragraph!_

* * *

_'Flying: Falling without hitting the ground'_

* * *

Lily stared in horror at James, and he stared right back, mirroring her expression. Then, with a lurch, Lily grabbed her wand off the bedside table and pointed it shakily at James.

"Oblivate." She whispered, and let a huge gust of air out as she watched his expression smooth and slacken as the spell removed his memories of the past few minutes, replacing them with a generic good-night conversation between the two of them.

"Sorry, blanked out for a moment there, Lily." James said, shaking his head like a wet dog and then noticing the wand in her hand "What you got that pointed at me for?" He asked, confused

Lily's eyes widened "Erm, uh, um..."

James frowned "Lily, you haven't been messing around casting spells on my hair, have you? It seemed less messy recently..."

"Ah..." Lily mumbled out

James rolled his eyes, seeming to take her speechlessness for a confession and stood up "Well, see you in the morning, Lils. Sleep well." He told her softly, heading for the door. Then he paused and turned, throwing her a lopsided smile "And you leave my hair alone, alright?"

Lily nodded mutely and put her wand on the bedside table again, lying back down. The door shut with a click, and Lily started counting to one thousand in French, to keep her mind off what she had just done. And to stop James picking it up through their link. At about seven hundred and forty, she slipped blissfully into the world of dreams, none of which made any sense at the time, and none of which she would remember when she woke.

* * *

Lily woke early, mostly due to nerves, and took a soothing shower. She dressed and did all her morning necessities, then headed to the window to take the newspaper off the post owl. Flicking through it as she boiled water for her morning tea, Lily was greatly relieved to find relatively little about her and James's... relationship, for lack of better word. There was a small article a few pages in, but Lily wasn't too worried. She'd been hoping they wouldn't be on the front page again.

James slouched into the kitchen, his pyjama bottoms slung low on his hips and his pyjama top creased and twisted. His eyes were sleepy and his manner was, Lily had to admit, adorable.

"Tea?" He asked, voice rough "Please?"

Lily took pity on him, her stomach lurching in guilt (oh Merlin, had her spell caused him to have some kind of spell-hangover?), and poured him a mug. He took it and slurped, letting out a sigh and sitting on one of the little chairs that surrounded the breakfast table. Lily rummaged through the cupboard and with a small sound of triumph pulled out a loaf of bread and used her wand to slice it and then toast a few of the slices. Setting two slices each on two plates, and grabbing the marmalade from the cupboard, Lily set the table for breakfast.

James eyed the food which had appeared in front of him and then smiled widely at Lily, who suddenly knew how a moth felt when it looked at a flame. Then she blushed a little and busied herself with spreading her marmalade.

"So what time do we have to be at Mungo's for?" James asked, in between one slice of toast and the other, and sounding decidedly more human and less troll-like.

Lily frowned "Actually, I don't think we were told. They'll probably send us an owl."

Then she started worrying. What if they didn't send an owl, and they were late? Then James's parents would think even worse of her than they already did! And, what if they missed their slot at St. Mungo's, so they were never able to 'prove' their innocence?

James rolled his eyes "Lily, sunshine, they'll send an owl. Don't worry."

Lily looked at him for a moment, and then for lack of anything else to say, told him "I'm not 'sunshine'!"

James just chuckled.

Not long after James had finished his breakfast and retreated to his room to get ready for the day, an owl did turn up. It was a huge brown owl with intelligent amber eyes, and the letter it was carrying was stamped with a wax seal. Lily took it off the bird and offered the bird some water in a little dish. The letter smelt faintly girly, and Lily scowled, figuring it was probably James's fiancé. The other one, that wasn't her. The French, pretty, wealthy, pureblood, half-vela one. And she was probably blonde as well.

"James?" She called "Letter for you!"

James stumbled out of his room, hopping as he tried to put his second sock on. He took the letter off her, took a whiff and promptly scowled at it.

"Apolline." He muttered as he broke the seal and unfurled the parchment, smoothing it out in his hand. He shifted so Lily could read it over his shoulder, and Lily was grateful she didn't need to do any kind of covert spying to find out what the French girl had sent.

_Darling James,_

_I wanted to send you this before your parents try to set a meeting up between the two of us and change anything, or make either of us say things we do not mean to say. Firstly I want you to know I have sent this letter the moment I received the news of your soul bond with this Lola girl – you know there is a time lag between our two countries sharing their news with the other. _

_James, you know of my heritage. I am well aware you are perhaps not widely enough read to fully understand the implications of my vela blood, but you must certainly be aware that I am a sensual creature, driven by lust and love, by my very nature. Such a thing is taboo to mention in our circles, I know, but I know you are a sensible enough person to realise that in such a time as this, given the circumstances, I would be prudent to be blunt and avoid miscommunication where possible. _

_James, if you truly have found a soul bond with this girl, then you must hold onto it with all you have. Love such as that is sacred and rare, and I would sooner live the rest of my life as an old kneezle lady than come between the two of you if this truly is the case. If there is anything I can be of assistance with, please just let me know._

_Wishing you all the best and hoping you will keep me updated,_

_Apolline_

_Xxx_

Lily reeled in surprise. Clearly she had massively misjudged this girl. Despite her shallowness and spoilt nature, the girl must have a good heart.

"Wow." James said, sounding shocked "And to think I thought she was a complete bitch. Although she did get your name wrong, but I guess that's the Prophet's fault."

Lily nodded "Do you think... do you think I should send her a letter, to say thank you?"

James paused, and then nodded slowly "You know, I think she would like that."

Lily nodded, and headed into the study.

It took Lily half an hour to write the letter in the end, what with the numerous drafts she ripped up and fed to the fire before she had a copy she was happy with. How did you write a thank you letter to the fiancé of your to-be-fiancé, who thought you and your to-be-fiancé shared a soul bond when actually you didn't?

She had just opened the window to let the owl out which was to deliver the letter to Apolline, when another flew in carrying a letter with a St. Mungo's seal on it.

* * *

"Morning, darling. Did you sleep well? Have you eaten your breakfast? Goodness, James, are those freshly washed and pressed robes? My, you are an organised young man, aren't you?" Dorea cooed at her son. James's nose wrinkled and his ears pinked in what Lily knew to be embarrassment.

"Oh, er, Lily's the organised one." James mumbled "She's the one who makes sure my robes are washed and pressed and not left in a pile in the common room."

Dorea's lips pinched and she fell into awkward silence. Charlus eyed Lily speculatively for a moment, but when he noticed his wife's glare, returned his stare to the blank wall of the waiting room in front of him. Lily squirmed uncomfortably for a moment, but then took a deep breath and centred herself. What would her mother have said, if she'd seen Lily _squirming_ in _public_, in front of people such as Charlus and Dorea Potter no less? Lily could hear her mother's scowl even now. With that in mind, Lily spent the remainder of the time waiting in perfect, composed silence, which had James eyeing her curiously until she sent him a poke through the link, reminding him it wasn't exactly considered polite to stare at her, especially when he didn't seem to have any kind of reason to do so.

"Sorry." He said sheepishly, and Lily rolled her eyes

"It's fine." She told him. "Just be patient; it won't be much longer now."

Charlus and Dorea had gone pale, and both looked decidedly worried by the time they were called through by an elder gentleman wearing healer's robes.

"We would like to have these final tests completed and on file as soon as possible." The healer told them in clipped tones "Ms Evans, if you would please go through the door behind me and wait there, a healer will be through with you in a short while. Mr and Mrs Potter, I'm afraid you will have to wait outside as too many magical signatures in the testing room can alter the result. We will call you through in a short time. Young Mr Potter, please wait here with me."

Offering James a shaky smile, Lily did as requested and went through the door behind the no-nonsense healer to find a room almost identical to the one she had been in previously. She perched on one of the chairs and looked around with wide eyes. What were they going to do? How would they test her? And would they get found out for cheating the test with chocolate, of all things?

"Ah, hello deary." A plump lady ambled into the room, closing the door behind her, "I'm Healer Lafferty. All I need to do is perform a simple spell, one you'll have likely learnt in charms, alright dear? You won't even feel it."

Lily nodded, and the kindly healer cast the charm with no further ado. She scrawled the number down on a piece of parchment and looked back up at Lily "A very respectable score, young lady. Now then, I do expect Healer Young will be done with Mr Potter now, I'll just go and check..."

The lady went back through the door to the room with James in it, and Lily took the opportunity to fish the chocolate out of her pocket and eat it hastily. Then, as they'd discussed, faked a loud coughing fit that had both healers running back through to check she was alright.

"Sorry." Lily told them, red from her fake coughing fit "I'm alright now."

_Done_. James announced, as he too joined them in the room. _And it was pretty nice chocolate if I do say so myself._

Lily smiled at him, and he smiled back. Keep bluffing, keep bluffing, keep bluffing, Lily chanted to herself. It'll be alright. She had to believe it would be alright.

"Okay, now if you would both please hold hands..." Healer Young asked

Perching on the armrest of the chair Lily sat on, James took her hand, and it felt clammy in Lily's, as she was sure her's did to him. They were both nervous about this, to give the understatement.

The charm was cast again on each of them, and then the number recorded on their respective pieces of parchment. And then again, and again, and again, and when Healer Young went to cast it for the fifth time, Healer Lafferty stepped in with a wry smile on her face.

"Healer Young, don't you think perhaps there is a time when, if all the evidence points conclusively towards one thing, it is somewhat childish to not, as it were, call a spade a spade?"

Healer Young's shoulders slumped.

Lily and James shared a glance.

They were led back into the waiting area, where Charlus and Dorea were sat tensely. The other occupants all turned with eager expressions on their faces, fully aware that they were about to be the witnesses to some very juicy gossip.

"Soul bond." Healer Young announced in a crisp and decidedly annoyed tone, which carried clearly even over the sound of a baby crying and a woman in the corner talking to an invisible friend. There was silence for a moment, and then pandemonium. Lily and James were asked for autographs, and would they just pose holding hands, and perhaps, seeing as they were such a lovely young couple they wouldn't mind kissing for a photograph, and well, we always believed it was a soul bond right from the start, of course...

"Enough!" James shouted, eyeing Lily who was paling progressively and looking terrified "We're tired, and we have a meeting with Professor McGonagall in ten minutes, so if you'll excuse us, please, we would like to be on our way." He fibbed, pulling Lily towards the closest Floo point. With a pinch of green powder and a shout, they were gone from the hustle of St. Mungo's and back in the safety of the Head's Tower.

Lily sunk down on the sofa and stared dead ahead at the fire. James sat down next to her.

"Well." He said "Good thing that worked, eh?"

"You don't say, James, you don't say."

* * *

"Congratulations!" Sirius shouted, as the two head's met, on chance, the three remaining Marauders in the hallway by McGonagall's office

"How'd you know?" Lily asked, brows furrowed

Sirius let loose his bark-like laugh, Peter gave a giggle while James chuckled, and Remus allowed a small but sincere smile. "Lily," Remus explained "We're Marauders. We know everything."

"No, really." Lily huffed "How did you know?"

"Magic." Peter chipped in with

"Superior intelligence and excellent future-telling abilities." Was Sirius's contribution.

"Lily, we'd both be at the Ministry for questioning right now if something had gone wrong. At best, we wouldn't be both smiling and happy, now, would we?" James explained with a roll of his eyes.

"You're no fun now you're all loved up." Sirius grumbled. Lily reddened and her mind flew back to that little spell... Oblivate...

Then she steeled herself. No, she wasn't about to dwell on it. She'd done the right thing, given the circumstances... mostly, anyway, right? She couldn't have just, well, dealt with it, could she now? It would have ruined their friendship. It was the best thing to do. And he didn't seem to have suffered for it. Actually, she'd probably done him a favour by doing so, really.

"Lily, you're twiddling your hair again."

"Oh." Lily said, looking sheepishly at James "Just, er, caught in a daydream, y'know?"

James eyed her suspiciously for a moment, and then glanced at his watch "Damn it, we're late and we're actually stood outside her bloody office!"

As Sirius, Remus and Peter disappeared around the corner while Lily and James waited for McGonagall to invite them in, Lily heard Remus's voice, "James even said 'damn it'. He's defiantly spending too much time around her; I'm not sure it's healthy."

But Lily wasn't too worried – there was a tone of joking, light-hearted teasing that perhaps prior to her friendship with James she wouldn't have been able to recognize. Then the door swung open, and the familiar sound of a biscuit tin being rattled drew Lily into the homely office of her Head of House.

Pleasantries were exchanged with the same abrupt politeness always conducted by the woman in question, and then the awkward questions arose. Lily felt sure they could probably employ McGonagall as an interrogator at the Ministry; the Death Eaters would probably crumble in moments under her stare.

"Now then, of course because you are sharing the Head's Tower as it is, the school is not obligated to provide you two with housing suitable for students with a Soul Bond..."

Lily cut her off as politely as possible, but curiosity won out "Professor, do you mean that normally when students have a soul bond they are moved out of their dormitories?"

She was rewarded with a withering stare "Lily, you yourself know that you have no need for privacy from James, surely?" McGonagall asked, but her tone was more one of stating the obvious "You share thought space with him all the time."

Lily shrugged, knowing that ironically even though she didn't have a soul bond with James, they still shared thought space the vast majority of the time "Well, yes, but don't the students want to remain as normal as possible?"

Lily felt James cringe through their link, and turned questioning green eyes on him "What, James?"

"Ah, erm, Lily..." James stuttered "Look, er, a soul bond in our culture is considered, erm, much more sacred than a marital bond, sorta a one-up from marriage, see... and not living together is like a pair of newlyweds living in different houses..."

Lily turned bright red and squeaked out "Oh!"

Oh god did the whole student populace think she was having... she was... her and James were... that they were doing _things_? _Together_ kind of _things_? In the Head's Tower? Oh Merlin. Oh God. How was she ever going to face them ever again? Damn it she wished she'd never asked. How could this be happening to her?

James's hand catching her's and untangling it from her hair made her jump.

"Lily, breathe." James told her, a smirk twitching at his lips "But yes, they probably do."

Lily thought she might rather face You Know Who in a duel than ever see another Hogwart's student ever again.

Thank Merlin she didn't have to deal with the problem of James telling her he loved her as well. No matter how guilty it was making her feel, she was glad she'd done it.

Beside her, James stiffened for a moment. But Lily was busy nibbling on her Ginger Newt and worrying about her reputation, and she didn't notice.

* * *

James vanished off to wherever he went when he wasn't spending time with her soon after they left McGonagall's office, walking with her up to the Head's Tower only to retrieve his thick outer robes and a ratty old piece of parchment which he claimed he'd borrowed off Remus. Then he was gone, and kept surprisingly quiet through the link for the rest of the day.

Lily got through a fair few of her essays which had been piling up, gave the Tower a customary clean, and sat down to write her Christmas present list. She wasn't sure what on earth to buy people, but the days were creeping past her like silenced footfalls, and if she didn't get a move on she'd have some very embarrassing moments on Christmas morning.

Her teachers were easy – Christmas cards for all of them, a new tin of Ginger Newts for McGonagall, a modified Remembrall for Slughorn which she'd charmed some months ago to instead of turning red when you'd forgotten something, to morph into the thing you'd forgotten, if only for a few moments, before returning to its orb-like shape. Lily was quite proud of it. None of her other teachers were close enough to her to warrant a present, but she'd still write them all cards.

She had decided to buy something small for Remus, Peter, Sirius and Frank, and probably the easiest thing to do would be to call into Honeyduke's and buy whatever looked nice for them. It was James and her sister she was really stumped for.

After wasting far too much time worrying over it, and reaching no better conclusion, Lily grabbed her outer robes, slipped on her sturdy snow-boots and grabbed her purse, along with its contained galleons. With nothing else to do, Lily wrote a short note for James explaining she'd gone to buy Christmas presents in Hogsmeade; Lily wove her way through the castle and out into the beautiful but bitter cold winter's air.

She ambled slowly down to Hogsmeade, seeing no need to rush. The Highland scenery was breathtaking and Lily had no intention of missing any of it. The snow crunched underfoot and the icicles shone in the winter's sun, dripping occasionally to form little frozen mounds underneath. The trees of the Forbidden Forest were capped and draped in snow as if little duvets had been fitted to each and every one of them. The sky was that pale blue you never saw in summer, and the sun a more pale yellow than in autumn. Her breath formed clouds and for once, Lily lived only in the moment, enjoying the things she smelt and saw and touched and tasted rather than reliving or pre-living her life.

Just as she reached the outskirts of Hogsmeade, she was interrupted by the owl she now recognized as Apolline's. It landed on her shoulder causing Lily to stumble slightly at the unexpected added weight, and wobbled on one leg as it offered her a letter. Taking it gently and allowing the owl to remain perched on her, Lily unfurled it.

_Dear Lily,_

_First I would like to apologize for getting your name wrong! I was most embarrassed when I realised that once again your newspapers had reported events wrong and that I did not even know your real name. Secondly, I would truly love to meet you. You really seem a lovely girl, and though I may not love James, I have known him for many years and I would love to meet the woman he will marry. I assume we will meet at the Potter's New Year ball, but I'm sure you know how awkward those kind of events can turn out to be, and I think it would work in both of our favours if we did not have to meet for the first time when we are being watched by all of society. I would not blame you in the slightest if you harboured ill feelings of me – I was, after all, engaged to your bonded. _

_I have arrived in London only two hours ago– I am currently staying with an old friend in their flat in Diagon Alley. I seem to remember there being rules against Hogwart's students leaving Hogwarts or Hogsmeade unless with the express permission of a teacher, so perhaps we could meet soon in Hogsmeade? I am free any time, so at your convenience. _

_Looking forward to hearing from you and hopefully meeting you, but if this is not possible then a very merry Christmas, and I will see you at the Potter's ball._

_Apolline_

Lily frowned thoughtfully and refolded the letter, tucking it in her robe pocket. She made her way through Hogsmeade, heading for her usual haunt – The Green Teacup – a small cafe just off from the main street. Once inside, Lily had to make do without her normal seat, which had been taken by an elderly man who sat reading an equally aged book, sipping at some tea.

Lily ordered tea herself, and wondered if it was rude to ask Apolline to meet her right now. She supposed there was probably no harm in asking.

Her tea finished in record time, Lily detoured to Scriveshaft's, and bought one sheet of nice parchment and a self-inking quill, before sitting on one of the chairs at the back of the store to write a quick reply.

_Dear Apolline,_

_It was nice to hear back from you; when I wrote you the letter I have to admit I wasn't sure how you would react. Don't worry about thinking I was Lola – I've even had some of the little second year Hufflepuffs in school call me Lola, and I'm their Head Girl! I'm actually in Hogsmeade now, buying Christmas presents. If you wanted to Floo into the Three Broomsticks, I could meet you there? Of course, seeing as you've only just arrived in freezing cold Britain, I won't be at all offended if you wish to spend time getting settled in at your friend's. We could always arrange another time, but I think you're right; we do need to meet before the Potter's ball. _

_Hoping to see you soon,_

_Lily_

Apolline's owl had obviously been waiting, because just as Lily had finished and stepped outside again, the owl appeared, hooted once, and took the letter Lily offered to it, flying off. Lily felt the faint hum of magic from its wings, and realised with a jolt that it was some kind of magical owl which would have no trouble getting to London in a short amount of time. Not only was its owner obviously pretty, French, blonde, society and part Vela, she was also clearly very rich and probably spoilt too. Marvellous.

Assuming it wouldn't be long before she received Apolline's reply, Lily headed for Honeyduke's, where she browsed for a while before buying small gift-boxes containing a variety of treats for Remus, Peter, Sirius and Frank, as well as another box of pineapple in case she needed information out of Slughorn and some more Honeyduke's Dark in case they needed to fake a soul bond test again.

After that she headed for a little shop opposite Madam Puddifoot's, which sold extortionately priced pointless gifts usually bought by pureblood students who didn't know what to buy for their parents for Christmas or birthdays, as well as a selection of more reasonably priced cards and wrapping paper. There wasn't much selection left, seeing as most people had already bought the nice ones, Lily had the choice of either the more expensive ones which were charmed to self write and which caused a small flurry of snow to fall on the receive when they were opened (magical snow, of course, which was 'guaranteed to leave no marks, stains or otherwise damage it's victim!') or some really crummy looking ones which were nearly free and depicted magical mistletoe killing an unlucky couple who were entranced by it and had spent too long kissing under it.

Lily left the shop with considerably less money than she had entered it with, but there was no way she would ever give anyone a Christmas card which showed a couple dying on it. Merlin, were there actually people who bought that kind of stuff?

Apolline's owl reappeared; sharpening into focus from the brown blob it had been on the horizon. This time Lily was braced for its landing, and took the letter off it.

_Dear Lily,_

_That sounds lovely; I have to be honest, my old friend is one of those who fusses and flutters around and is rather getting on my nerves. Ember is a fast flyer, so you should receive this shortly after I write it. I will assume half two at the Three Broomsticks? Unless this is not alright, I will assume the plan is going ahead and I will meet you there. _

_Apolline_

Lily drew her wand as cast "Tempus!"

2:41

Lily gave a yelp of shock. She was late. She hated being late. She took off at a run for the Three Broomsticks, dislodging the owl she now knew to be Ember from her shoulder and stuffing the letter in her pocket as she ran. People tutted at her as she rushed past, but she made it to the Three Broomsticks in only three minutes. Taking a moment to compose herself at the door, Lily pushed it open and stepped into the warmth.

It wasn't difficult to spot the girl she was there to meet. She was sat in one of the window seats, and every male (and a few female) heads were turned in her direction. She was sipping a butterbeer and scowling down into it. Her nose was a little red from the cold, and Lily was forced to admit that even that couldn't make her ugly. It was infuriating.

Heaving a sigh Lily wove through the tables and stopped at the seat across from the blonde girl. She looked up and Lily was glad her eyes were a striking green, because if her eyes had been any kind of shade of blue, Lily would have undoubtedly been jealous of the vivid cerulean of this girl's eyes.

"Apolline?" Lily asked

The girl smile, and somewhere in the background came the sound of a glass being dropped

"Lily, I take it?"

Lily nodded slowly "Sorry I'm late." She said, but Apolline waved her off

"Please, have a seat." Apolline offered "Would you like anything to drink?"

Lily went to say no, thinking of the tea she'd only just drunk, then realised she'd want something to fiddle with in her hands when the conversation got awkward, and messing with her hair only made her look childish. She nodded and put her bags down on the floor. Apolline made to get up, but Lily smiled wryly.

"I think you'd probably stay sat down before they break anymore glasses, don't you?"

Apolline let a huge smile grace her face, and she appeared even more beautiful than before. Lily felt a big stab of jealously, but did her best to ignore it.

"Thank you." She said with a wry grin, "I am getting fed up of these barbaric morons."

Lily giggled a little and left the table. At least she seemed to have a blunt sense of humour Lily could relate to.

She got herself a small butterbeer and took it back to the table. She sipped it in awkward silence for a moment, fully aware of the other girl's scrutinising gaze. Finally Apolline seemed to decide Lily had squirmed enough, and she opened the conversation again.

"You are not what I expected, Lily." She said, and Lily suddenly noticed how faint her accent was, especially considering the girl had lived in France all her life "Of course, I have seen pictures of you, in the paper, but in real life it is clear those pictures do not capture the part of you which makes you beautiful."

Lily blushed and coughed awkwardly.

Apolline laughed, her blonde hair shimmering in the light as she did so "And so modest. Tell me; are you certain you are muggleborn?"

Lily frowned at the seemingly random change of subject "As far as I'm aware, yes."

Apolline studied her closely "Curious. Tell me, when you look in a mirror, how pretty do you consider yourself, truthfully?"

Lily pulled a face "Um, I'm not really sure why you want to know..."

Apolline cocked an eyebrow

"I guess I like my eyes." Lily relented "And my hair's quite unusual. But I'd say other than that I'm fairly normal."

Apolline smiled again, and a thud came from behind Lily. She swivelled in her chair to see a bright red middle-aged wizard bending down to pick up the bags he'd just dropped. Apolline scowled and then sighed.

"Hmm. Well, let me think on that. Do you have any unusual magic, Lily?"

Lily shook her head slowly "I'm good enough to be Head Girl, but nothing way out of the ordinary. Anyway, why do you want to know? I feel like I'm being interrogated!"

Apolline eyed her in contemplative silence for a moment, and then said "You look like you have some elf in you, or maybe some fae."

Lily's eyes widened incredulously and her eyebrows shot up "Uhm, I really sincerely doubt it. I'm just a normal human girl."

Apolline tipped her head in silent allowance "Perhaps."

* * *

_Right no before anyone goes mad at me going off on a hugely overused cliché, I'd just like to point out that Apolline might be wrong, or might only be partly right or so on. Please review and let me know what you think!_


	11. Condoms, Handcuffs and Kittens

_To everyone who has reviewed: You are the reason I have updated. You gave me the much needed kick up the backside that made me click that little 'upload' button. Thank you._

* * *

_'Words are powerful things, but feelings are as powerful as we make them.'_

* * *

Lily arrived back at the tower, laden with bags of Christmas shopping and buoyed up on that wonderful feeling of having made a new friend. The fire in the common room was chuckling merrily, the air smelt of Christmas tree and mulling spices and the windowpane was frosted and glazed like molten sugar. Lily had her purchases wrapped and written and under the tree in no time at all, and before she'd realised it the day was done, the almost-full moon risen and she'd eaten dinner alone, without a hint of anything from James. Shrugging it off even as her stomach twisted a little, Lily took a bath, dried her hair and curled up in bed.

She slept sporadically, and her dreams were plagued with that awful feeling that there was something very important she was forgetting.

* * *

When she woke in the morning it was to that same uneasy feeling. The tower didn't seem to have any of it's smiling cheer that it had the night before, and Lily drank her morning tea in awkward silence. James was still conspicuously absent. The post owl came, bringing with it the Daily Prophet, which announced her's and James's soul bond as being confirmed by healers in St. Mungo's. Lily didn't bother reading it in depth; she had no intention of starting her day either fuming or in tears. Along with the newspaper was a letter from Apolline, which was a much more welcome arrival.

_Dear Lily,_

_I had such fun yesterday that I just thought I ought to send you a thank you note. It's not often I meet a young lady who is confident and polite enough to make friends with someone such as myself. You are a special, and most importantly, good right through the middle kind of person, and I hope you retain that all of your life. _

_Merlin only knows you must think me a gushy, mushy kind of person now, but perhaps I can explain; I have never really had a person I could call a friend before yesterday. Maybe that will excuse me. _

_Anyway, I was wondering if you would like to meet up again some time soon, before the Potter's New Year's ball? I seem to recall being told that if permission is gained from the Headmaster, a guest of the head girl or boy may be granted entrance to the castle? I know it is difficult for you to get away from your duties too often so maybe I could visit you, instead of you having to take time out to visit me?_

_Hoping__ you enjoyed yourself as much as I did,_

_Apolline._

Lily sat back and smiled widely, skimming back over the letter. Suddenly her eyes stopped, and realisation flooded through her. Apolline thought she was good and nice and, and, and... oh Merlin what the hell had she been thinking, oblivating James? When all he'd ever done to her was nothing but kindness? She was walking all over him like some kind of troll! Oh god what had she done? Damn it why wasn't she at least a bit less able to take a side trip to denial-land, like she had done all of yesterday?

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

Lily spent the rest of the day and the day after that trying to find James, but he remained elusive, almost as though he knew where she was all the time, and went out of his way to avoid her.

* * *

Apolline stepped out of the floo and into the Head's Tower, and Lily looked up from her DADA essay, smiling in welcome.

"Tea?" She offered, as way of greeting

"Oh, please." Apolline shrugged out of her pale blue outer robes, and held them awkwardly for a moment before Lily realised and took them off her with a faint blush

"Sorry, I'm not doing a very good job of being a host here, am I?" Lily said sheepishly "Please, have a seat and I'll just go and grab your tea. How do you take it?"

When the two girls were settled with their tea on the sofa, and chatter had flowed between them as they re-aquatinted, Lily came to the decision that Apolline was as good a person as any... in fact, the only person Lily could think of to talk to.

Lily bit her lip and tried to resist reaching up and grabbing a strand of hair to twiddle.

"What's the matter, Lily?" Apolline asked, tipping her head curiously, making her blonde hair ripple and shimmer just enough to make Lily jealous.

"Have you ever done anything awful?" Lily asked hesitantly "Like, really, really, unforgivably awful?"

Lily squirmed as Apolline eyed her closely. The older girl was silent for a moment, before she nodded "Of course I have. Everyone has. Why, what's bothering you?"

Lily hung her head and swiped angrily at the tears which pooled in her eyes as the guilt pooled in her stomach "Oh god, I've... I've..."

Apolline tutted sympathetically and got up to sit by Lily, swinging an arm over her shoulder in support "You'll feel better for talking about it." She offered

Lily nodded slowly. That's what her father had always told her. Whenever she'd done something, her mother would be quick to reprimand her, but her father would shake his head in disappointment, and then sit her down on his lap (even when she was really far too big to sit on anyone's lap) and say 'Talk to me, Lily.' And she would talk, and he'd listen, and then he'd offer some soft spoken advice, smile at her and mention that it was a lovely day and maybe she ought to go outside and catch some fresh air - clear her head a little, maybe?

"Lily?" Apolline prompted, looking worried

"James told me he loved me, and I panicked and oblivated him." Lily bit out in a rush

Apolline leant back and blinked, and Lily hung her head. For a moment, there was silence, but soon enough Lily's sobs broke it.

"Oh Lily." Apolline sighed "For such a grown up young lady, you're still a little girl inside, aren't you?"

Lily sat up, red eyed and snivelling, and scowled.

"I'm not!" She sniped, but the effect was ruined by her shaky voice

Apolline finished the last her her tea, and stood up to take her mug back to the kitchen area. She returned with some biscuits she'd clearly found in the cupboard, and waved them in front of Lily's nose. With a bit of a huff Lily took one and nibbled on it.

"Well then. We need a plan." Apolline said finally, seeming to have decided Lily had stewed enough "Have you tried to apologize?"

"He's avoiding me. I can't even find him through our link." Lily said, sadly

Apolline winced a little "Alright, so we can be fairly certain he knows about it then. You know, you two just need to talk. But first, I think, you might need to come to terms with the whole concept of loving someone."

"What?" Lily asked, eyebrow cocked "What does that matter? And I'm perfectly able to love people, you know!"

Apolline rolled her eyes "Lily, you went as far as wiping someone who you have a _soul bond_ with's memory just to avoid the whole problem of love."

Lily sat for a moment, and then "Damn it." She grumbled "Maybe you're right. Y'know, just a little bit."

Apolline laughed.

* * *

Lily jumped as the portrait door swung open, and craned her neck to see around Apolline to see who had come through the portrait. Sirius's angry grey eyes stared back at her, before he whirled around and tossed his outer robes with impressive accuracy, landing them on the hook next to Apolline's pale blue robes. He kicked his boots off and made a show of putting them in a neat row next to the other shoes, glancing at Lily as if daring her to tell him off for mocking her.

Apolline turned and eyed Sirius, and Lily felt smug as Sirius stopped his little angry act and openly stared at Apolline, before blinking and shaking himself like a dog and coughing awkwardly.

"Well, you ruined my entrance." He told the half vela, eyes still glued to Apolline

Apolline winked at Lily, and turned back to Sirius "Well, if you want to go outside and do it again, I'll stay in the kitchen so I don't distract you." She offered

Lily waited for one of Sirius's ridiculous suave lines, but one never came; he was simple stood staring at Lily's new friend with glassy eyes.

Again he shook himself out of it, this time with an angry growl. "Stop it." He told Apolline gruffly "I'm trying to be angry here."

Apolline smirked, but whatever it was she was doing that Lily had even noticed seemed to stop, because Sirius came and sat on the floor in front of the fire and turned to Lily with a sigh.

"You've really messed up, Evans. I think you've broken James. I've never seen him in such a state. He won't even tell us what's happened. What the hell have you done?"

Lily's sobs returned as she told Sirius what she'd told Apolline "He t-told me he l-l-loved me, and I panicked, and I... I... I o-oblivated him."

Then her sobs turned to unabashed hysterics, and Sirius rocked backwards in surprise.

"Holy Merlin, Evans. I don't even know what to say. What the hell made you do that?"

And then Lily was talking without even really thinking what she was saying "W-well everyone who loves me dies, and I d-don't want him to die, I really don't, I just... I well... if he died I don't know what I'd do. It's better, he shouldn't, if he doesn't love me, he'll be alright. He can't die, Sirius! Please, I can't... I don't... I love him. He can't die!"

Lily vaguely registered Apolline hugging her and muttering soothing words into her ears, and Sirius smoothing her hair down but stopping when his hands snagged the knots and instead patting her shoulder awkwardly. Mostly though, all Lily was aware of was the horrible, physical pain at the thought of James dying. She didn't even realise she'd said she loved him. Just that if he died...

After an immeasurable amount of time had passed, Lily had calmed from hysteria to exhausted shaking. She fell asleep on the sofa, Apolline holding her like Tuney used to when they were little and Lily fell over and grazed her knee, and Sirius talking in deep, low tones to Apolline. Lily only caught small snippets, most of them being either her name or James's.

When she woke, it was to the sight of James sat in the chair in the corner of her room, frowning. He had deep bags under his eyes, and his hair was drooping as though it was just too much effort to stay messy like it normally was. Lily assumed someone must have levitated her off the sofa and into her bed. Noticing she was awake, James gave an awkward cough.

"Hey." He said quietly, voice thick

"Hey." Lily returned, sitting up quickly and staring at him, unsure he was really there.

"So." James said

"I'm so sorry!" Lily burst out, tears springing to her eyes even though she was sure there couldn't be any more left to cry "Please, please!"

James stood up and crossed the room, sitting down on the bed beside her "Sirius told me." James cut off her apology "And I understand, Lily, I really do. But you shouldn't have done it. Do you have any idea how much it hurt me? I thought you were... I thought... well, I don't know what I thought. But I felt like I knew you, really knew you, and then you went and did something so far out of what I thought you would do, and it makes me wonder if I really know you at all."

"No!" Lily got out, voice strangled "James, please! I didn't mean to! I just..."

James got up off the bed, shaking his head "I need some time, Lily. You can't keep taking all the time. I'm a person too, you know."

In a last ditch attempt, Lily forced open their link and all but threw all her emotions across it, shoving everything she was feeling at James, even the things she herself didn't understand. All the turmoil, all the pain. All the hope and the joy and the faith she'd been feeling since they became friends. All the trust and the fear and the love.

James swayed a little and reached a hand out to steady himself on the wall, gasping a little at the sudden overload. He sank down, sitting on the floor, and Lily scrambled out of bed and rushed over to him, crouching in front of him, worried she'd hurt him.

"James?" She asked quietly, "James, are you alright?"

He took a gulp of air and nodded slowly, lifting wide eyes to look up at her. Lily's stomach flipped as she tried to understand what he was thinking without invading his privacy and peeking through their link.

He reached a hand up slowly, gently, and caught a strand of red hair, braiding it gently between two fingers.

"James?" She whispered

"Shhh." He returned, hand snaking behind her neck and pulling her down to his lips, kissing her so softly Lily could almost have believed it was an accident. He pulled away after nothing more than a butterfly's touch to her lips and gazed at her cautiously, waiting for her to bolt. Lily stared back.

"Shall I try again?" James murmured, not waiting for her answer "I love you, Lily."

"Merlin knows you shouldn't, James." Lily pleaded "You'll get hurt. I'm a bad luck token. Please, don't say it!"

James smiled softly "It's too late, Lily. I love you, whether you want me to or not. I love you, even though you're irrational and awkward and hot tempered. I love you, and you love me too, even though you don't want to."

Lily bit her lip and stared at him, and realised maybe he was right. Maybe she did love him, even though she was terrified to. Even though all she could see was blood on a cream carpet that her mother had cleaned every day. Even though she could just tell, somehow, that it would all end horribly. Somehow, something in him just made her not care. Made her think it was okay to care, to love, if she wanted to.

She didn't know how to say it. Wasn't sure she could trust herself to pronounce the words. So instead she pushed her lips to his and melted into his lap, threading pale fingers into his dark hair and shivering as he ran his tongue along her bottom lip. Somehow, her body was reacting even when her mind was scared to silence. And this time, she didn't wonder if he had used lip-balm or if she'd remembered to send Petunia's present in the post early enough to arrive on time, she just _felt_. Just lived in the moment of James's tongue against hers and his hands trailing from her neck, one into her red hair and one to cause shivers down her spine as it trailed her backbone lower. Didn't pause to be embarrassed when she arched her back to get closer to him because it all felt so damned _good_ and she just wanted more. Didn't even realise she was tugging and pulling on his hair, pulling him closer to her. It was only when suddenly (and how did that happen without her realising it?) James's hand brushed over her nipple that she froze, and James pulled back, ears red.

"Sorry." He muttered

"I love you." She replied, and then the two stared at each-other for a moment, neither sure she'd actually just said that or if they were both hallucinating.

The door burst open "Aww you two are just too cute! Aren't they cute, Sirius? Don't you just want to find someone like they've found each-other? Don't you?" Apolline gushed, tugging a horrified Sirius by the hand through the doorway and into the room. "Oh I'm so glad you two have worked it out! You will mention me at the wedding, won't you? Actually, I wouldn't mind being Godmother, you know, to your children. Oh it couldn't have happened to two nicer people! Right, Sirius?"

Sirius pulled a face "You know what, Polly, I think this is decidedly awkward. Let's go."

Lily stared after Sirius and Apolline as Sirius dragged the bouncing, happy half-vela out of the room after him.

"Did he just call her Polly?" James asked, sounding worried

"You know, I think he did." Lily replied, and then giggled a bit "I never saw Sirius as one for pet names."

James sniggered "Ahh, that's brilliant. Sirius - 'pet' names! Oh the irony."

Lily pulled a face "Clearly that's another one of those 'you wouldn't understand' jokes, isn't it?"

James nodded, still laughing "Yeah, it is."

Lily rolled her eyes, but smiled a litte - boys will be boys, after all, she concluded.

"So. Where do you want to go from here?" James asked, sounding cautiously optimistic

Lily blinked "Um... Uh... I'm not sure. Can't we just, I dunno, see where things go? I mean, we don't have to decide anything so it's not awkward in public, because we supposedly have a soul bond," Lily rolled her eyes, "So no matter what, people will think we're... Well, soul bonded. Can't we just not worry about it?"

James ruffled his hair "Lily," He began, and then paused with a sigh "Alright. Fine. You live in denial for a while, and I'll just put up with it. I don't mind."

Lily felt her stomach drop and she scrunched her eyebrows in sadness and confusion. Didn't he see she was struggling with this as it was? Couldn't he just give her a bit of time? But then, maybe somewhere in the back of her mind, her father's voice sounded. Shouldn't she see that he was actually giving, again, and all she was doing was taking what she wanted without a thought for him?

Lily tugged gently on a strand of red hair in thought, and then decided maybe it was time to dredge out a bit of Gryffindor bravery.

"James... Will you, um, g-go out with m-me? You know, like a b-boyfriend would?"

James glanced up, and his face split into a blinding grin. "You know, Lily, I think I'd love to."

And Lily smiled back, and maybe, just maybe, it would all work out, after all.

* * *

It was awkward for the rest of the day. Lily wasn't quite sure how to be someone's girlfriend - at least, not in this kind of serious, meaningful way it seemed to be. With her muggle boyfriend it had been more of a... Well, a friendship that the pair of them labelled as a relationship because they both thought it would make them look cool, maybe without even realising that was what they were doing. James seemed just so filled with happiness is made Lily feel guilty for not sharing his enthusiasm. Apolline seemed overjoyed that she'd 'fixed' their argument, Sirius seemed head over heels for Apolline, and Remus and Peter were both cold with Lily, clearly not having forgiven her for the pain she caused James.

Apolline stayed for dinner, and it wasn't until she'd left that it actually occurred to Lily that the next day would be Christmas eve. As the night drew in, Lily and James remained curled on the sofa, talking lethargically about this and that, listening to the fire bubble away merrily and smelling that wonderful Christmas-tree smell. Without the others there, the awkwardness was gone, as though it had lingered only because the pair were not comfortable with their public relationship of a soul-bond rather than any awkwardness from their new (real) relationship.

"You heading for bed any time soon?" Lily asked, toying with her hair idly and stifling a yawn.

She felt James shrug next to her and shuffle a little "Sorry; dead leg from you sitting on it."

Lily knew her cheeks were heating and she quickly shifted to the other end of the sofa "Sorry." She muttered

James threw her his lopsided grin and reached over, pulling her back to him "Don't be daft. And yeah, I guess I'll head to bed soon. I'll, erm, be having a late night tomorrow."

"Are you one of those people who stay up on Christmas Eve, waiting for Christmas Day?" Lily asked, curiously

James gave an awkward gesture "Not exactly, no. It's more like... Marauder tradition. Guy stuff."

Lily raised an incredulous eyebrow "Now there was a lame explanation if ever I heard one."

"It's, ah, not my secret to tell." James said after a moment "Anyway, I think I'll turn in now. Night, Lils."

He leaned over to kiss her goodnight, and Lily being Lily turned suddenly, not expecting him to be so close to her face, and ended up bumping her nose into him.

"Sorry!" She gasped out, red-faced and mortified as James laughed "Hey, don't laugh at me!"

He quietened to a chuckle "I'm not laughing at you, promise. Will you give me my goodnight kiss?"

Lily pouted childishly and folded her arms, laughter in her eyes "No, I don't think I will."

"Well then," James said, standing up "I'll just have to take it, won't I?"

And he picked Lily up, ignoring her giggling and shrieking, planted her on her feet and kissed her nose "That's to make sure your nose gets better." He announced, and then he kissed her properly, enough to make her gasp and shiver and his mouth left hers just when she was sure she would implode and moved down her neck and then - oh god, oh merlin - he hit that little patch behind her ear and she moaned loudly and grasped her fingers into his shirt enough to crease it horribly and she knew she'd never felt anything like this and his hands were everywhere and then... He was gone, leaving her floundering, and grinning at her with smug self-satisfaction, lips swollen a little and hair messier than normal.

"Night Lily." He said, and then he was gone, Lily just barely registering the sound of his bedroom door swinging shut through her daze.

It was only when she was tucked up in bed, about to fall asleep, that she realised he'd made her forget all about the 'guy stuff' he claimed was Marauder tradition.

* * *

Lily woke slowly on Christmas Eve, stretching like a cat and almost purring in contentment. The smell of tea drew her to sit up, and sure enough there on her nightstand was a mug of tea with a heating charm over it to keep it warm. Sipping slowly, Lily picked up the note that was accompanying it.

_Morning Lils,_

_Just to let you know, I've had a bit of a panic attack and realised I've not bought everyone's Christmas present. So I've made a mad dash to Hogsmeade (and if I can't find everything I'm after I'll head on to Diagon) with Sirius (who claimed he was getting stir crazy, but I think you and I both know he's just hoping on some small chance that Apolline will be there). Hope you have a good Christmas Eve! Like I said, I'll be with the guys all night - tradition - so I'll see you Christmas Day morning, alright? Oh, and stay inside tonight, won't you? It's supposed to be really cold and it wouldn't do for you to be ill on Christmas day. _

_James_

Beneath his name was scribblings, as though he'd repeatedly written kisses and then crossed them out and then rewritten them again. Lily smiled at his awkwardness.

With nothing better to do, Lily sat and wrote letters to the many family members and friends who she would normally have seen for Christmas, but wouldn't this year as she'd stayed at Hogwart's. It was awkward and difficult, knowing everyone reading her words would shake their heads and mutter about how sad it was that Lily, poor little Lily, would be spending her first Christmas without her parents trapped in that posh Scottish boarding school.

The day dawdled by, Lily eating lunch in the Great Hall for a change, eating with two second year Hufflepuffs who were in awe of her, and wanted all the details on her soul bond with James. It was strange for Lily to be actively interacting with the younger years, without it being for a purpose, such as tutoring. Feeling a little like she'd done a good deed, Lily then wiled away a few more hours in the library reading up a little on the numerous bonds of the wizarding world. Engrossed, Lily didn't notice the hours passing.

By the time she blinked owlishly at the back cover, it was dark, and Lily was cramped and chilled from sitting in the window seat of the library for so long. With it being the holidays, the librarian wasn't there to berate her for being in the library after closing time. Putting her books back carefully, Lily headed back for bed.

Last minute, in her pyjamas, Lily laid out her stocking and filled it, feeling a bit silly but knowing no one else would do it, and that she wouldn't feel like it was Christmas without a stocking. Biting her lip, she laid James's wrapped present under the tree and, with a quick glance back at the festive scene, headed for bed.

She fell asleep wondering if he would like it or not, trying to keep her mind off a lifetime's memories of happier Christmas Eve's.

When she woke, it was to a sudden feeling of overwhelming excitement, before she'd even realised it was Christmas morning - her mind hadn't quite woken up yet. Lily could almost taste the adrenalin pounding through her blood stream, and she was breathing fast even though she'd done nothing but sleep dreamlessly. It almost felt like it wasn't her own emotions, they were so sudden and foreign from the moment. Slipping out of bed and shivering in the cold air of the castle, Lily headed for the window.

It was snowing big, fat flakes. All the grounds were covered with fresh snow, footprints covered and everything illuminated by the huge full moon. Gasping a little at the sight, Lily hurriedly turned from the window, glancing at the clock by her bedside. 4:32 am.

Was that too early?

Nah. It was Christmas morning, and she'd be damned if she didn't follow tradition and honour what her and her mother had always done and head outside in the earliest moment possible.

She dressed, shoving jumpers over her pyjama top and thick fuzzy knee length socks over her pyjama bottoms, wrapping her Gryffindor scarf around her neck, mittens on her cold fingers and a hat over her messy hair. She shrugged on her warmest set of robes and her sturdiest shoes and hurried out through the castle, wand-light casting eerie shadows as she went, and pausing at the huge doors, still locked, that led to outside.

Lily slumped in disappointment. There was no way she could open them!

But then Lily remembered something James had mentioned once, in passing. House elves, he'd said, had all the power over the castle that the staff did; it was how they got anywhere they needed to, to clean. Lily knew house elves were summoned by calling their names, and she knew they usually had short names ending with -y. And she knew that Hogwarts had the biggest number of house elves in the country. It was worth a try.

"Drippy? squeak, squeak, Floppy, Moppy, Bobby, Boppy, Loppy, Doppy, Bonny, Bolly, Dolly, Molly, Jolly..."

"Miss? Is Miss asking for Jolly?" Asked the little creature who appeared with a crack

"Oh, thank Merlin! Yes, please, Jolly. Could you do me a favour and open these doors so I can go out into the snow, perhaps?"

Jolly looked doubtful, shaking her head slowly, ears flapping and wide eyes widening.

"Please." Lily begged "It's Christmas."

Jolly relented, and with a snap of her fingers, the huge bolts swung and cluncked open, allowing Lily to slip outside. The door swung shut behind her, and sealed itself again. For a moment Lily's stomach flipped, not sure she wanted to be locked out of the castle at night. Then she shook herself and laughed quietly. This was Hogwart's; the safest place in Britain. So long as she didn't stray into the Forbidden Forest, she'd be fine. The caretaker would simply open the doors when he normally did - at five.

With that in mind, Lily drifted around the snow covered ground, her mind years away in younger times when she'd be sledging or shrieking or snowballing, and her mother would make a snow angel with her and promise her that when they walked away and weren't watching, the snow angel would jump up and fly off to make snow somewhere else.

Lily flopped backwards onto the snow and stared up at the few remaining flakes still falling. It seemed that most of the snow had already fallen, and the sky was clear but for a few wispy remaining clouds. The stars were always brighter here, away from the light pollution of towns and cities, but they seemed to pale in comparison to the moon. It hung in the sky like a huge, wide cat's eye, watching the world with detachment.

Even though she could have sworn she'd cried enough, tears leaked from her eyes as she tried so hard not to think about everything she'd loved, and all that she'd lost. She sometimes felt so angry with herself for crying when there were people out there, surely, who had it worse than her.

Lily sat up with a start, holding her breath like a startled fawn, staring towards the Forest. Surely she'd just hallucinated that howl. No. No, there wouldn't be... What if that was a werewolf? What if... No. This was Hogwart's. She was safe, right? But...

Footfalls, muffled by the snow, of something large. Then, around the side of Hagrid's hut, a huge black wolf came bounding, and stopped dead at the sight of her, sitting in the snow. It loosened a huge bark, and Lily wondered if it was actually a huge dog, not a wolf. Then, a massive, majestic stag leapt over the boxes Hagrid had stacked near his hut, and skidded to a stop next to the wolf, also staring at her in what Lily felt sure was horror. She was frozen in fear, not comprehending how a stag and a wolf were stood next to each other with little care for each malicious.

Then came that hideous howl again, and out of the gloom came a warped, lumbering shape, baying at the moon. The other two animals snapped out of their shock, glanced once at each other, and then the stag bounded back over the boxes, and the wolf trotted over to her with no more malicious look in it's eye than next-door-but-one's toy poodle.

_Lily, go with Sirius! Please, go! Run, Lily, please!_

Lily shrieked then, suddenly coming back into the reality of the situation as James's voice echoed through her mind. James? What was James on about? How did he know? Where was he?

Lily glanced around wildly, and screamed as she saw the stag leap directly at the black shape, which her mind hysterically informed her was a werewolf. The stag's antlers caught the werewolf on it's soft underbelly, throwing it backwards into a tree. The stag chased after it, pausing when the werewolf let out a whimper of pain and stumbled to its feet, limping back into the forest the way it had come, the stag chasing it all the while.

The big dog-wolf whined at her, eyes pleading with her. Lily struggled to her feet, swaying from the shock, and bolted back for the castle doors, praying it was past five and the doors would be open. She flew up to them, hoping they would open, but instead her fists pounded on the frozen wood, with little effect. The dog (she was sure it was a dog, now she could see it in the light from the castle) gave a quiet, reassuring bark and sat down on the step, next to where she was stood. Terrified, and shaking from the shock, Lily didn't feel safe enough to sit down.

_James?_ She called desperately _James, was that you?_

_Lily, busy right now! ...I'm fine... You're fine... Breathe... See you soon... Happy Christmas._

She received it in short bursts, like whatever James was doing was taking up most of his concentration. Whimpering a little, Lily hugged her arms to her and leaned back against the castle doors. The surge of fear and genuine terror for her life brought back horrible memories of that day... She didn't want to remember her parent's murdur so brutally on Christmas Morning. Not like this. Not ever.

It wasn't long (although it felt like forever) before the castle doors swung open, and Lily hurried inside, prattling some rubbish about head girl duties to the scowling caretaker. The dog followed her, but Lily was too concerned with slamming the door shut to worry about the dog, which clearly meant her no harm. It followed her all the way up to the Head's Tower, but Lily was far past caring. She even grudgingly allowed it to follow her through the portrait hole and into the cosy safety she'd left behind little over half an hour ago.

The dog stared at her for a moment, head cocked, and then it morphed right before Lily's eyes into Sirius Black.

Lily screamed and shot a stunning spell at him, but it missed

"Woah, Evans, calm down! It's just me!" Sirius tried to sooth "Please, don't get violent!"

Lily could see him visibly restraining himself from some sort of joke or innuendo she was sure she didn't want to know about.

Lily sat down heavily on the sofa, put her head in her hands, and cried.

"Oh, hey, c'mon Evans, don't cry! It's Christmas, cheer up!" Sirius sat down next to her and patted her shoulder reassuringly "I know it's a bit of a shock when you nearly get eaten by a werewolf..."

"Y-You're an animagus." Lily said, and a hint of awe and jealously crept into her voice, before she frowned "You are registered, right?"

Sirius was silent for a moment, and then he said "Think how useful an animagus form will be in the war, if no one knows what it is. It might save lives, you know."

Lily had to admit she could see where she was coming from, but scowled at him just on principle. Plus, she was sure she'd never be able to become an animagus. Although if she did, what kind of animal would she become?

"Why were you... With the stag and with the w-w-were-w-wolf?" Lily asked, fear making her stutter

Sirius stared at the new flames in the hearth, only recently lit by a helpful house-elf, and then turned to Lily and said "They're friends, brothers even, and their secret is one they should share with you themselves."

It didn't take Lily much to work out James, Remus and Peter must have been tied in with the event in some way or other. Besides which, James had told her he would be with the other Marauders. She knew James wasn't a werewolf - she felt certain she knew him far too well for him to have become ill and sickly once a month and her not to have picked up on it. So that left the stag to be either James or Peter, and the werewolf to be either Peter or Remus.

Despite the fact that she held no discrimination against werewolves, it's one thing to claim you didn't hate them, and another thing entirely to not be terrified by them.

Somehow, she couldn't see Peter having a stag animagus. He just didn't have the... Well, the ego for it.

"James is the stag, isn't he?"

Sirius nodded slowly

"Which leaves Peter or Remus as the werewolf." Lily concluded, forcing her voice steady

She couldn't really see either boy as the blood-thirsty creature she met under the full moon, but again Sirius nodded slowly.

"Just so we're clear, I didn't tell you; you figured it out." Sirius clarified

Lily nodded, and the pair sat in silence, neither feeling particularly Christmassy, watching the dawn crawl across the sky, waiting for the others to return.

* * *

It was fully light when James and Peter stumbled through the portrait hole into the Head's Tower, both battered, bloody and bruised. Behind them, levitated carefully, floated Remus, who looked for all the world like he was dead.

"Oh god." Lily gasped out, quickly leaping off the sofa and helping to guide Remus's unconscious body so he was laid prone where she'd just been sat. Worrying her lip, Lily hastily summoned a bowl of warm water and a cloth from the kitchen, sterilising it with a wave of her wand and then gently tending to Remus's wounds, cleaning the huge gashes on his face and arms, and one on his chest. Once cleaned, Lily found they weren't actually that deep, just that they had bled profusely. Confident she could heal them, another flick of her wand had them slowly melding and meshing back together, until all that was left were harsh pink lines, tell-tale of newly healed flesh.

With a sigh of relief, Lily turned vanished the dirty water, replacing it with fresh, and made her way over to James, who was the next most-injured, where he was sat in front of the fire, trying to warm up.

Finally noticing everyone was staring at her, Lily asked a defensive "What?"

It was Peter who answered "Lily, Remus just nearly ate you, and you've just spent considerable effort to heal him without even once flinching."

"Hmm. I guess." Lily said, trying very hard to keep Remus-the-person and Remus-the-wolf separate. "But they're not the same, are they?" Lily pointed out "I mean, Remus isn't about to wake up and decide I look like breakfast, is he. It's the wolf that wants to eat me, not Remus."

"But Remus _is_ the wolf." Sirius said quietly

Lily shook her head stubbornly "No, he's the boy. The wolf is just a... Just a... Well, a part of Remus that only comes out once a month. Plus it's not like I'm in any danger from him provided I remember to stay inside when it's a full moon, right?"

James looked like he was halfway between smiling, crying, and kissing her senseless "Lily, I swear, I honestly thought you were going to die. Please, don't do that to me again." He all but begged

Lily began to gently clean his arm, where the largest cut ran from his shoulder to just past his elbow, and looked up at him with slightly wet eyes "I thought I was going to die, too."

It was a weird thing to admit, seeing as not once had it actually crossed her mind directly; she'd been too scared at the time to really think anything but 'oh shit'. But now, looking back, she realised that she honestly had, in the back of her mind, accepted that death was a very real possible outcome.

James's jaw clenched, and he flinched a little as Lily pressed a bit too hard on his arm.

"Sorry!" Lily murmured, wincing with him

Lily finished cleaning and healing James's wounds in silence, and moved on to Peter, who had only a small cut on his face, but proceeded to whimper and whinge every time Lily went anywhere near it with the cloth.

"Peter's a wimpy, Peter's a wimp, Peter's a girly-girl!" Sirius sing-songed, and received a half-hearted tongue-tying jinx from the boy in question for his troubles.

Sirius laughed and tried to keep talking with his tongue tying itself in knots in his mouth "Pleepper's a thwimmppiee, Pleepwer's a uurlie-urgle!"

Lily snorted even as she tried to scowl at their childish behaviour, but it broke the awkward, tense silence. Remus stirred on the sofa, and Lily hurried over, leaving Peter to deal with his own wound, which in all fairness was little more than a scratch.

"Remus? Remus, can you hear me? Are you alright? Remus? Does it hurt anywhere? Can I get you anything, Remus?" Lily worried

Remus let out a garbled groan

"Hey Moony," James said, sounding cheery "Happy Christmas!"

"God, is it morning already?" Remus groaned out "What the hell happened last night?"

Sirius snickered "Well we got you really drunk... The last thing we saw was you being dragged away from us by a coven of vela..."

Remus blinked his eyes open and sat up "_What_?"

Sirius, James and Peter sniggered as though this was a long repeated, but still funny joke.

"Merlin, don't do that to me!" Remus grumped, but smiled tiredly "Hey, did someone say it was Christmas?"

* * *

In the end, the boy's presents were summoned up to the Head's Tower, and everyone opened presents together. Remus was tired and bruised, but even he seemed in high spirits, now the worst of the morning was over.

In the end, Lily had bought chocolates for Remus, unsure what else he would want. For Sirius, she bought 'Charming a Witch - a Book for the Socially Awkward', and was rewarded with howling laughter from everyone except Sirius, who scowled, and then asked "What, want my attention, Evans?"

"Well that was a rubbish come-back if every I heard one." Lily sassed, and the hurriedly handed out some more of the presents in the hopes she wouldn't be pulled into an all out battle of sarcasm, which she knew full well she wouldn't win.

For Peter, she had bought a new set of exploding snap cards, having heard him complaining to James that his old set had been eaten by Sirius. At the time, she'd thought they were joking, but now knowing Sirius was a dog animagus, she wasn't too sure. He seemed pleased with them, and thanked her with a watery smile.

_I'll give you yours later._ Lily promised James

James sent her a molten smile, making her flush

Sirius gave a mock cough "Not in the living room, children, please!"

"Oi!" Lily called at him, catching his attention just in time to throw balled up wrapping paper at him "This is my living room; I'll do what I want in it, thank you very much!" She told him, but her eyes sparkled with mischief and no one took too much offence.

Remus gave her a new quill set and some ink, with a smile "Seeing as how fast you're getting through those essays these days, I figured you'd be about in need of some more quills and ink."

Lily smiled sheepishly "Thanks, Remus. I was actually about to owl order some, you're right; I've almost run out."

Peter gave her some Honeyduke's Finest with a shrug "I wasn't sure what to get you." He said

Lily grinned "Chocolate's always a good bet." She told him "Thank you!"

Sirius had a very worrying look on his face when he handed her, her present from him. His eyes were bright and his lips were twitching and one eyebrow was slightly cocked. Lily could tell this was about to be much more embarrassing than her gift to him.

It was a huge box of condoms.

Lily turned bright red and stared at it in abject horror. She knew, of course, what condoms were. But, well, she'd never actually even _held_ one, never mind about a box of them. Ohhh god. Oh merlin. How embarrassing. What should she do? She couldn't shriek and drop the box, right?

James reached over and grabbed the offending item out of her hand "Extra extra large, thanks Pads. How did you know?"

Lily let out a small squeek and turned, if possible, even redder.

Sirius managed to ruffle her hair with a laugh "Breathe, Evans. I've got you a real present here, you Pumpkin Pasty."

Sirius handed over another box, which rattled ominously when shaken. It turned out to be a pair of handcuffs.

"Sirius!" She shrieked, returning to her tomato colour

"Oh, sorry. Here I was figuring you were a bondage kinda girl. Not into the kinky stuff then? Shall I take them back?" He asked, reaching for them. Of course, the natural reaction when someone tries to take something off you is to try and keep it... So Lily snatched the gift closer to herself, which prompted another round of howling laughter which even Lily had to join in with.

Frank had bought her a Potions book, Apolline had bought her a beautiful leather purse, with a rose on it, which made Lily wonder if her gift of some scented bath creme and shower gel was too little. Her sister had sent her a small notebook, which while pretty felt rather inadequate coming from a girl she'd grown up admiring. Her aunt and uncle sent her £10, which was nice, but impersonal.

"Let's leave the love-birds to themselves for a bit." Remus proposed, now able to stand up and walk, if slowly

The three remaining Marauders left, with plenty of wiggling eyebrows and snickers.

James rolled his eyes at Lily, who was busy vanishing all the wrapping paper, as if to say 'What? I have no control over them, you know that.'

Lily handed James his present with slightly clammy hands, after tapping it twice with her wand and then warning James to keep the box flat.

He took his time unwrapping it, and Lily grew more and more nervous as time passed.

When he finally pulled the lid off the box and peered inside, he turned to Lily with a blinding grin "You didn't."

Lily bit her lip

James reached inside and gently picked out the little kneezle kitten, (still a bit blurry from the stasis charm Lily had just removed from it) smoothing down it's puff-ball grey fur and grinning as it purred at him, blinking wide green eyes.

"I've always wanted a kneezle." James admitted "But my mum's allergic. How did you know?"

Lily smiled and shrugged "I didn't, actually. I just saw him, in the shop window, all wide eyes and fluffy fur and I couldn't resist. I hoped you'd like him. Do you know what you're going to call him?"

James stared at the kitten, which was now beginning to venture, cautiously, into it's new surroundings, then shook his head "Actually, I've not got a clue. What about you, any names?"

Lily blinked in surprise "Oh no, he's yours, you ought to name him."

James smiled at the reminder of his new pet, watching the kitten who was eyeing the Christmas tree as if wondering if it was a huge climbing frame. James reached out and caught him gently "I don't think Lily'll like you if you destroy her Christmas tree." He told the small ball of grey fluff.

"I'm sure it'll come to me," James said "Now, your present..."

He handed her a small square box, wrapped carefully in shiny gold paper. Lily knew what it would be. She found herself sobered quickly, shaking as she picked the paper open, but as she pulled the ring box out of it's wrapping, somehow a smile grew across her face. Maybe she was ready for this.

The ring was simple, but beautiful. It was a very thin gold band, with a traditional (and much bigger than any diamond that she'd ever seen before) diamond mounted on it, just like the engagement rings in fairytale stories.

"It was my great-grandmother's." James said quietly

"I... I..." Lily stuttered out, not at all sure what to say "Will you... Will you put it on for me?" Lily asked

James took the ring out of it's box and made to put it on his own finger "Sorry Lily, I don't think it'll fit me."

Lily rolled her eyes and let out a little gasp of laughter "That's not what I meant, you prat, and you know it."

Smiling, James took her left hand and slid the ring onto her finger. It was much to big, but then it seemed to give a little shudder, and shrank to fit her finger exactly. Lily bit her lip and looked up at James.

"It's beautiful. Thank you."

James gave a smile, and pulled her to him "You're mine forever now, you know that?" He said, sounding playful

Not sure what to say, Lily kissed him instead.

* * *

_So. I'm sure you've all been waiting for that! There are a couple of twists I've still got planned... don't take anything that's happened so far for granted, please - remember for the vast majority of this, it's been from Lily's perspective even though it's in the 3rd POV... so do keep that in mind!_

_Any ideas on names for the kneezle kitten? I have a few in mind, but I'm open to suggestions! _

**If you can spare a few seconds to review, I would very much appreciate it - anyone who's a writer will know that a few words can make a lot of difference :)**


End file.
